Monthly Archives: March 2015

Codependency slips

Standard

I wasn’t sure what to call this post and realize the truth works. Now let’s just hope this actually posts. I’ve been doing well under the circumstances. That’s code for I’m sober, I’m accountable, I’m working my 12 steps, etc…hubs isn’t (well he’s sober:). It’s extremely difficult to exist near someone who consistently thinks I’m the only broken one. Remaining quiet as opposed to loud does not equate to mental wellness. We were scheduled to go to a family encounter tomorrow in Dallas – that plan is called off pending my “sincere apology” for the way I acted this afternoon. What-the-what???! One of the earliest things I learned in recovery from codependency was that apologies on demand are all about control and power. Ain’t happening. Next on tap as I came to bed was an order to pack some bags and get the f out. In due time, due time. So the codependent slip for me is his bigness, his loudness IS scary. I hate the way I feel. I am bugging the uknowwhat outta my HP – God – to help me thru this. It sucks. It is almost debilitating. I just freeze. Even tho I know what he says isn’t true, it shakes me and scares me. The difference now is that I don’t keep secrets anymore. Keeping secrets keeps me sick. Not interested. So, that’s ma slip. There are tons of good things on my mind to share, but I’m really exhausted.