Everything was fine considering separation and all. Husband went out of town on one of the nights he was supposed to have my daughters so the girls were with me that night. The next day they were to be with me for the next two nights. Husband wanted to have the girls stay with him since he “lost” a night with them. Anyway the bottom Line is my sophomore wanted to keep our agreed-upon schedule and be with me. That was almost 24 hours ago. As I compose this blog post, they are sitting at a restaurant while he tries to undo the damage he caused last night. Among the grab bag of threats that were strewn about last night, we have the old if you leave here tonight don’t you ever come back here again threat; I am your parent you will do whatever I say. I was quite proud of her when she picked herself up and said she was going to wait in the car. I was not far behind her. The texts full of vitriol lasted all evening. I went to pick up my ninth grader at his house this morning because she didn’t want to stay there last night and the ugliness quickly picked up right where left off. My daughter was late for school; I was late for work; and we were both shaking and upset. When I left work, my phone was blowing up with text messages which demanded an apology from me for speaking to him in a demeaning way in front of my daughters. The rest of the threats in soon… I am canceling your credit card today; this car is actually my car; you better find a real job real fast; get an attorney. I am still shaking and anxious. The good news is I haven’t felt like this for a while which tells me I am putting distance between me and him. I also recognize that in the world of a narcissist, perpetuating fights serves to teach the victim to be quiet and not share her feelings or come to the defense of her child when she witnesses verbal abuse. In the old days, when I was living this way 24 /7, I would simply stuff my feelings and try to help the day and evening proceed as normally as possible. As if normal existed under our roof. I would also look for a way to accept responsibility because in my world I believed that in the end, he was right and I was wrong. I entered this blog post today because I didn’t know what else to do with my feelings. I thought about calling my sponsor, but I am already seeing her tomorrow morning to start working the steps again. The best news is that I relied heavily upon my higher power and all the 12-step prayers and work that I have done thus far to get me through today as safely as possible. By safely, I mean not having my self-worth depleted, not second-guessing myself. Speaking about all this is very helpful for me because I won’t keep the secret anymore.