So. Breaking away from what holds us hostage to our past is NEVER easy. I am almost in an apartment to seal the deal on our separation. Of course, I am constantly barraged about how senseless and reckless I am, especially with money…a slacker with champagne tastes. hmm. I beg to differ.
Yesterday evening, since my husband uses my daughters as pawns and won’t let us see each other unless I come back here, I went to Mass at the Cathedral in town. I was pleasantly surprised to walk in and hear the Rosary being prayed. I joined in. Mass was lovely. I was actually trying to decide between an AA meeting & Mass. As God would have it, I trusted Him, and look where He lead me: Rosary, Mass, AND an AA meeting!
I am starting to make sense of meditation. Because of my upbringing, I always thought meditation was a hippie-thing. Not for people who worshiped God and for sure not for people who claim Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior, like me. Well, after Mass, I had about :15 minutes or so before I needed to leave for the meeting. And I meditated. Right there in church. I just fixed my gaze on Jesus. Sometimes I closed my eyes, sometimes not. The healthier I become, the more in tune I become with energy. It’s amazing. And I felt the presence of Jesus’ beautiful energy enveloping me and loving me and assuring me that I was, indeed, on the right path. It might feel odd, not having my daughters with me every night. That hurts. It pokes at my heart like nothing else. My husband knows that, too. That’s why he uses them in that way. But God looks upon our hearts. And I know that what God sees in my heart is that I am trying my best to be obedient to Him.
After my meeting, I went to Fresh Market & bought some candy & a big bottle of Italian sparkling water. I went to the hotel of the night, where they just happened to have one room left due to a recent cancellation (thanks, God), prayed, and went to bed.