what if…

Standard

…we just said what needed to be said?  without thinking who would be affected?  REALLY emptied out coconuts?  mine would sound like…

…i miss my brother.  he is drug addict in illinois.  i keep stalking him on facebook to be sure he is alive.  he is.  he’s clinging to the Good Lord.  but i can’t be in his life anymore.  not as of thanksgiving.  it was horrible.  he was in lafayette right before thanksgiving.  he was supposed to be here at thanksgiving, at my house.  we were all anxiously anticipating his arrival.  i was still drinking the koolaid that he had kicked the habit.  but he hadn’t.  it was during that week that i said, you know what?  i don’t want to be around him anymore.  i love him, but i’m done.  i can’t watch him slowly die.  i will love him from afar and i will pray for him.  but that’s all i can do.  God love him.  he needs it.

i am emotionally exhausted.  my brilliant daughter has had the toughest school year ever.  5th grade has kicked our asses to the curb.  but not for the trash to pick up.  we will survive.  i don’t know if i want her at a school where they are not interested in meeting her needs.  we’ll see.

my throat hurts.  my ears hurt.  i want jelly beans.  i want beer.  i can’t wait to go to destin for easter break.

this is not all of my coconut.  i am a mother, for goodness’ sake.  i have a kiddo behind me doing her project for wednesday, occasionally calling for help.  two others are watching american idol dvr’d.  5th grader is doing — hmmm.  idk exactly.  i told her to play the social studies game on the computer, but then she rattled off facts from her chapter.

mostly….this school year has rung my bell.

i am so happy my son is in baton rouge, well, now destin, for spring break.  he makes me happy.  he has this quiet, innate consideration of humanity across the board.  i love that kid.

Mass today.  we 5 were in one pew.  i laid hands on all of our children and prayed God’s blessing…

About southernrunningmom

Contact me like this: Via FaceBook - Mary Broussard, Certified Health Coach (feel free to private message me) or e-mail me - southernholistichealth@gmail.com. I am also on Twitter - MaryBob143. Instagram - Southern Running Mom...peace out. I keep my original profile details up because...well, that was my truth back then. Today, I'm much different. And busy. So, I'll update the About Me section very soon. Meanwhile, my tags would be: recovery, AA, 12 Steps, honesty, abuse, recognizing narcissism. Any who, thanks for reading this far. Mom with great husband & family...I totally love running, cooking, gardening...

2 responses »

  1. Wow, that’s hard. BUT. Prayer is a powerful thing. You’re doing right by him and by yourself. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do to protect ourselves and our children. People DO change it’s just not always for the better. Peace.

    We all 6 made it to Mass yesterday, too. And, as anticipated, I had to confiscate many palm fronds from many little hands. {SIGH} They’re now all folded into crosses to go under their mattresses. I loved (almost) every minute of it!

    • I can’t help but find it humorous that you have to confiscate palms on Palm Sunday!!! I personally got poked in the eye twice yesterday by my daugher pushing her limits with her palm at Mass…I gritted my teeth and glared :O

      I just couldn’t take the toxicity of that relationship anymore, even if it is blood-based. I have watched him cheat death umpteen times and I can’t watch it anymore. I keep him prayed up, but in the end, his chance of eternal life is his choice…

      Anywho, thanks for the great words!!!

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