Tag Archives: Jesus

‘sa duuuu…aka what’s up? dude? :)

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What a journey. What a freaking journey. You know me. I work backwards. Ass backwards as my mom used to say. Not about me, but backwards was often prefaced with that colorful adjective…ass backwards. 🙂 Say it and feel the joy if you don’t believe me. I’ll wait……there, said it? Good.

I move backwards from the moment, yes? So, I sit here this morning. Holy Thursday morning, Maundy (SP?), what have you. It’s the day my Lord and Savior had the Last Supper and then got arrested afterwards. Lent has been an extremely powerful journey for me this year but that’s for another post. pretty much.

I sit here this morning – here’s what I’ve done so far. I woke up at 5 after placing my intentions with God last night – I will wake up joyful and with purpose. There were about 25 seconds of oh-shit-why-why-why-do-i-have-to-get-up-this-freaking-early but hey, I got right to it. I prayed. I walked the dog. I fed all the animals. I gave my daughter a valium. :))))) For her wisdom teeth extraction!!!  Which is why I’m typing fast – I gotta get her up & dressed so we can go get her four – count ’em 4 – wisdom teeth extracted. Got my other daughter to school for 7 so she could take a make-up biology test…on the way to school she told me the sweet story about the kid in her class yesterday – during the video about DNA, there was a person blowing into the box to move some particles of something around and one of her classmates took the opportunity to say, “He’s hot boxing the DNA, dude!” He got detention. Poor teacher. Okay, I laughed. Then I said, poor teacher. That was a highly inappropriate comment. He should receive detention and I hope YOU didn’t laugh at that.

Anywho. I have so much to catch up on on here. I am here! So there’s that! And I’m still sober!!!!  That.is.freaking.amaze.balls. Truly. I treasure my sobriety right there under my relationship with God Himself. And I am not kidding on that.

Looks like I haven’t posted since January?

I went back to school! UL Lafayette. I am a student! I love it. I was momentarily freaked out like I would be the oldest person on campus, but I am not and even if I were, I wouldn’t care. I love learning. I miss being in school.

Life with a narcissist is not easy. I won’t even go into adjectives here because there are none sufficient to describe the absolute fucked up pain they inflict. My advice if you find yourself tangled up with one? Untangle. Get out. Figure it out. Google. Read. Educate yourself. And after you’ve educated yourself? HEAL YOURSELF. There is no hope for them. Just resign yourself to that fact. Okay, one in a million may change, but resign yourself to – “My one in a million is not the one that will be changing.” They are masters of disguise. They can stuff their toxicity for a couple of weeks or more maybe, but the poison comes out. It has to. And you better be ready when it does.

I have resigned myself that if I am going to be here, I am going to heal while I am here. My daughters are here and I am empowering them, educating them, loving them, and helping them to grow into self-sufficient women. I am working with a PhD who I absolutely get along with. Crazy fact? He has known my family since 1981. He has amazing insight. He has been very helpful and I’ll continue to work with him on healing and therapy.

Okay, gotta go wake up my beautiful girl. Any readers of mine out there, how are YOU?

Peace out.

…And I’m learning some more :)))

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Morning. My sweet 9th grader is at camp on her first day as an Assistant Counselor. She was so excited. She has a beautiful heart. She and my 8th grader recently had a lemonade stand for 3 days. They took their money and a list from our local animal shelter & bought everything they could and we brought it over to Angel Paws in New Iberia. They were so proud to be able to help and do their part. They amaze me. It was all their idea & they just ran with it. The shelter was so hospitable and thankful. We stayed for a good while and we all played with the cats & dogs. It was extremely difficult to leave empty-handed. I know for sure that I will always have a rescued pet. Or two. Or three… :)))

This journey, y’all. wow. I place my relationship with God above all else. I know His guiding hand is right there on my shoulder. I yield to Him everyday, and especially now, because this is unchartered territory for me. I am really getting a lot out of therapy – when things fell apart in early May, someone involved in our situation told me I needed to see a therapist for myself. I took the advice of all the professionals – they had walked the walk & I was more than happy to hear, accept and follow the advice they gave. I remember telling my therapist, “I was told I needed to come see you, so here I am and I’m not sure what to say.” :))) Well, that gave way to some great conversations that have prompted me to look at my life differently. And can I tell you the times, they are a’changin??? Lord.

So, alcohol. GONE. I’m so happy about that. May 5 was the last day for me. It was difficult at times, and still is, even sometimes. But everytime I say no and I am proud of my choice. I would never think I would be tested by someone close to me who knew the path I had chosen. Hubs has tried twice to get me to “taste it and tell me if you think it’s good.” Um, no. The first time was at our anniversary dinner & I was pretty surprised that he asked me to partake in what used to be one of my favorite after-dinner drinks, Frangelico straight up chilled. Then, in New Orleans over the weekend, he wanted me to taste his bloody Mary. I just said no. Go Nancy Reagan. I am still surprised that those who we least expect, those seemingly closest to us, can challenge us to go against what we have set in stone. I still believe that in relationships, we should build one another UP, and encourage one another to succeed. It’s a bit of a dagger. But it didn’t hit any arteries 🙂

I still want to buy the book, “Dry”. The author-dude gets out of rehab for alcohol & pretty much doesn’t know what to do with himself. So he starts writing everything that transpires. I love the idea of seeing the world through a newly sober person’s eyes.

I adore health & fitness. I have been skulking around the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, an online program based in NYC, for about 6 months. I heard about it during a podcast and I was intrigued. Everything about it spoke to me. It’s a 12-month program and at the end, if I pass everything, I can take a certification test to be a certified health coach! That is so me. And the curriculum studies food, diets, feelings, spirituality, all related to our entire world and most importantly, how we relate to food. So me. I wouldn’t commit, though. I thought I was waiting for the right time, but in actuality, I was not fulfilling my own dream because I didn’t think it was important enough. So, guess what? It IS important enough! I signed up! I start on July 14 and I have already started my Fundamentals part of it. I love it. It is so me. Last night, I was up till 12:30 just going through the Fundamentals section – there are videos & Power Points & so much good stuff. I am proud of myself for taking the leap! Last Thursday, I attended yet another webinar that IIN put on. I gave myself an ultimatum – if I wake up Friday morning & still feel strongly about this school, I’m calling and enrolling. I prayed, of course, for God’s will. I asked Him to please let me know if I should pursue this or move on. Well, Friday morning rolled around & my feet hit the floor like always, bright & early and guess what? I knew. He put His confirmation in my heart and I knew that was the day I could start pursuing MY dream…MY dream that I want to help others with. I’m so excited.

And this is just the beginning. There are so many new changes to come, I just know it. I feel it. It’s impossible to stay stagnant while opening our hearts to the life God has placed before us.

I’m still doing my Les Mills Pump workouts. I’m still doing my heart rate training. I am loving the run. My 9th grader has had summer workouts at her school in Grand Coteau and I’ve used that time to run & walk & stay on track with my HR training.

Life is good.

Alright, I gotta get some work done around this house!

I hope & pray the peace of Our Lord Jesus is with each of you!

Lent – coming up on the third Sunday!

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this will be a mishmash.  shocker, i know.  Lent – the 3rd week IS on my mind.  a LOT.  but, as usual, so are lots of other things.  and at the moment, it’s just me in the house.  say what???  well, my daughters are in the poolhouse – one daughter is having a friend sleep over and when a friend sleeps over, well, the whole conversation, at this point of the evening, gets very much on a need-to-know basis, and clearly, I DON’T NEED TO KNOW :)))))  so, they retreat to the pool house.  if i am the only one in the house, then why in tarnation am i having to be sentenced to listening to a disney show?  that hefty kid who got thin?  you know? jake and josh.  yesssss.  nailed it.

anywho.  let’s see.  Lent.  has made me think.  dude.  a LOT.  about real necessities.  i make these quiet – as in i don’t tell anybody – that way i don’t have to actually commit.  however, God knows what goes on in this heart and coconut, so He deals with my thoughts as they come – i make these quiet edicts within myself.  like…that’s it.  i don’t think i ever want to eat crawfish and drink beer.  well, the chances of that happening – or not happening, as it were – may be good.  i do love me some crawfish and beer.  but as i delve deeper into Lent and what it means – and to me it means getting real.  keeping what counts, shucking what doesn’t and in all along, giving it up for God – thinking of Jesus.  so, for me, i gave up meat, beer, and cheap gluten.  i know, ‘cheap’ gets me too.  on occasion, i have a piece of Ezekiel bread.  and i’m a runner for Heaven’s sake.  my body does actually need a modicum or better of gluten, i think.  well, on the gluten front, if i am craving it, i eat it.  like tonight for instance.  it’s no-meat-Friday, right?  took my daughter and her friend to the best po-boy place EVA.  (olde tyme grocery).  for the FIRST TIME ever, i ordered a shrimp SALAD.  foregoing the langlinais bread AND beer AND shared french fries.  so i didn’t beat myself up over the batter on the shrimp that beautifully topped my salad.  i even packed my own yogurt dressing.  and i ate the croutons that came on the salad.  it was all so good.

so.  so…i’m a work in progress. we all are.  sometimes the meat thing is hard – i am doing it all through Lent, with the exception of Sundays, if i so desire.  but that’s what it’s about – sacrificing something we enjoy.  i’m sure Jesus enjoyed living His life until the Crucifixion came.  and He went through that for me.  and YOU. 

okay, so now.  the Zydeco Marathon. it’s a week from Sunday.  i went to my doctor the other day for my yearly.  i have MVP.  i found that out when i was 35.  so, my wonderful doc heard a murmur, which i’m guessing is mvp.  he wants me me check it out.  i am.  i am already scheduled.  my doc joked, ‘you run marathons, i’m sure it’s nothing…but still, get it looked at.’  for a nano-second, i was remotely scared.  why?  what if i croaked before i ran the 3-day or 6-day run in colorado?  or Chicago?  or walked St. John’s Way in Spain????  or went to the Vatican??  or Disney World?  specifically, the Carousel of Progress???? and ate the dark-chocolate-drenched-vanilla-mickey ears ?  or drank wine in belgium at Epcot?  and those are just the selfish parts of what popped into my mind; i didn’t even come close to the obvious life-changers – my children getting married and becoming parents themselves, among other things.  anywho.  i’m not worried.  i’m not stopping my life.  for what?  to wait and see what a puny little murmur means?  worse case scenario – i drop on the marathon course on march 30.  well, i was doing what i loved, they can say.

enough of that.

it’s a weird training interval, this one.  i couldn’t ramp up fully because of my timing over the marathons i did in december and january.  oh, get this – the elevation change for the Zydeco????  like 96 FEET.  Baton Rouge has almost 1,500 change in elevation!  i’m not sure what to expect weather wise.  i’d love cold & rainy, but i am expecting warm and humid.  that means i’ll be doing the galloway method.  probably 3:00 run and :30 walk.  i’m enjoying my veggies all i can this weekend, because sunday is my cut-off on greens, for the most part.  i start tapering (going a little nutty) and not consuming as many calories because i won’t be burning as many.  thinking about what i will wear.  what the weather will be.  germexxing everything.  lysoling everything.  it’ll be fun.  no matter what happens, it’s a 4-hour, thereabouts, run, with blocked streets, hydration stations, through the town i was born in.  and i get to sleep in my own bed the night before.  now that’s nice! and back to training, i’m not even very fast.  but who cares?  in my book, if you start, and finish, you win. 

peace OUT.  hang tough with your Lenten promises.  add new ones as Lent progresses.  for me, i want to go to Mass during the week, too.  and i’m trying to at least LIStEN to the Rosary every day.  “Now Bible” app on your iphone.  so soothing and certainly worthwhile.

sigh :)))

…and then…

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It’s Christmas break. And Advent. So much to say but it’s after midnight & I’m typing on my iPhone. Factor in older eyes & let’s see what we get! Mass today. ALL 5 OF OUR CHILDREN WERE THERE!!!! Wow. Seriously wow. Even my sister and my niece were there! I couldn’t figure out why I felt the way I was feeling during the Mass, but then I realized …I was simply thrilled that our whole family could come together and worship as a family.

And now. My words to Jesus are a simply put, heartfelt gift: use me for Your kingdom, Lord Jesus. Just like that. He’ll do the rest. He and His Father will equip me with all that I need. I often talk about complete surrender to him. Now I want to continue to offer Him my complete surrender, but without the strings attached – take me Lord, use me for the good of Your Kingdom. I love Him so much and now more than ever, I feel Him right by me. When I live my life according to His Will, my life is a perfectly balanced level – the little bubble is right in the middle. That’s good. Yes, storms come; they always do. But He’s already there, waiting for me so He can show me the way out.

His birthday celebration is near. I want Him to know how much I love Him. And I want Him to know that unworthy me is reporting to duty…all of me. It’s the very least I can do for someone who came for us…

Merry Christmas, y’all…

After midnight…

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1:30. A to the m y’all. I’m awake. Re-listening to podcasts…after midnight…we gonna let it all hang out…after midnight, after midnight…after midnight, we gonna drink, jump and shout…I think that’s how it goes…regardless, there is no drinking, jumping or shouting I’m happy to report…just me putting distance between myself and my snoring–I mean slumbering 😉 hubs. I dislike this time because I know I’ll be tired tomorrow. Whaddyagonnado???

I miss summer. I feel slightly sad that summer was covered in a grey veil of death. That’s just life. We can’t choose a good time to die. And our family had amazing moments and real life lessons that only come with death. Sigh.

So. I decided to skip the Cajun man tri and do my 15 mile run. I told hubs. He was down. Thursday rolled around – hubs let me know we needed to bday shop for his daughter on Friday evening. Soccer game Saturday morn @ 8:30. New Orleans after that. We stayed in a beautiful apartment on esplanade that I found while on the drive & while watching the Madness of King George on the tv in the car! This place was off the hook! 1600 sq ft of yummy wood floors, plantation shutters everywhere….and reasonably priced…so, when does this run happen?! Anywho, hubs arranged for carriage to pick us up for dinner & we all went to the Rib Room at the Omni on Royal Street. Divine. Hubs & daughter danced in the street in the Quarter afterwards to the tunes of a super-talented violinist. Very divine! Next day – beignets, Mass at the St. louis Cathedral, lunch at Company Burger, and I drove us home while hubs slept 🙂

Home. Late afternoon. I jumped into my running gear & ran outside in the heat. Then it poured, I ran home for a hat. Took off again. Lightning struck close enough that everything glowed peachy blue. Home!!! Treadmill! 7 miles in, the dang electricity went off and the rain had already stopped! Huh?! I grumbled my way through the living room & headed out a-gain! I finished my 15 miles & felt pretty darn good – lots of unexpected goodness (and calories) over the weekend, but crossing through that 15 miler was sweet!!!! Sweet as those hot/crispy/ powdered sugar covered beignets in one of my favorite cities ever!!!

Goodnight, y’all…

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God willing, I added a couple of pictures from the 15 miler – things sure are beautiful after a storm…and the church is the St. Louis Cathedral in New Orleans, where we attended Mass on Sunday morning…

Good mornin’, y’all!!!:)))

Goodnight, Moon!

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Full weekend – all the while knowing this is a school night…so, after a weekend involving – in no particular order – hungover college kids, 3 packs of bacon, lots of beer, pancake shots(huh?), pancakes with vermont syrup, animal ER (bloody dew claw on neville), a big fight btw me & hubs, visiting his poor dying dad, po-boys, cute shoes, and most importantly, Mass…I took moments for myself and went outside – beer in hand, crystal-clear sky overhead, heavily bedazzled with stars, owl in the trees, no Mosquitos around – pretty heavenly…for a second – then the door opened – mom? Is this my shirt from pre-k that i Made and why does she have it? Mom, I was shaving & shaved my nail off & I think I’m going to bleed to death. Please come in and help me choose between prehistory & current terrorism. Oh hell’s bells…no, your shirt is tucked away safely; you won’t die-here’s a bandaid; which course is easier? Back outside – owl moved to other side of yard & sky was just as book perfect as goodnight moon…school tomorrow, new chapters to be written in the book of life,..sigh…thank You, Jesus❤gotta check on little one who walks softly & plays in mardi gras hats while she should Be sleeping / iPhone entry❤

Ps – I love my life 💟🙏

Three things

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I had three things on my radar today – Mass, running, and baking chocolate chip cookies. Thank You, Jesus.

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They all ha

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They all happened! The text is From me to my son – my 20 year old. My relationship with God is the most important thing in my life. I wish, more than anything, to impart in our children, how important a relationship with our living God is…

Peace.