The news of my brother’s death came to me on Sunday afternoon. Easter Sunday. My wedding anniversary. That last thing doesn’t hold much weight this year. Anywho.
Beach on Monday. Today is Friday. I am glued to the couch. My body feels completely weighted down. I didn’t go to sleep until almost 4 o’clock this morning. I ate half a box of Froot Loops. I feel like someone has reached in to me and pulled out my heart and my guts. Alcohol is not an option. So yeah… Just pretty much sitting with feelings of extreme uncomfortabibility. My head hurts. it just sucks. Knowing that there will never be another football season ever again that I can give my brother a hard time about Nick Saban just makes me die inside. Never will see another voicemail from him fucked up or elated with life – makes me sick.
So, my outlet is to run. Until my heart and eyes burn and my legs weaken and I have to stop to release the tears…privately, but not, on some desolate road where i can be alone with my feelings. Joe told me once that tears were the Holy Spirit cleansing me from the inside out. I’ll take that.
My dad with my brother who died in May from a cycling accident, my brother Joe, and my two sisters – I was not on the scene yet 🙂