really long week and it’s just monday. just stuff. good stuff. bad stuff. unbelievable stuff. stuff. as i type, my beautiful son who i am craving time with is at his grandmother’s. that’s a good thing. she’s amazing. i miss her. but i miss my son. he’s finished with his first year of college & i just want time with him.
as in a marathon, i continue to put one foot in front of the other. even when the going gets tough. i’m not alone, for sure, but sometimes, the lonliness for the simple things – a movie with my son or lunch, or an impromptu swim or bike ride with the kids – all of them preferably – well, that just seems so far away as finals, and in the case of this year, graduation, heats up. i took the girls to the bus stop this morning & then came home and fell back asleep. i didn’t get a good night’s sleep at all and that’s pretty rare for me. i intended to swim for :30 this morning, but lasted :11. my heart wasn’t in it. i know that feeling and i don’t get it often. i back off when it creeps up.
so, here i sit – hat-headed for no good reason. i kept hoping i’d get a workout in. had chickfila with hubs for lunch. NOT my usual. no workout – NOT my usual – just put the day into a tizzy. a downspiral, dietarily, really – i had two fiber one chocolate things – 90 calories each. a microwaved bowl of udon noodles. which, to my delight, were delish. i poured milk into the inch-layer of chocolate ice cream that was left by some unsuspecting soul – and made a very tiny chocolate milkshake. i just went to hell in a handbasket today, i guess.
but the main feeling is just tiredness – wanting the school year to be over. wanting to feel like i CAN swim a mile before riding for 56 and running for 13. wondering how it’s all gonna happen – educating my children the way they need AND training for a sure to kick my butt race. and WHICH race? not open water as in the ocean…no, not now. but a nice body of water somewhere in texas? yeah, i can see it. alligator free? yes! i’ll take it! i guess that’s my mental vacation when i need it…knowing i can work toward a goal…there i said it, a GOAL…despite what is happening around me.
i won’t yuck-out today, because it is certainly a gift – hubs and i went to the mall and even went plant shopping. he even came to the makeup counter with me and bought my chanel foundation 🙂
i just feel these loose ends – my son – flying away behind me, and i have every intention to grab them and re-secure them.
i’m probably not making much sense right now…
i am also considering keeping baby girl home tomorrow so i can help her prepare for finals…my calls for help go unanswered…a momma’s gotta do what a momma’s gotta do…which, clearly means, i probably won’t get a workout in again.
which makes me believe even more strongly in the fact that i seriously NEED the Tour de France bike trainer, generation 2. i think there are 6 easy payments. 🙂 i can do that.
so, not amazing, sweat reports today. much to my dismay.
Oh, Lord, please increase my faith. He will, ya know…