You pulled me outside tonight…
Creepy, foggy darkness
Illuminated cotton-ball moon.
Running didn’t feel right.
Music & walking with You did.
“Lost” on my search bar
Turned up amazing songs that mean so much to me. 180 Degrees South = Utah a couple of summers ago. Clear air, clear skies, clear people, clear objectives, clear eyes, clear thoughts (somewhat) and especially clear hearts. My son’s face reflected love and life again. I was honored to witness his re-birth. I just get these fleeting moments of…anxiety/remorse/sorrow over my brother. I know I won’t, but I never want to forget any of our memories, even the bad ones. He fought so hard at times to be the person he so desired to be. I loved when he was in a good place. We could talk for the longest time. He always made me laugh and had the perfect impression of our mom when she was drunk. Joe was a riot. He would take me out on a school night and I would get so loaded that I had to miss school the next day. Loaded as in the next morning I would put my foot on the floor to make the room stop spinning…not my finest moments, but part of my story. We were lost souls, lost siblings…he taught me how to drive a 5-speed one evening and then when we got home, he showed me how to shoot whiskey. Turns out I was good at both.:-/
Anywho…sigh…I guess I’ll be using my blog for a variety of brain dumps. I’m not sure what the half poetry thing is about. I think my brain is tired. I miss Joe. Getting through this without having seen him to tell him goodbye AND not having my sisters present has made this exceptionally difficult. I take refuge in the fact that next weekend me and both my sisters will be together and that will help I’m sure.
Tomorrow is Friday. And Festival International weekend!