Tag Archives: help

Welcome to my life. There, you’ve been warned :)

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I drank my last drink exactly 3 years ago today. Tomorrow is my sober birthday. May 6, 2014. I love that day and date. It was May 5, 2014 and I ordered Mexican food, margaritas, and beer…Modelo Especial and Stella Artois. Looking back, I rarely had beer in the house…cause I drank it. All.

Anywho, so this is where I welcome you into my life. I’ve been silent on many issues for the majority of it and, well, I’m just not going to be that way anymore. I can’t think of a better day than today to start living more authentically. I was ambivalent about being open with regard to alcoholism. I understand that some people are pretty out there about it and some people aren’t. I get it. I respect it. I had to think long and hard about what being an alcoholic means to me. I realized over the past several days that the simple reason I keep it under wraps is because…wait for it….fear!  Yes, fear!  What will they think?  They, they, they. I’m tired of being the inaccessible piece of God-made goodness that floats through the universe not really showing up to life as fully as I could. Let me be clear: I show up a LOT MORE than I ever did in these last three years. It’s so weird how normal I do some things now, especially with regard to communication. If I don’t understand something, I ask. Yes, folks, I ask questions! :)))) And I don’t feel badly about it, either. I was just at lunch with a magnificent group of women. I marvel at them; they are all so gifted in different ways…the subject of FaceBook came up and someone mentioned she couldn’t understand how anyone could put so much of their lives on social media. I thought about it. I share a lot, I think. I have lots of social media platforms and I’m always considering more. For me, I have lived my life without healthy consistency. It’s been a great life. It’s been extremely difficult at times.

Funny: I put a deposit down on an apartment a few weeks ago. I was given the choice to live above regular tenants or above a business. I could have the first apartment much sooner. Let me think about it…I did. And the conclusion I came to is that I’ve tiptoed around my whole life and I’m sick of tiptoeing. I’m not doing it anymore. At least above the 9-5 business, my workouts and rumpussing won’t bother anyone. Not funny: I’m scared to have that conversation with him. Seriously what does a person say in a situation like this? Very little, I think. Nothing will come out right.

Me: Hey, you suck. I’m leaving.

Him: No, YOU suck. YOU aren’t leaving till I SAY!

See what I mean? There’s just no organic flow happening. Holy Spirit, You gotta come through on this when the time comes.  Read the rest of this entry

‘sa duuuu…aka what’s up? dude? :)

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What a journey. What a freaking journey. You know me. I work backwards. Ass backwards as my mom used to say. Not about me, but backwards was often prefaced with that colorful adjective…ass backwards. 🙂 Say it and feel the joy if you don’t believe me. I’ll wait……there, said it? Good.

I move backwards from the moment, yes? So, I sit here this morning. Holy Thursday morning, Maundy (SP?), what have you. It’s the day my Lord and Savior had the Last Supper and then got arrested afterwards. Lent has been an extremely powerful journey for me this year but that’s for another post. pretty much.

I sit here this morning – here’s what I’ve done so far. I woke up at 5 after placing my intentions with God last night – I will wake up joyful and with purpose. There were about 25 seconds of oh-shit-why-why-why-do-i-have-to-get-up-this-freaking-early but hey, I got right to it. I prayed. I walked the dog. I fed all the animals. I gave my daughter a valium. :))))) For her wisdom teeth extraction!!!  Which is why I’m typing fast – I gotta get her up & dressed so we can go get her four – count ’em 4 – wisdom teeth extracted. Got my other daughter to school for 7 so she could take a make-up biology test…on the way to school she told me the sweet story about the kid in her class yesterday – during the video about DNA, there was a person blowing into the box to move some particles of something around and one of her classmates took the opportunity to say, “He’s hot boxing the DNA, dude!” He got detention. Poor teacher. Okay, I laughed. Then I said, poor teacher. That was a highly inappropriate comment. He should receive detention and I hope YOU didn’t laugh at that.

Anywho. I have so much to catch up on on here. I am here! So there’s that! And I’m still sober!!!!  That.is.freaking.amaze.balls. Truly. I treasure my sobriety right there under my relationship with God Himself. And I am not kidding on that.

Looks like I haven’t posted since January?

I went back to school! UL Lafayette. I am a student! I love it. I was momentarily freaked out like I would be the oldest person on campus, but I am not and even if I were, I wouldn’t care. I love learning. I miss being in school.

Life with a narcissist is not easy. I won’t even go into adjectives here because there are none sufficient to describe the absolute fucked up pain they inflict. My advice if you find yourself tangled up with one? Untangle. Get out. Figure it out. Google. Read. Educate yourself. And after you’ve educated yourself? HEAL YOURSELF. There is no hope for them. Just resign yourself to that fact. Okay, one in a million may change, but resign yourself to – “My one in a million is not the one that will be changing.” They are masters of disguise. They can stuff their toxicity for a couple of weeks or more maybe, but the poison comes out. It has to. And you better be ready when it does.

I have resigned myself that if I am going to be here, I am going to heal while I am here. My daughters are here and I am empowering them, educating them, loving them, and helping them to grow into self-sufficient women. I am working with a PhD who I absolutely get along with. Crazy fact? He has known my family since 1981. He has amazing insight. He has been very helpful and I’ll continue to work with him on healing and therapy.

Okay, gotta go wake up my beautiful girl. Any readers of mine out there, how are YOU?

Peace out.

Yoga Retreat Sneak Peek Review

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I was conflicted.  I am in South Louisiana.  My state flooded last weekend…well, the southern part anyway.  So, while I am doing what I can – financially and practically, I feel unbelievably grateful because we didn’t sustain any damage personally.  Our neighborhood, yes; us, no.  So, while my life doesn’t have the incredible inconveniences that come with natural disasters (this IS Louisiana, don’t forget; I have spent too many nights and days to count that we were “out” of electricity. No air conditioning in South Louisiana after a hurricane is vomit-provoking)

Anyway, I guess what I am saying is, I almost feel guilty taking time in my day for my job that I love. But I am.  So, here goes…

The Yoga Retreat (21 Days) will be out in September.  Today on Beachbody on Demand, we had a sneak peek.  I never really check out the sneak peeks, but I was intrigued by this one because I have always been interested in yoga and have never been able to successfully complete one single “lesson” or “practice” as I’m now told.  So.Today I did!  It was amazing.  The guy who teaches it is very cool, not the kind of guy I was expecting at all.  He seems pretty Southern California, laid back, very knowledgeable and encouraging.  I started the Core Practice and complete it! I couldn’t believe it!  The moves were doable, somewhat challenging, and let me know I was working.  What I really liked was that he encouraged proper breathing and said that breathing IS the practice.  There was someone modifying and I didn’t have to look at that dude at all.  I am really excited for this to come out and I will definitely be getting it.

I am doing 22 Minute Hard Corp beginning on September 6 and I know I can incorporate the 21-Day Yoga Retreat into my day.  The Core sneak peek was just about 3o minutes and was really relaxing and centering.  Let me put it this way: as soon as I finished my 30 minutes, I immediately clicked to do this review!  And writing reviews is something I never do.

And on that note – reviews –  that is changing!  I am going to start another FB page – one devoted to my health coaching practice and Beachbody coaching.  I am 48 and badass.  I’m going to start acting like it.  I realize more and more that I have a lot to offer and I intend to do just that.  No one gets through this life unscathed and when we can grow and share, I think that’s what it’s all about, right? The idea for the new page came to me from my 16 year old daughter a couple of weeks ago.  I liked the idea when she told me.  Then, this evening, I kept pulling pair after pair of yoga/running pants out of the dryer and with each pull, I remembered things about each pair – where I got them, how long they have lasted, do people really appreciate the craftsmanship of Lululemon athletic wear?  So, I just thought it seemed completely natural that I start embracing my badassness & just start sharing.  I might even help someone! 🙂

Alright, time to go watch the triathlon on the Olympics!  Peace out.