He’s gone. Just like that. Alcohol…probably drugs…what does it matter? The same insidious fucked up fucking piece of shit disease that has so many of us in it’s grips…squeezed the life out of Joe this morning. Oh, and now the pain. It hurts more than anything. I loved him so much. We were so close. Watching him slip deeper and deeper into the abyss was difficult and pissed me off. The last phone conversation we had ended abruptly. He was so altered that I didn’t answer when he called back. I tried. I put stuff on his wall on Facebook. Pictures from when we were little etc. he wouldn’t call me back. Finally today, Easter Sunday, I tried to call him after mass.”where you at, you big ole honkey? I love you. Happy Easter. Call me.” He had just died when I left this message. I will never hear his voice again except on the voicemails I will never get rid of. Now the pain is thick and it’s making its way through the back of my throat and into my jaw and it tingles and makes me want to vomit. I can’t believe he’s gone. My beautiful brother who struggled with so much pain he couldn’t bear it.