i killed Jesus.


gimme a chance.  today was my first friday Adoration at my church.  my favorite hour of the month.  just me & Jesus.  our church has an adoration chapel and within that chapel is the consecrated host – the Body of Christ – displayed in a beautiful, gold monstrance.  the hour is devoted to adoring our beautiful Jesus, hence the name, adoration chapel.  adoration can be in the form of prayers – Roman Catholic prayers that we all know or read from a book or even, as in today’s hour, my Iphone – i just downloaded the Divine Office and I really like it.  the actual book of the Divine Office is quite thick and quite expensive, so i am happy to have a version of it with me at all times.  plus, it’s just me and Jesus & He certainly knows i’m using my phone for something good. 🙂

anywho, i was kneeling in front of Jesus, on a kneeler that is provided, and i was saying the Rosary.  today’s mysteries are the sorrowful mysteries, my least favorite because they are SO painful…painful to ponder, painful, painful, painful.  knowing what our perfect Lord Jesus did for us just leaves me without words.  so, i came to the decade of the rosary that was devoted to the “falling of Jesus” – where Jesus fell 3 times.  as i was considering Jesus’ journey to His death, i was thinking of His long, painful walk there, and that, yes, He had fallen 3 times while carrying His cross (probably the beam that would go behind His arms because i think the other piece – the really big piece, was already at Calvary).  i thought of my Lord falling and being ridiculed and abused and in my heart, i told Him, “i’m so sorry for what they did to you, Jesus.”  not my thoughts now, but the Holy Spirit or Jesus Himself, retorted, “They?  You.  You are in there, too.”  woah.  seriously woah.  and in split second, i knew.  i knew that all that abuse heaped upon that beautiful, perfect, sinless Lord of mine was not just what sent Him to us and to the cross, it was the sin of ALL TIME – yours, mine, the sin of our grandchildren who aren’t even born yet.  i could not apologize more profusely to Jesus than i did that minute.  and i go to Confession.  i know my sins are forgiven.  i realized i had accepted the grace of God and His endless forgiveness for the ‘big’ sins, but i never thought of my own actions contributing to the death of Jesus.  i’ve had an amazing relationship with the Holy Trinity for a long time now, but what that unexpected moment did for me today was…well, i can’t explain it except to say, imagine my heart full of love for Jesus and what He did for me.  Now, imagine opening my heart and seeing farther into it than ever before…that’s how my love for Jesus grew today…just when I thought I couldn’t love Him much more – bam!  a whole new level i had no idea even existed.  am i blessed or what?

alright, there is a little girl twirling around here who needs to be homeschooled.  🙂

may the peace of our Lord be with each of you!

About southernrunningmom

Contact me like this: Via FaceBook - Mary Broussard, Certified Health Coach (feel free to private message me) or e-mail me - southernholistichealth@gmail.com. I am also on Twitter - MaryBob143. Instagram - Southern Running Mom...peace out. I keep my original profile details up because...well, that was my truth back then. Today, I'm much different. And busy. So, I'll update the About Me section very soon. Meanwhile, my tags would be: recovery, AA, 12 Steps, honesty, abuse, recognizing narcissism. Any who, thanks for reading this far. Mom with great husband & family...I totally love running, cooking, gardening...

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