Monthly Archives: June 2016

Yuck.

Standard

Hating the way I feel right now.  It’s the end of the month and my last month of my lease at my apartment.  I am giving it up because I am out of money and that sucks.  I feel hollow in my core, as if I just lost something dear to me.  I guess I just did.  The first time I went there after I had signed my lease was one of the most peaceful days I had experienced in a long time.  No furniture, just space and quiet peace.  My heart is broken.  To think we don’t have a place to go when the shit hits the fan sucks.  I am using the interim to save money, pay my credit cards down/off, and to submit to God’s Will.  I know He wants me to trust Him and I do, but I really feel bad.  The other part that scares me is that alcohol is off-board and I am still here dealing with the same crap that made it easy to drink.  I will embrace my sobriety.  I have a new sponsor – one of the first friends I made in sobriety.  I watched her pick up her 13 year chip on Saturday night.  She’s awesome.  She takes her recovery very seriously and I look forward to spending time with her.  Starting tomorrow night in fact!  There is a book study that she has recently started so I will be going to that.  I know this too shall pass.  I’ve put moving off till the last second because I thought something would change.  (Stop laughing:)

So, with no net to speak of, I have my 180 hours DONE and now I am looking for a place to do my CIT work.  The worst case scenario is that I will work three days a week next school year and that’s a pretty awesome thing.  I love it there.  I just can’t support myself with that alone.  The best case scenario is that I get a CIT position and start learning how to be an addiction counselor, which is where my real passion lies.  (Okay, kids and addiction are my passion areas:)

I already scheduled to get my washer & dryer picked up – I had rented them.  The good news is that I already paid for my Integrative Nutrition school – the last payment was about a month ago.  So, little by little, I will get to wherever it is God intends for me to be.  The more I type, the more I realize one of my primary defects of character is lack of trust of God – I definitely need to work on that.

Bottom line – I just can’t see not being present with my girls.  They get very little when I am not here and that is unacceptable.  I can take a lot of crap to ensure they are properly supervised and properly advised.

So, here goes the next chapter apparently.  God be with me.