Tag Archives: motherhood

Welcome to my life. There, you’ve been warned :)

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I drank my last drink exactly 3 years ago today. Tomorrow is my sober birthday. May 6, 2014. I love that day and date. It was May 5, 2014 and I ordered Mexican food, margaritas, and beer…Modelo Especial and Stella Artois. Looking back, I rarely had beer in the house…cause I drank it. All.

Anywho, so this is where I welcome you into my life. I’ve been silent on many issues for the majority of it and, well, I’m just not going to be that way anymore. I can’t think of a better day than today to start living more authentically. I was ambivalent about being open with regard to alcoholism. I understand that some people are pretty out there about it and some people aren’t. I get it. I respect it. I had to think long and hard about what being an alcoholic means to me. I realized over the past several days that the simple reason I keep it under wraps is because…wait for it….fear!  Yes, fear!  What will they think?  They, they, they. I’m tired of being the inaccessible piece of God-made goodness that floats through the universe not really showing up to life as fully as I could. Let me be clear: I show up a LOT MORE than I ever did in these last three years. It’s so weird how normal I do some things now, especially with regard to communication. If I don’t understand something, I ask. Yes, folks, I ask questions! :)))) And I don’t feel badly about it, either. I was just at lunch with a magnificent group of women. I marvel at them; they are all so gifted in different ways…the subject of FaceBook came up and someone mentioned she couldn’t understand how anyone could put so much of their lives on social media. I thought about it. I share a lot, I think. I have lots of social media platforms and I’m always considering more. For me, I have lived my life without healthy consistency. It’s been a great life. It’s been extremely difficult at times.

Funny: I put a deposit down on an apartment a few weeks ago. I was given the choice to live above regular tenants or above a business. I could have the first apartment much sooner. Let me think about it…I did. And the conclusion I came to is that I’ve tiptoed around my whole life and I’m sick of tiptoeing. I’m not doing it anymore. At least above the 9-5 business, my workouts and rumpussing won’t bother anyone. Not funny: I’m scared to have that conversation with him. Seriously what does a person say in a situation like this? Very little, I think. Nothing will come out right.

Me: Hey, you suck. I’m leaving.

Him: No, YOU suck. YOU aren’t leaving till I SAY!

See what I mean? There’s just no organic flow happening. Holy Spirit, You gotta come through on this when the time comes.  Read the rest of this entry

keepin’ on…

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wow.  so much time has passed  & i have wanted to empty the coconut.  now my ADD brain is reeling with things left to do today, so i may sound disjointed.  wow.  that never happens.  anywho.  Mass this morning at my sweet daughter’s school.  she had two intentions to read and she did a beautiful job.  she has such a sweet, kind heart for God; there are no words to descirbe her raw, simple devotion.

so, i sat & looked around at everyone & felt happy & humbled to be in His presence.  my heart was a little sad due to all the tug of war happening educationally-speaking.  i can’t say too much now, but anyone who has kept up with my blog knows that this year has been a doozy.  and not a great american cookie factory one, with vanilla icing squishing out the sides.  i’m talking a what-in-the-ever-loving-h-e-double-hockey-sticks are they talking about?

yeah.

so, heavy hearted, yet, draped by God’s love, i moved on to one of my favorite Roman Catholic bookstores in town to find something for hubs & for my sweet son’s former girlfriend.  i knew i wanted to give her a Clinging Cross for her Confirmation and i will be lucky enough to see her this weekend to give it to her.

i immediately asked for any information they had on the Seven Sorrows Rosary.  i bought a CD.  i learned about this while doing my wednesday hour of Adoration at STM.  btw, that hour of adoration taught me more about my own Roman Catholic faith than anything i had ever experienced in my life.  and that’s the truth.  anywho, so yeah, they had it.  i bought the Rosary CD recited by Imaculee herself.  i was on the verge of tears in the store, but did a great job not to come undone like a fool – i mean, really.  hold it together, right??

i got to the car & opened the CD & immediately began listening to it.  y’all.  to listen to something as told from Mary’s perspective.  again – there are no words.  but i can say this.  i am forever touched by what i heard.  i humbly offered my prayers along with Imaculee’s.

my daily prayers include asking Mary to help me be like her.  in all ways.  She is the best example of motherhood, wifehood, womanhood any of us moms (especially us moms) could aspire to…

i think we pray, pray, pray, and we certainly should pray without ceasing, according to the Bible.  over the years, this has become really easy for me.  okay, it’s easier when no one is home, but you get the idea.  i don’t ever think or wonder if my prayers are being answered or if they are going to be answered.  i simply put ALL my faith in God.  i know that if we ask for something good, He will most likely grant it.  easier still, ask for His Will.  that just cuts to the chase & makes it really easy.  as long as we act according to His Will, we will be on His Path and we will find true joy & happiness.  with the aforementioned caveats.  you know, life is not a bed of roses & no matter how close we become to God, we still gotta do time on this planet & that means one thing – problems – big, little, whatever.  anywho.  i had a glimpse today that my prayers are indeed heard and actually are answered.  i can’t describe it, but i had this spirit infusion after Mass as i told some acquaintences good-bye that, yes, Mary was indeed showing me the way.  as a mother does.  gently, quietly, prayerfully.

and i, in my human, frail, sinfulness, am hanging onto Her beautiful hand.  i will go anywhere She leads me.

peace.

oh, 5th Sunday, y’all.  keep on keepin’ on!!!!  what a beautiful time to grow closer to God & everyone He has sent for us…