Monthly Archives: August 2013

Today.

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Today I ran…even though it was midday…in South Louisiana…and even though…
I didn’t feel like it
And I told myself the meanest things I could think of,
Things I would never, ever tell another person.
With each heavy step, I interiorly knew
I was better than the insults…way better.
I didn’t even care that my upper lip was sweating before I had reached the half-mile point.
Nothing was moving out there today, except me and a couple of cars…not even the pickle-green stagnating water
I pass regularly.
And I didn’t care.
It was a matter of principal…or principle. Hmm.
I ran because God gave me strong legs and endurance.
I ran because my father in law is dying and there is nothing I can do about it…except maybe not waste my life, abilities, and gifts.
I ran because last night was parent’s night at my daughter’s school and as I went to find a seat, I saw my old schoolmate from 6th grade…his wife, his beautiful wife with crystal blue eyes and the face of an angel is in a wheelchair. She will never leave it.
I ran because this morning, someone I am so fond of, a new mother, was hooked up to a machine, receiving chemotherapy and she is such a shining example of God’s grace.
So, yeah, I ran today.
And I prayed. For everyone I could think of…the people I love, the people I don’t; the ones who make me mad, the ones who don’t even know they are part of my prayer life…
And I thanked God for His beautiful
mercy.

Random

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What is it about smells that immediately transport me – be it a person, mood or feeling. I walked thru the house to grab something for hubs, gotta whiff of frasier fir melty thingy – bam – in my mind I’m Facebooking my brother, smoothing things over. Sigh. And even earlier today, I spied my moms tendre poison lotion – I squirted the tiniest bit in my hand – as soon as I smelled the deep rich exotic smell, I could feel my moms thick, yet bony, warm, veiny hand resting in mine, as she rested in bed, her kind brown eyes trying not to close so she could visit with me…

Peace.

P.S.

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The more I watch the news and social media, the more I wonder why I do so. After all, we are here in order to get to Heaven – God created us; He certainly doesn’t need us. So, I spend a great deal of time in prayer; I have submitted/committed myself completely to my Lord Jesus…my days are filled – beautifully – I love having my blog…I think I can better serve humanity by being slightly hermetic…offering prayers…doing whatever it is my Lord calls me to do and be. I’m good with that.

Buy the dress

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Ok – here goes – I’m homeschooling 7th grader – we had to leave the house in order to do some things to prepare for the inevitable death of my father-in-law. I didn’t really have any funeral-appropriate clothes in my closet. Not to be the daughter in law anyway…so, I have a credit card at ann Taylor. (Btw no glasses tonight + a 55 minute run; forgive me). Anywho. Me and little one dash in. She, typical, floats to a rack, pulls out a dress & tells me, “mom, this is perfect.” Which it was. But I had to try on other dresses first. And endure her theatrics trying on jewelry & headwear & sunglasses & carrying on very decadent conversations with males associated with dance moms. WTH. I loved it. She’s awesome. I digress. So, I decide on the very basic black dress, not plunging neckline, and talk myself into it – hubs doesn’t like me
In sleeveless, but I do, so the hell with it. I’m getting it. I told my daughter the situation…”guess I better do a bunch of push-ups before granddaddy dies…” I mean, what are the parameters here??? As set by hubs?? No sleeves, no boobs…I’m having visions of those cult girls who made their own pastel prairie dresses. Sigh.

I’m in line; I’m getting the simple black dress, size 2 – I’m not Aunt Bea for goodness sake… And then I see it –
The same dress except in a very cool leopard print. I grabbed it. Didn’t even try it on. Mg daughter looked at me quizzically – “Sometimes you just gotta buy the dress.”

Simple as that. I tried it after I ran and showered – perfection!!!

Too much external stimulusssesss:)))

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iPhone entry. No reader glasses. Beware. Just sayin’. My son is having the time of his life. I checked the weather where he is. Major storm moving through. Last check-in from him was “going up the mountain, might not have connection”…sigh…no worries. I have consecrated that boy to Jesus and Mary more than once. They always have my back. Son sends me pics; I upload them to Walgreens; will be a nice keepsake for him. It just feels weirded letting go of the reins. Letting go at all. I am. I know it’s right. He earned his right to his beautiful life.

Anywho.

We are on a death-watch with my father in law. My poor, beautiful husband. He’s so strong and then just for a bit is not. I’ve been there/done that. It ain’t easy. No judging allowed. People die like they are born – uniquely.

Today is my parents wedding anniversary. I’m sure they cut a rug in heaven, complete with old fashions & jitterbugging 🙂 they were a beautiful combination. Strong, Irish, Roman Catholic. When my dad died, there was a wake. Not just any wake. An Irish wake. Talk about partying! I remember, as an 8-year-old, stopping in my steps, looking around, and genuinely thinking, “My dad died.” WTH? NOW, of course, with some years, experience, and wisdom under my belt, I get it. When I die, there damn well will be an Irish wake! Old fashions & beer for everyone!

So…so much going on. We took our daughters today to buy nice dresses for their grandfather’s funeral. He is their only grandparent.

Me? I just feel heavy. Heavy-hearted for my husband and family. Heavy-heavy because I have gained over 4 pounds. UNacceptable.

I couldn’t wait to spend time with Our Lord today. He so gets me.

brain dump. brace yoself.

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damn.

happy – my 20 year old, during a conversation two days ago, threw in, “Oh, I forgot to tell you…you know that movie, “Without a Paddle?” “Yes.” “We are DOING it!” crickets. “I—I’m sorry, what? What do you mean, son?” “Me, Mitchell, Matt & Patrick, we are DOING that trip!!! We are going camping in Tennessee!” “Wow! Good for y’all! Tell me about it.” The hell with quotations & proper BS. I feel PMS’d ALL the damn time now, lately. yeah. sucks. i digress. and digest. like, mostly two frozen colossal cookies from the mall that i OVERHEARD said son telling my daughter he’d given her. she retorted, they were “melty” so she stuck them in the freezer. oh, yeah. oh, HELL yeah. SCORE!!!! ATE ’em. yep. I sure did. They weren’t mine to eat. so. I don’t really care. I chisled off a corner last night, had a little more tonight & then out of guilt, threw the bulk of them away & then realized was i cra-zee???? I promptly withdrew those cookies from the trash. I ate them. They were icy, delicious. so, yeah. camping. they are going. tomorrow, in fact. son has class tonight, and they are off. they are apparently sky-diving in northern alabama on friday. my advice? don’t get a brain-eating amoeba while you are gone. for God’s sake, be aware of your surroundings. hubs advice? no weed. that would be DUMB. i hugged him, kissed him, made the sign of the cross on his forehead with holy water and watched him lug his graduation gift duffle bag full of clothes, sleeping bag from his sophomore year retreat & his beloved pillow into his car, toss it into the passenger’s seat & back out to go on his way. something about the way he threw his stuff…it just lightened my soul. he was smiling without realizing it. he was light. he was happy. he’s responsible. he took care of everything he had to do before he left – classes, tuition, financial obligations, moving his stuff out of storage into his new apartment, switching electricity & cable…what could i say? what could i feel? he, that wonderful young man who drives himself (in every way), taking off on an adventure with his BEST friends from elementary school…i felt so happy for him. that same little boy, who at 3 was steepling his little fingers in the mall, telling me, “How ’bout you go do your own thing & I’ll go do my own thing.” 🙂 Really? What foreshadowing! My independent young man is spreading his wings in the most glorious way. I had not one negative word to say to that beautiful kid. I even called him a little while later & said, “you know, all warnings aside, you are going to have a BLAST! I LOVE YOU. Send pictures!!!” I can’t feel anything except joy.

i’m 45. i know hormones are gonna start – have already started – playing mean, uncalled for games with my body & my hormones…maybe i just need a break. i don’t know. i’m just tired. hubs doesn’t sleep well. at all. he wakes up at least once a night, usually more. i wake up. i get my stuff done every day. i’m a mom. what choice is there? i haven’t run today. i don’t really feel like it. i pretty much just wanna get some botox & chick flicks & ben & jerry’s cherry garcia fro yo. i don’t know if i’m gonna run today. my hairdresser, also a capricorn, gets me. he calls it “caving.” he likes to disconnect every once in awhile, too, and just not be held accountable. well, he’s one of the best hair guys in town, he’s a dad/husband, business owner…he surely doesn’t get to “cave” as much as he would like.

here’s the thing. i “joined” an accountability group with this sweet, fit beachbody mom who i’m already fb friends with. i love her. she’s great. if she lived in my neighborhood, we’d probably run together sometimes. but i don’t feel like being accountable to anyone. not right now. i kind of feel like i did before my first marathon. i was 39. hubs, in his never-ending generosity, got me a personal trainer. great. love that. but. then. he. wanted. to. know. all. kinds. of. crap. about. my. habits. eating? sleeping? running? yada, yada, yada. sorry, terry, but i already have to answer to bob, and i just can’t answer to another dude. how much do i owe you? I’d see him at races, cheering on his wife & I’d wave & he’d say, “Heeeeyyyy!!! You go, girlll!!!!” as i ran by. that was it. i am a lone wolf. i love being by myself. i love being with my family. but if they are occupado, no problemo, mon freres:))))

so. i don’t want to discuss my goals. i don’t want to discuss where i see myself in 6 months. i don’t want. i’ll observe & occasionlly participate & add, but that’s it. i’m not committing. that’s just the truth. i’m not a slacker. i’ll get my $hit done. i always have & i always will; it won’t hinge on someone else propping me up.

Sorry, God. I know I have a potty mouth. sometimes. But for real, if God is happy with me, I’m good. I am good.

so, for now…i love jeff galloway. today might just be an off-day, jeffy. take it or leave it, buddy. i see a samuel adams summer ale in my very, very near future. my heart is heavy – hubs/his dad. that’s just the way it is.

God’s got my back. like always. He props me up. He catches me. He LOVES me. He GETS me.

Tomorrow is a Holy Day of Obligation. 12:10 Mass. For sure. We’ll be there.

Thanks for reading. I just worked my stuff out. I’m 45. If I don’t want to be hinged to FB or groups, or anything, i don’t have to. that’s the great part about being 45. sigh. i feel much better now.

peace.out.:))))

mishmash

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2nd day of school. like, now. I’m in the class; little one is languishing in bed. We went to the doctor yesterday. No strep. Just a big runny nose and burning throat. If there is still pain tomorrow…TOMORROW??…I can call the doc back and she will call in a prescription. sigh…oh, lord.

did you know if you stick a huge handful of spinach into your smoothie that you get the glorious benefits of raw spinach and it doesn’t change the taste of your smoothie AT ALL?? I didn’t say anything about the color – your smoothie will be a lovely green hue. This morning, I ventured outside my smoothie comfort zone and made my smoothie with pineapple, vanilla almond milk, my usual vegan organic rice protein mix, a third of a banana, healthy drizzle of honey and a big handful of spinach. I kid you not, it tasted like dessert/desert. I NEVER spell it right :-]

I did my first day of T25 yesterday. nailed it. heehee. I feel like doing day 2 right now as baby languishes, but I drank my smoothie and a huge glass of water. my stomach is pretty darn full.

Neville had his dew claw taken out yesterday. Poor fella. Now he’s taking pain meds. I seriously stop in my steps to watch his stomach move in order to make sure he’s breathing. “may cause sedation” ya think? 🙂

lovely august weather. dude. i’m seriously signed up for the Cajun man tri. my bike probably has flats. I am so woefully unprepared at the moment. I don’t know if i’m up for it. I paid my $, so normally, there is no discussion. I pay, I race. plain & simple. this summer was just busy. yes, I managed to get my runs in, mainly because the girls had outdoor soccer lessons 4 days a week. so, running is fine; biking & swimming…mmmmm, notsomuch. we’ll see. last year’s race was a disaster; my first no-show. I hated myself. I baled due to girl-related reasons. let’s leave it at that. I guess another way to look at it is, it’s a 2 hour workout on a Sunday morning. and it IS good to push ourselves outside of our comfort zone. sigh. I know I CAN do it; just not sure if I WANT to do it. of course, i’m still trying to shake off the 3 pounds of Boston weight I gained a couple of weeks ago. it was the perfect storm – no workouts, lots of eating out & indulging in drinks & dessert…it was fun! now i’m paying!

I ran my cadence workout last night for :30. that was good. I took off sunday; i’m trying to follow Jeff Galloway and he definitely believes in rest days. Saturday evening I ran my marathon pace run outside. that was just FUN. Jeff incorporates walk breaks every 4 minutes in my case, so after a :45 walk break, I would run at marathon pace…I thought I was doing really well. then after I got home, and saw my mile splits, they were 8:10, 9:01, 8:41, 9:03, 8:57 and 9:57. Not bad, but not very consistent. That’s okay. I’m in the ballpark and it was a little warm out, too! It’s August in South Louisiana. :)My pace should be about 8:55…

Okay, peace out.

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