the filter

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Saturday afternoon about 2:30. nap. sleepover is in the books (for the 8th–wait, now 9th grader!!!) wow. just.woww. anywho. hubs went to UL game last night. my replacement book came in – I misplaced my first copy & the audio book is hard for me to follow/ADD – The Anatomy of Peace, Resolving the Heart of Conflict. OH.MY.GOODNESS. I got good & deep into the last 1/4-1/2 of the book yesterday evening. No interruptions. My daughter and her friends are amazingly good friends who do good things. They swam all day & hot tubbed & threw glow sticks around the darkened pool. I took a break to cook them dinner & they were back at being girls 🙂

I can’t do the book justice to try to explain it here. But I can tell you who the book is good for: anybody. Anybody who has any conflict in their lives in any capacity. Um, that’s humanity, I think! So, the book is structured in a way to walk the reader through experiences of parents who have brought their respective children to this place for outdoor/adventure therapy. The book, rather than looking at the children and their struggles, looks at the parents, and how we resolve conflicts. What is explained in the book follows a diagram that fully comes together toward the end of the book.

I couldn’t get through it all last night. It’s just too much to process. So, this morning, I wanted to finish it. About 3 or 4 pages before the end of the book, I could not help but cry. I cried at different times of realization earlier in the book, and was very affected by others, but this – this was big, fat, tears that I could just not turn off. Hubs was watching the news. His response was, “Maybe I should read that book.” Ya think? At once, I just saw my son, who prompted this change in me, in front of my eyes – but I saw right through his very layers of life – all the way through to his very basic core, before words or actions could mar him. I saw this perfect human that God made, full of hopes, wants, dreams, desires, fears. And I just wanted him to know at that moment how much I love him and how much I see him this way. My being a mother has been the most important role to me in this life of mine. I just wanted him to know that I was sorry for anything I have done to hurt him, any time I didn’t recognize what he needed and any time I didn’t take the time to know him. We all look back with perfect vision. I get that. He gets that, too.

So, for today…

I won’t beat myself up. I won’t judge myself. I won’t see myself through the filters that I so often find myself seeing myself through. I’ve been trying to decide if I’m actually going to run the 5k this evening. At this time, I think I will. 5Ks are the hardest race. 3-2-1, balls to the wall for 3.1 miles. No water breaks. I’m trying to decide if I’m up for that. Maybe. I’m curious how I’m running lately. Weights & fairly light running. I ate 2 donuts this afternoon. Maybe I’ll run to shuck the 360 calories contained in those two donuts. 🙂

Regardless, summer has officially started. I’m going to slow down and enjoy my blessings.

Peace, y’all.

About southernrunningmom

Contact me like this: Via FaceBook - Mary Broussard, Certified Health Coach (feel free to private message me) or e-mail me - southernholistichealth@gmail.com. I am also on Twitter - MaryBob143. Instagram - Southern Running Mom...peace out. I keep my original profile details up because...well, that was my truth back then. Today, I'm much different. And busy. So, I'll update the About Me section very soon. Meanwhile, my tags would be: recovery, AA, 12 Steps, honesty, abuse, recognizing narcissism. Any who, thanks for reading this far. Mom with great husband & family...I totally love running, cooking, gardening...

2 responses »

  1. Hey there! Been catching up on my blog reading and emails. We have been super duper busy with all 3 boys playing baseball. Its been go, go , go every night of the week and weekend, but I do LOVE it actually. Sometimes the busyness keeps my mind off of my “stuff” I battle in my own brain . The problem is when it is time to recoop and relax, I have forgotten how. I have been in prayer, believing the Almighty God to help me to relax and know real Peace!
    I was wondering how your run went? I have not been running lately:( I started logging cals and down 7.4 pounds (current weight is 162) I am so desperately trying to get to a healthy toned 130pd but feel so lost sometimes on how to get there. I am eating 1200 cals a day But the problem I am finding is that when I exercise hard like running I loose nothing on the scale those weeks! So frustrating! Now its summer and I hate the way my legs look in shorts. Sort of cottage cheesy . I never noticed I had that before last year when I was running a lot! SO scared I have lost muscle ton. Trying to do some squats on certain days thru out the week. I am realizing by not running how much running helps me EMOTIONALLY MENTALLY AND MOST IMPORTANT SPIRITUALLY! I think I need to just start running again!
    Sending prayers your way today as you have prayed for me and my mine so many times. Just because I haven’t commented in awhile, doesn’t mean I have gone…I think of you and wonder how you are doing and sending up prayers for you as God reminds me!

  2. Hey, there!!! Thank you for all your kind words and the thoughts & prayers. They are so deeply appreciated! Now…as for YOU, nothing runs on empty and that especially goes for moms, and 1200 calories is not enough. Now, I’m no doctor, but I can tell you from my own experiences – cutting back on calories does result in weight loss, but doesn’t result in a healthy lifestyle. When I start freaking out at the scale – which I rarely get on – here’s what I do: cut out ALL soda. Cut out any liquids that do not feed you nutritionally – juices, colored waters, whatever. Read labels – if there is a color or a number in the list of ingredients, don’t buy it. We are not meant to run on colors and numbers, but real, nutritional food. Next, I look at where my excess calories are coming from – for me, that usually means after dinner snacking – before I go to bed…then, I think about what I can do. I mean, we are in south Louisiana, and food is plentiful and good. Reduce gluten. Say no to pasta. Instead, get your carbohydrates from healthy sources – Ezekiel bread is awesome. Here is a biggie for me: no soy and no corn products – the only corn products I consume are non-gmo, organic. What has been huge for me is doing Les Mills Pump. Oh, my gosh. I can’t begin to tell you how awesome I am feeling about this. It’s a Beachbody product. I made a commitment to “push play” 3 times a week and I have kept that commitment since the first week of April. I still run and average about 5 or 6 workouts a week. I’m not training for a marathon at the moment.

    My race – I am still so excited about that – I was the first female finisher!!!! That was huge for me. That has never happened. I’m going to do a blog post about it, but suffice it to say that it was so exciting for me! I totally cut out alcohol beginning on May 6 and I feel much better. I believe doing that, combined with the Pump workouts has really helped me physically. The race Saturday night was a 5K & I had 8:17 miles. It was humid and warm & I was unbelievably excited about that. I just felt so strong.

    So, I think you should keep a food diary for a week or so. And, yes, by all means, kick up your physical activity. That does wonders for the body & spirit! I would avoid the scale for at least a few weeks. All that measures is blood, flesh & bone. I tell people to try on a favorite pair of jeans once a week. That keeps it real! You can tell from week to week how you are doing without the horror of the scale. Okay, I hope this helps you.

    Notice I didn’t tell you anything about your spritual health! Looks like you are doing amazing in that realm!!!

    Hugs to you. I’m always here to give the benefit of my experience!!! Talk to you soon!!!

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