Monthly Archives: January 2014

a different rhythm…

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i just finished telling my daughter tonight–she is 14–what evenings were like when she was much, much younger and all the kids were here – as in the 3 big kids…the table was full, the burners were full, the oven was working overtime.  the house was noisy.  is your homework done?  are you sure?  who’s taking a bath first?  you can take a shower.  pre-determined breakfast requests.  all between 5 & 9 p.m.  it was divine.  things are a little slower now.  the kids are bigger; their problems are different.  my love for them is more intense, as i see them all becoming their future selves, little by little, hardship by hardship, good fortune by good fortune…the rhythm is different, but no less spectacular.  our boys are young men, good young men.  our daughter – my step, but how i love her – is amazing and strong with a beautiful, welcoming spirit.  those are the 3 big kids.  my two daughters – well, i am still lucky enough to see them every day and i thank God for that.  i know, i know, life changes, we change with it, yadda, yadda, yadda.  it still doesn’t negate the fact that sometimes, i just wish i had to holler upstairs for the big kids to come to dinner & i had the honor of kissing all 5 kids goodnight every night.  i do pretty well for the most part.  i live in the moment as best i can.  i just love our children so very much.  sigh…

peace.

grateful

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i’m here! freezing, damp, icy days…i ran the Louisiana Marathon last Sunday. 4:10. okay. i’ll take it. way far from BQ’ing, but, like anything, i got out of it what i put into it, and since i ran the practice race at the beginning of december, i hadn’t put much. and i’ve had lots of thoughts about running marathons. i LOVE them. i love pushing myself. i love being at mile 8 and realizing i have almost 20 more miles to go. i love seeing a seemingly giant overpass that I must cross to get to mile 26. i love crossing the finish line. i have to say — the time doesnt’ really matter to me. BUT i’m not going to scoot along. i do like to push myself. so…i think back – i was 39 and knew i wanted to complete a marathon ON my 40th bday. i printed out a plan and i followed it. after that, i tried to ramp up my training a little and do better. i’ve run 10 marathons since then, and my times all fluctuated between 4:02 & 4:20. my resolution to all this is that i’m going back to the start. i have 10 weeks till my next marathon and i’m going to find a basic, finish-it-type plan, and i’m going to print it out and i’m going to follow it. March 30. Lafayette, Louisiana. it’s probably gonna be humid by then, y’all. but you know what? i’m gonna run anyway. i’m gonna follow my plan and just do the best i can.

last night, hubs & our daughters and hubs’ friend from out of town went to Don’s Downtown for dinner. the beautiful owner was there & i knew right away she was a great friend of my mom’s – my mom died 15 years ago & she was much loved by so many people – when Miss Brenda realized who I was, she said, “OOOOhhh, darlin'” and just hugged me like a momma would! It brought tears to my eyes last night and even now as i recollect her genuine goodness as she reflected on the time she spent with my mom. i love encounters like that.

oh, btw i have had a pinched nerve in my back for over a week. OUCH. hubs has been great. he has gotten a traiteur to come over for 3 days in a row to help me. i’ve had massages. it’s just something to manage till the darn thing decides to let go of me. i’m not a great patient, i think, because having a constant, nagging, burning pain is a constant, burning nag!!!!! i haven’t run since the 26.2 last sunday and i’m totally fine with that. my plan is to find that plan i mentioned and just jump back on the horse as soon as i can.

i’m also on an animal protein fast. 99%. i had tuna yesterday 🙂 it was my birthday lunch with my sister and daughters and i went ahead and had a beautiful salad with grilled tuna…delish. i don’t have a problem with meat or animal protein, but i do know i feel better overall with the bulk of my diet being veggies and healthy grains – not bread, not pasta, not meat. that’s just me.

that’s it for now…peace, y’all…

Taking a break

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…taking a break (from all that is broken)

Wind, cold, waves
Restore my spirit.
Anticipation
Of an icy cold run first thing
Makes my insides
Dance and tingle.

Sadness bounces around
From ME
Feeling
Bounced around,
Unable to express
MY feelings.
Good.
Grateful.
Pissed.
Curious.
EVERYthing
With a price
I’m not sure
I’m willing to pay anymore.
“People won’t remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.”
I’m tired of compartmentalizing.
I’m ready to start decompressing,
Saying what I want,
Throwing my head back again in laughter –
Pure joy
And abandon.

I’m changing.
Whether I like it or not.

Thank You, God.