I met with my sponsor this morning planning to start going through the steps again. I packed my big book, and notebook… I stopped and got us a couple of big coffees at Starbucks. When I got to her house, we exchanged hugs as usual. As we began to talk, she told me she relapsed. In working through my own recovery program, I realize there is nothing I can say or do that would make her stop. It has to run its course. She is devastated and full of fear. We talked a lot, openly and honestly. After I left, I started thinking about what I was feeling about all this. My first thought was to put it all aside and go work out and continue with my day. But I’m not. I decided to sit with my feelings because they are painful. I prayed for her, for her safety, that she will quickly returned to her recovery program. I cried. I wondered if my feelings were out of place. And it just came to me… She is the first person I have trusted completely in years. And working through the steps with me, she knows everything about me and loves me anyway. So I understand now why I feel this way. My relationship with her has been very important. I have trusted her. This is not an easy thing for me to do. So, I am getting to a meeting at noon – my home group – and I think today I might actually share. My own recovery has been life-changing and is extremely important to me. I will get another sponsor. I already know who I intend to ask. And it feels almost adult like to experience this with my sponsor, and not get sucked into the darkness. I am able to see the situation for what it is, feel what I need to feel, and still take care of myself. That feels really good.