Monthly Archives: July 2014

keeping it real

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i think i have a blog post with that title…anywho.

where do i start? from the here & now & work backwards. lemme just say, we had a long, wonderful day today, even though i am in my workout clothes & haven’t had my workout. even though my smoothie sits on the counter half made. we managed spacers for 8th grader, school supplies galore for 8th and 9th grader, a long-promised reading chair & lamp, thankyoutarget…

so here i sit now on the couch, covered by my favorite blanket, my brand new ipad covered in a sweet red leather cover & bluetoothed keyboard – it was a perk from signing up for my new health coaching school.

went to utah to visit my son. AAAHH.MAAAZZ.ING… my son. i don’t know if i have ever seen him so content and truly happy. that beautiful spirit i always wrote about truly shines through. i’m happy for him that he has discovered his true self.

for me…the work continues. codependency is ugly, y’all. and for someone like me, who has marinated in it for a lifetime, well, it’s just hard. having to re-visit hard issues is never easy. and there is no blame to assess; it’s about recognizing and understanding, not looking for fault to say, ‘this is why i am this way.’

my counselor asked me to – okay, strongly urged me – to complete the book prescribed – “Facing Codependency”. sigh. i was doing fine with it and then when i got a little over halfway through it, i kind of internally freaked out – like, it was just too difficult to poke and probe, whilst doing all the other assignments i’d been given. it was easy to put down & take a break. heck, how bout a permanent break from miss pia mellody??? heehee. no, i’m committed to being a well, happy, sober, mother, example, wife, etc., to my family.

i still listen to the “Four Agreements” – having that book playing in my ear is like carrying the best therapist with me.

i’m not sure where my path will lead, but it better be someplace good after all this work!!!! :))))

my prayer life is still strong as ever, even more so after the atrocities being inflicted upon fellow Christians on the other side of the world.

there is so much more i want to say, but in the interest of honoring the privacy of all those involved, i have to leave it like this…sigh. i will say this: humanity never ceases to amaze me, what we are able to do with one, precious life granted and planned by God Himself…He is so good.

One Picture

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It is subtle.

Only a mother would notice

The calm intensity reflected in his eyes.

Self-acceptance exudes from the photograph.

I looked with the same wonder

As I first looked at that face all those years ago…

Pure, sweet.

Pure and sweet, even now,

But even now, it is clear

He crossed the bridge

Between boyhood and manhood.

Only he knows the steps

He had to take to get there.

I’ll never know.

But I know this:

He visited Hell.

He had to,

Out of self-preservation,

Out of self-restoration.

Only a trip to Hell

With bootstraps to make his exodus

Could produce the man I saw today.

He took my breath away.

The content look in his face

Is what I have prayed for.

Wisdom and love and self-love

Filled his beautiful blue eyes.

This mother thanks her Father,

Knowing

All things are possible

Through His Son,

Jesus.