what i think…what i know

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race is done.  marathon number 6.  yay.  happy.  accomplishment.  bottom line – i pr’d – 4:02.  no bq, no sub 4:00.  THIS time.  i ain’t gonna lie.  it was frigging HARD.  went to BR after Mass on Saturday.  expo was wrapping up, but we still managed to buy bondibands & tshirts.  got my race packet, etc.  – i was really sorry we were staying at the belle – really old, run down hotel.  early 80’s decor.  barf.  won’t make that mistake again.  we had a nice dinner, courtesy of hubs, at capitol grille, oddly enough, right by the state capitol 🙂  typical burger, fries & beer for me.  i was a little concerned about the race.  wasn’t sure which direction i was going to head in race morning to get there.  there was no map in the packet, i found out that evening in my hotel room.  i just figured i’d wing it.  i was happy to find out the next morning that the hotel was shuttling people the 1.1 distance to the race site.  long story short – i was on the last bus to the starting line, which happened to be right in front of the state capitol.  beautiful.  being that i was last, the corrals were FULL!  i momentarily panicked.  i still had to check my bag, which almost didn’t happen.  but it did.  as the anthem was playing, i was turning on my BFF Garmin and trying to get Runkeeper to comply.  i guess i just felt a little off kilter going in to the whole experience – yes, i did my best doing the training i had done.  it wasn’t enough.  there is a way to bq.  i didn’t do it.

race wise – i loved the pacer.  very even splits.  8:30’ish through mile 14 for me.  then, the wheels fell off.  i had never run that pace for that long ever.  i just slowly lost our group.  it wasn’t that i didn’t have the “want” but it was as if i just could not keep the pace.  my hopes went from hoping for a bq (3:45)  to sub 4:00 to simply finishing as strong as i could.  oh, and i totally started my period at mile 16-17.  there was a random port o potty in a neighborhood, but was definitely for the runners – assessed the situation, started running again.  guess what the street name was???  Scarlett.  yes, i can’t make this crap up.  anywho…i just felt this bad, lonely sinking feeling.  i was screwed.  for the moment.  my temporary tattoo splits were going to be all askew.  i wasn’t sure who to follow.  who to pick off.  the pacer had been great.  then i was by myself.

tuesday morning – the first time i’ve been by myself in forever, it seems.  wow.  ow.  hurt.  legs.  i’m going down the stairs normally again, albeit with frankenstein sounding steps.  oh, well.  i’m trying to find a reason to put on my shoes & hit the road just to flush out the lactic acid.  a storm is coming.  hopefully i’ll get to run in it.

what i know…

this, too, shall pass, this feeling that reaks of ingratitude.  i am sorry for that.  truly sorry for that.  i’m human.  there’s always a little let down after a big race.  i checked out the racing site for the next one.  didn’t see anything that struck my fancy.  i’m just gonna wing it for a bit.  okay, so back to what i know.

i KNOW God was right there with me.  He answered me, beautifully, i might add – i finished better than any of the other marathons.  i know my legs will heal.  i know my dented pride will, too.  i know i will find some questionable ways to up my fitness.  i know i will crave me some stadiums to run.  i know i will push myself in the louisiana heat this spring and summer, calling it conditioning.  i know i will push myself.  i know i will do other races and do them well.  i know i will continue to relish in being a good example for my children.

i guess i just can’t stand thinking i can do something and then NOT doing it.  i planned this race, i planned this training and the wheels fell off. i know if i could have stuck with the plan i could have done it.  i will have to plan differently next time.

i am happy.  i am fulfilled.  i look at pictures from sunday and i know i did my best with my capabilities…life happens.

it’s never too late for a new year’s “revolution” as my sweet baby daughter calls it – i shall do more speed work.  there.

peace, y’all.

About southernrunningmom

Contact me like this: Via FaceBook - Mary Broussard, Certified Health Coach (feel free to private message me) or e-mail me - southernholistichealth@gmail.com. I am also on Twitter - MaryBob143. Instagram - Southern Running Mom...peace out. I keep my original profile details up because...well, that was my truth back then. Today, I'm much different. And busy. So, I'll update the About Me section very soon. Meanwhile, my tags would be: recovery, AA, 12 Steps, honesty, abuse, recognizing narcissism. Any who, thanks for reading this far. Mom with great husband & family...I totally love running, cooking, gardening...

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