Yuck.

Standard

Hating the way I feel right now.  It’s the end of the month and my last month of my lease at my apartment.  I am giving it up because I am out of money and that sucks.  I feel hollow in my core, as if I just lost something dear to me.  I guess I just did.  The first time I went there after I had signed my lease was one of the most peaceful days I had experienced in a long time.  No furniture, just space and quiet peace.  My heart is broken.  To think we don’t have a place to go when the shit hits the fan sucks.  I am using the interim to save money, pay my credit cards down/off, and to submit to God’s Will.  I know He wants me to trust Him and I do, but I really feel bad.  The other part that scares me is that alcohol is off-board and I am still here dealing with the same crap that made it easy to drink.  I will embrace my sobriety.  I have a new sponsor – one of the first friends I made in sobriety.  I watched her pick up her 13 year chip on Saturday night.  She’s awesome.  She takes her recovery very seriously and I look forward to spending time with her.  Starting tomorrow night in fact!  There is a book study that she has recently started so I will be going to that.  I know this too shall pass.  I’ve put moving off till the last second because I thought something would change.  (Stop laughing:)

So, with no net to speak of, I have my 180 hours DONE and now I am looking for a place to do my CIT work.  The worst case scenario is that I will work three days a week next school year and that’s a pretty awesome thing.  I love it there.  I just can’t support myself with that alone.  The best case scenario is that I get a CIT position and start learning how to be an addiction counselor, which is where my real passion lies.  (Okay, kids and addiction are my passion areas:)

I already scheduled to get my washer & dryer picked up – I had rented them.  The good news is that I already paid for my Integrative Nutrition school – the last payment was about a month ago.  So, little by little, I will get to wherever it is God intends for me to be.  The more I type, the more I realize one of my primary defects of character is lack of trust of God – I definitely need to work on that.

Bottom line – I just can’t see not being present with my girls.  They get very little when I am not here and that is unacceptable.  I can take a lot of crap to ensure they are properly supervised and properly advised.

So, here goes the next chapter apparently.  God be with me.

About southernrunningmom

Contact me like this: Via FaceBook - Mary Broussard, Certified Health Coach (feel free to private message me) or e-mail me - southernholistichealth@gmail.com. I am also on Twitter - MaryBob143. Instagram - Southern Running Mom...peace out. I keep my original profile details up because...well, that was my truth back then. Today, I'm much different. And busy. So, I'll update the About Me section very soon. Meanwhile, my tags would be: recovery, AA, 12 Steps, honesty, abuse, recognizing narcissism. Any who, thanks for reading this far. Mom with great husband & family...I totally love running, cooking, gardening...

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