Tag Archives: sober

Welcome to my life. There, you’ve been warned :)

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I drank my last drink exactly 3 years ago today. Tomorrow is my sober birthday. May 6, 2014. I love that day and date. It was May 5, 2014 and I ordered Mexican food, margaritas, and beer…Modelo Especial and Stella Artois. Looking back, I rarely had beer in the house…cause I drank it. All.

Anywho, so this is where I welcome you into my life. I’ve been silent on many issues for the majority of it and, well, I’m just not going to be that way anymore. I can’t think of a better day than today to start living more authentically. I was ambivalent about being open with regard to alcoholism. I understand that some people are pretty out there about it and some people aren’t. I get it. I respect it. I had to think long and hard about what being an alcoholic means to me. I realized over the past several days that the simple reason I keep it under wraps is because…wait for it….fear!  Yes, fear!  What will they think?  They, they, they. I’m tired of being the inaccessible piece of God-made goodness that floats through the universe not really showing up to life as fully as I could. Let me be clear: I show up a LOT MORE than I ever did in these last three years. It’s so weird how normal I do some things now, especially with regard to communication. If I don’t understand something, I ask. Yes, folks, I ask questions! :)))) And I don’t feel badly about it, either. I was just at lunch with a magnificent group of women. I marvel at them; they are all so gifted in different ways…the subject of FaceBook came up and someone mentioned she couldn’t understand how anyone could put so much of their lives on social media. I thought about it. I share a lot, I think. I have lots of social media platforms and I’m always considering more. For me, I have lived my life without healthy consistency. It’s been a great life. It’s been extremely difficult at times.

Funny: I put a deposit down on an apartment a few weeks ago. I was given the choice to live above regular tenants or above a business. I could have the first apartment much sooner. Let me think about it…I did. And the conclusion I came to is that I’ve tiptoed around my whole life and I’m sick of tiptoeing. I’m not doing it anymore. At least above the 9-5 business, my workouts and rumpussing won’t bother anyone. Not funny: I’m scared to have that conversation with him. Seriously what does a person say in a situation like this? Very little, I think. Nothing will come out right.

Me: Hey, you suck. I’m leaving.

Him: No, YOU suck. YOU aren’t leaving till I SAY!

See what I mean? There’s just no organic flow happening. Holy Spirit, You gotta come through on this when the time comes.  Read the rest of this entry

9 months sobriety today :)

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I’m really happy about that. Me, a cradle Catholic who had her first glass of wine while sitting in a high chair. SITTING IN A HIGH CHAIR, PEOPLE. You can’t make this stuff up. But, as I continue on my journey, I see things through different eyes. It’s natural, I know. Me, who failed EVERYTIME giving up alcohol for Lent. 100% of the time I gave up alcohol for Lent, I failed. I thought God was laughing at me. He probably was. If I had a spot like Him, I would laugh at me. But it’s all good. 9 months! Go, me! Things for me are good. Things for everything & everyone else I’m involved with – not so good. Some relationships are stellar, like with my son. And my daughters and step-children. Those are all great. Okay, it’s me and hubs. We still suck. We still suck in the same house. Barely. But I don’t want to get into that today. I treated myself to a run. As I was running in the back of the neighborhood, I remembered why I started running at all. “No wife of mine is going to work out at the health club while I am stuck in the office all day making money.” sigh. what.EVER. Not having any fight in me, BUT having an overload of co-dependency, I submitted. Easily. Okay, I understand. But I still had a lot of junk in the trunk after two back to back pregnancies. Hmm. Let’s see. No gym. Fat ass. What’s a girl to do? Running! It’s free, right? Free enough. I have shoes. I have a stroller. So, that’s what I did. I started running and pushing my little bundles. Everyone loved it and the fresh air was just what we needed. Then came a 5K for my son’s school. I had to look up how far that was and then go mark it in the neighborhood. I couldn’t run a mile without stopping. And that part of the neighborhood seemed SO FAR AWAY! But, I just kept plugging away at it. I missed that 5K because I couldn’t run the whole thing. Derrrr. Ever heard of walking? Anywho. I kept at it. The following March I ran a 5K in 29 minutes & I was hooked. I was in competition with myself. And talk about piss off my husband. Back then, I thought he’d be happy because I was doing what he wanted. (LOL) “If I do THIS, he will be happy! Oh, if I do THIS, he will be happy!” ppsssh. Whatever. It didn’t happen then, and it’s not happening now. BUT, the GOOD NEWS? I don’t care! I focus on myself and God’s Will for me. Each and every day, I beg Him to be in my life, keep me from the desire to drink, to guide me where He wants me to go. He does a great job! I do okay. But, that’s why there are 24 hours & then it all starts again. We give up control – again. We ask for His help – again. We do the best we can – again.

Next week, I am taking my daughters to DisneyWorld. Mother/daughter time. I.can’t.wait. We are all very excited. Except 8th grader. She doesn’t want to miss some Mardi Gras festivities happening at school. But she has an airline ticket, so if she wants to come, she can change her mind at the last minute!

Through God’s help, I am realizing that I really am only responsible for myself and my children – the young ones because they still need a lot of raising!

Life is good. Thank You, God. Peace out, y’all!

Ps – I just saw that today’s date is the 5th! My sobriety date is May 6!👸👏💃☺️

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“No wife of mine is going to spend her days at the gym!”

“Okay…I’ll figure out something.” 😆16 marathons later…bam! Stronger than I thought🙏😊