Tag Archives: narcissism

‘sa duuuu…aka what’s up? dude? :)


What a journey. What a freaking journey. You know me. I work backwards. Ass backwards as my mom used to say. Not about me, but backwards was often prefaced with that colorful adjective…ass backwards. ūüôā Say it and feel the joy if you don’t believe me. I’ll wait……there, said it? Good.

I move backwards from the moment, yes? So, I sit here this morning. Holy Thursday morning, Maundy (SP?), what have you. It’s the day my Lord and Savior had the Last Supper and then got arrested afterwards. Lent has been an extremely powerful journey for me this year but that’s for another post. pretty much.

I sit here this morning – here’s what I’ve done so far. I woke up at 5 after placing my intentions with God last night – I will wake up joyful and with purpose. There were about 25 seconds of oh-shit-why-why-why-do-i-have-to-get-up-this-freaking-early but hey, I got right to it. I prayed. I walked the dog. I fed all the animals. I gave my daughter a valium. :))))) For her wisdom teeth extraction!!! ¬†Which is why I’m typing fast – I gotta get her up & dressed so we can go get her four – count ’em 4 – wisdom teeth extracted. Got my other daughter to school for 7 so she could take a make-up biology test…on the way to school she told me the sweet story about the kid in her class yesterday – during the video about DNA, there was a person blowing into the box to move some particles of something around and one of her classmates took the opportunity to say, “He’s hot boxing the DNA, dude!” He got detention. Poor teacher. Okay, I laughed. Then I said, poor teacher. That was a highly inappropriate comment. He should receive detention and I hope YOU didn’t laugh at that.

Anywho. I have so much to catch up on on here. I am here! So there’s that! And I’m still sober!!!! ¬†That.is.freaking.amaze.balls. Truly. I treasure my sobriety right there under my relationship with God Himself. And I am not kidding on that.

Looks like I haven’t posted since January?

I went back to school! UL Lafayette. I am a student! I love it. I was momentarily freaked out like I would be the oldest person on campus, but I am not and even if I were, I wouldn’t care. I love learning. I miss being in school.

Life with a narcissist is not easy. I won’t even go into adjectives here because there are none sufficient to describe the absolute fucked up pain they inflict. My advice if you find yourself tangled up with one? Untangle. Get out. Figure it out. Google. Read. Educate yourself. And after you’ve educated yourself? HEAL YOURSELF. There is no hope for them. Just resign yourself to that fact. Okay, one in a million may change, but resign yourself to – “My one in a million is not the one that will be changing.” They are masters of disguise. They can stuff their toxicity for a couple of weeks or more maybe, but the poison comes out. It has to. And you better be ready when it does.

I have resigned myself that if I am going to be here, I am going to heal while I am here. My daughters are here and I am empowering them, educating them, loving them, and helping them to grow into self-sufficient women. I am working with a PhD who I absolutely get along with. Crazy fact? He has known my family since 1981. He has amazing insight. He has been very helpful and I’ll continue to work with him on healing and therapy.

Okay, gotta go wake up my beautiful girl. Any readers of mine out there, how are YOU?

Peace out.



So. ¬†Breaking away from what holds us hostage to our past is NEVER easy. ¬†I am almost in an apartment to seal the deal on our separation. ¬†Of course, I am constantly barraged about how senseless and reckless I am, especially with money…a slacker with champagne tastes. ¬†hmm. ¬†I beg to differ.

Yesterday evening, since my husband uses my daughters as pawns and won’t let us see each other unless I come back here, I went to Mass at the Cathedral in town. ¬†I was pleasantly surprised to walk in and hear the Rosary being prayed. ¬†I joined in. ¬†Mass was lovely. ¬†I was actually trying to decide between an AA meeting & Mass. ¬†As God would have it, I trusted Him, and look where He lead me: ¬†Rosary, Mass, AND an AA meeting!

I am starting to make sense of meditation. ¬†Because of my upbringing, I always thought meditation was a hippie-thing. ¬†Not for people who worshiped God and for sure not for people who claim Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior, like me. ¬†Well, after Mass, I had about :15 minutes or so before I needed to leave for the meeting. ¬†And I meditated. ¬†Right there in church. ¬†I just fixed my gaze on Jesus. ¬†Sometimes I closed my eyes, sometimes not. ¬†The healthier I become, the more in tune I become with energy. ¬†It’s amazing. ¬†And I felt the presence of Jesus’ beautiful energy enveloping me and loving me and assuring me that I was, indeed, on the right path. ¬†It might feel odd, not having my daughters with me every night. ¬†That hurts. ¬†It pokes at my heart like nothing else. ¬†My husband knows that, too. ¬†That’s why he uses them in that way. ¬†But God looks upon our hearts. ¬†And I know that what God sees in my heart is that I am trying my best to be obedient to Him.

After my meeting, I went to Fresh Market & bought some candy & a big bottle of Italian sparkling water.  I went to the hotel of the night, where they just happened to have one room left due to a recent cancellation (thanks, God), prayed, and went to bed.