Tag Archives: peace

Welcome to my life. There, you’ve been warned :)

Standard

I drank my last drink exactly 3 years ago today. Tomorrow is my sober birthday. May 6, 2014. I love that day and date. It was May 5, 2014 and I ordered Mexican food, margaritas, and beer…Modelo Especial and Stella Artois. Looking back, I rarely had beer in the house…cause I drank it. All.

Anywho, so this is where I welcome you into my life. I’ve been silent on many issues for the majority of it and, well, I’m just not going to be that way anymore. I can’t think of a better day than today to start living more authentically. I was ambivalent about being open with regard to alcoholism. I understand that some people are pretty out there about it and some people aren’t. I get it. I respect it. I had to think long and hard about what being an alcoholic means to me. I realized over the past several days that the simple reason I keep it under wraps is because…wait for it….fear!  Yes, fear!  What will they think?  They, they, they. I’m tired of being the inaccessible piece of God-made goodness that floats through the universe not really showing up to life as fully as I could. Let me be clear: I show up a LOT MORE than I ever did in these last three years. It’s so weird how normal I do some things now, especially with regard to communication. If I don’t understand something, I ask. Yes, folks, I ask questions! :)))) And I don’t feel badly about it, either. I was just at lunch with a magnificent group of women. I marvel at them; they are all so gifted in different ways…the subject of FaceBook came up and someone mentioned she couldn’t understand how anyone could put so much of their lives on social media. I thought about it. I share a lot, I think. I have lots of social media platforms and I’m always considering more. For me, I have lived my life without healthy consistency. It’s been a great life. It’s been extremely difficult at times.

Funny: I put a deposit down on an apartment a few weeks ago. I was given the choice to live above regular tenants or above a business. I could have the first apartment much sooner. Let me think about it…I did. And the conclusion I came to is that I’ve tiptoed around my whole life and I’m sick of tiptoeing. I’m not doing it anymore. At least above the 9-5 business, my workouts and rumpussing won’t bother anyone. Not funny: I’m scared to have that conversation with him. Seriously what does a person say in a situation like this? Very little, I think. Nothing will come out right.

Me: Hey, you suck. I’m leaving.

Him: No, YOU suck. YOU aren’t leaving till I SAY!

See what I mean? There’s just no organic flow happening. Holy Spirit, You gotta come through on this when the time comes.  Read the rest of this entry

Lent – coming up on the third Sunday!

Standard

this will be a mishmash.  shocker, i know.  Lent – the 3rd week IS on my mind.  a LOT.  but, as usual, so are lots of other things.  and at the moment, it’s just me in the house.  say what???  well, my daughters are in the poolhouse – one daughter is having a friend sleep over and when a friend sleeps over, well, the whole conversation, at this point of the evening, gets very much on a need-to-know basis, and clearly, I DON’T NEED TO KNOW :)))))  so, they retreat to the pool house.  if i am the only one in the house, then why in tarnation am i having to be sentenced to listening to a disney show?  that hefty kid who got thin?  you know? jake and josh.  yesssss.  nailed it.

anywho.  let’s see.  Lent.  has made me think.  dude.  a LOT.  about real necessities.  i make these quiet – as in i don’t tell anybody – that way i don’t have to actually commit.  however, God knows what goes on in this heart and coconut, so He deals with my thoughts as they come – i make these quiet edicts within myself.  like…that’s it.  i don’t think i ever want to eat crawfish and drink beer.  well, the chances of that happening – or not happening, as it were – may be good.  i do love me some crawfish and beer.  but as i delve deeper into Lent and what it means – and to me it means getting real.  keeping what counts, shucking what doesn’t and in all along, giving it up for God – thinking of Jesus.  so, for me, i gave up meat, beer, and cheap gluten.  i know, ‘cheap’ gets me too.  on occasion, i have a piece of Ezekiel bread.  and i’m a runner for Heaven’s sake.  my body does actually need a modicum or better of gluten, i think.  well, on the gluten front, if i am craving it, i eat it.  like tonight for instance.  it’s no-meat-Friday, right?  took my daughter and her friend to the best po-boy place EVA.  (olde tyme grocery).  for the FIRST TIME ever, i ordered a shrimp SALAD.  foregoing the langlinais bread AND beer AND shared french fries.  so i didn’t beat myself up over the batter on the shrimp that beautifully topped my salad.  i even packed my own yogurt dressing.  and i ate the croutons that came on the salad.  it was all so good.

so.  so…i’m a work in progress. we all are.  sometimes the meat thing is hard – i am doing it all through Lent, with the exception of Sundays, if i so desire.  but that’s what it’s about – sacrificing something we enjoy.  i’m sure Jesus enjoyed living His life until the Crucifixion came.  and He went through that for me.  and YOU. 

okay, so now.  the Zydeco Marathon. it’s a week from Sunday.  i went to my doctor the other day for my yearly.  i have MVP.  i found that out when i was 35.  so, my wonderful doc heard a murmur, which i’m guessing is mvp.  he wants me me check it out.  i am.  i am already scheduled.  my doc joked, ‘you run marathons, i’m sure it’s nothing…but still, get it looked at.’  for a nano-second, i was remotely scared.  why?  what if i croaked before i ran the 3-day or 6-day run in colorado?  or Chicago?  or walked St. John’s Way in Spain????  or went to the Vatican??  or Disney World?  specifically, the Carousel of Progress???? and ate the dark-chocolate-drenched-vanilla-mickey ears ?  or drank wine in belgium at Epcot?  and those are just the selfish parts of what popped into my mind; i didn’t even come close to the obvious life-changers – my children getting married and becoming parents themselves, among other things.  anywho.  i’m not worried.  i’m not stopping my life.  for what?  to wait and see what a puny little murmur means?  worse case scenario – i drop on the marathon course on march 30.  well, i was doing what i loved, they can say.

enough of that.

it’s a weird training interval, this one.  i couldn’t ramp up fully because of my timing over the marathons i did in december and january.  oh, get this – the elevation change for the Zydeco????  like 96 FEET.  Baton Rouge has almost 1,500 change in elevation!  i’m not sure what to expect weather wise.  i’d love cold & rainy, but i am expecting warm and humid.  that means i’ll be doing the galloway method.  probably 3:00 run and :30 walk.  i’m enjoying my veggies all i can this weekend, because sunday is my cut-off on greens, for the most part.  i start tapering (going a little nutty) and not consuming as many calories because i won’t be burning as many.  thinking about what i will wear.  what the weather will be.  germexxing everything.  lysoling everything.  it’ll be fun.  no matter what happens, it’s a 4-hour, thereabouts, run, with blocked streets, hydration stations, through the town i was born in.  and i get to sleep in my own bed the night before.  now that’s nice! and back to training, i’m not even very fast.  but who cares?  in my book, if you start, and finish, you win. 

peace OUT.  hang tough with your Lenten promises.  add new ones as Lent progresses.  for me, i want to go to Mass during the week, too.  and i’m trying to at least LIStEN to the Rosary every day.  “Now Bible” app on your iphone.  so soothing and certainly worthwhile.

sigh :)))

Goodnight, Moon!

Standard

Full weekend – all the while knowing this is a school night…so, after a weekend involving – in no particular order – hungover college kids, 3 packs of bacon, lots of beer, pancake shots(huh?), pancakes with vermont syrup, animal ER (bloody dew claw on neville), a big fight btw me & hubs, visiting his poor dying dad, po-boys, cute shoes, and most importantly, Mass…I took moments for myself and went outside – beer in hand, crystal-clear sky overhead, heavily bedazzled with stars, owl in the trees, no Mosquitos around – pretty heavenly…for a second – then the door opened – mom? Is this my shirt from pre-k that i Made and why does she have it? Mom, I was shaving & shaved my nail off & I think I’m going to bleed to death. Please come in and help me choose between prehistory & current terrorism. Oh hell’s bells…no, your shirt is tucked away safely; you won’t die-here’s a bandaid; which course is easier? Back outside – owl moved to other side of yard & sky was just as book perfect as goodnight moon…school tomorrow, new chapters to be written in the book of life,..sigh…thank You, Jesus❤gotta check on little one who walks softly & plays in mardi gras hats while she should Be sleeping / iPhone entry❤

Ps – I love my life 💟🙏