Today was just weird. I went to the dentist thinking I was getting a scan for my implant process. But the lady told me she was going to numb my mouth. What??? Who gets their mouth to do a scan? Oh no, she said we have to expose the implant hardware. More WTF. Don’t let anybody kid you… Expose means a shot and a sharp instrument and cutting and blood and stitches. Not a scan. So the wonderful dentist comes in and I asked him are you sure you should be doing this while I’m awake? Oh yeah, it’ll be over in under five minutes. 😂😂😂😂😂🙋👸 anyWho I was brave. I did what I had to do. I was a little freaked out. They were right about one thing: I have a fairly intensive headache from my upper jaw all the way across my upper face and forehead so there’s that…
And, I’m not sure how it all played out, but today is day one of our separation. There was no drama, which is good. We sat with our daughters and explained to them that we are going to try this out and see how things go. Even though the subtle barbs were still thrown at me like Japanese throwing stars throughout this conversation, I believe we are all pretty relieved at this conclusion.
I have decided that I have to trust God in this situation especially. He has helped me see that I can’t afford to future trip, but I can do the very best to my ability with this 24 hours… This moment. And I am willing and happy to do that.
It feels a little strange of course being away from the house and my daughters and my beloved dog. I have craved a peaceful existence for so long that I am actually OK with it. My older daughter told me privately that when she is with her dad alone or me alone, things are much more on and even keel. And God knows my daughters deserve peace.
I had coffee with a treasured friend today which was wonderful. I trust her and she gets me. I also booked a flight. For the first time in over 20 years me and both my sisters are having a weekend long slumber party in Atlanta, where one of my sisters lives. I can’t put into words how excited I am about that trip. I hate to bring up the N-word (narcissist), but it may help someone read that part of what they do is to isolate their victims from all family and friends contact. The victims’ world gets extremely small until the focus is laser pointed on the abuser and his world.
So, I am happy and proud of myself that I am able to make positive changes. I am looking forward, asking for help when I need it, and trying to be of service when I can. I am kind of thinking that this new employer idea from the big book may actually be in my future too.
I am happy and grateful.
Thank you, God.