Monthly Archives: January 2012

My prayer today…

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…was quick, concise…unlike i often am…”Dear Blessed Mother, please help me to be like you.  Help me make my house like yours.  Help me be a good mother like you.  Help me be a good wife like you. Help me be a good person.”  that pretty much was it.  okay, that WAS it.  nothing added, nothing subtracted.  i just feel this heaviness that i want to go away.  it doesn’t feel like Mary’s arms that are loving; it just feels heavy.  like wet wool.  my heart IS heavy with kid stuff.  little kid stuff.  thankyou Jesus, Mary & Joseph, the big kid is doing GREAT!  prayer, y’all.  it’s the power of prayer.  especially a mother’s prayers.

anywho.  so, i listen to my body, even when my right shin starts burning & screaming a mile down the road.  all the bullet points are addressed – too much too soon after 26.2?  shoes?  riding bike, then running?  whatever.  whatever.

i’m tired.  like lay me down to sleep tired.  so i did.  i took a nap and didn’t feel one bit guilty about it.

then i got up, finished turkey meatballs, re-heated this morning’s coffee, made a cup of cocoa chai tea (told ya i was tired 🙂 and got to the computer to check out homework & assignments, etc.

there it was – a big fat ugly f on my baby’s grade page…yuck.  i can’t make her feel worse than she already does.  i wouldn’t even try.  that would be cruel.  i parent her this way – you did your best, right?  well, you just have to do better.  i help her trim the fat, so to speak, from her after-school time – which, honestly, there is not much of, anyway, because that girl WORKS.  my default is, ‘it’s that teacher; she has it in for her.’  i even thought that perhaps she (teacher) didn’t want to TEACH my baby.  oh, it’s a challenge.  it’s a huge challenge.  but i wouldn’t trade it.  she (baby) is brilliant.  she amazes me on a daily basis.  she makes me want to pull my hair out on about a weekly basis, but hey, you gotta take the good with the bad, right?

i just don’t know what else we can do.  her grades have ALL improved from the first quarter to the second quarter.

i would home school her.  i would figure it out.  why would i do that when there are perfectly capable, degreed teachers at her school who seemingly won’t go the extra mile?  help her.  help her.  help her.   seriously???  if i had a child in my class who was struggling, you can believe i would help that child get what he or she needed to get!  stay in at recess!  come to school early.  stay at school late, but don’t just do nothing.

this is sub-par.

Dear Lord, please help us.  we can’t.  You must.

In the name of the Father…

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we always say prayers on the way to the bus stop.  every morning.  without fail.  i love those minutes of reflection with my daughters and i absolutely adore the sound of  their sweet words going straight into God’s open ears.  mornings don’t always start in a beaver cleaver fashion…rarely do they start in such a way.  most mornings i’m rushing out with heavily cinnamoned coffee splashing around a harry potter cup, furrowed brow & lunch boxes connected to some part of my body.  we had a pretty dreadful morning last week that was worse than the others.  these bad mornings usually involve a certain 11 year old who can be…headstrong ;]  okay, i’m trying to work in a certain vain here, so i won’t let rip what words are bouncing around my head.

anywho, we all, by the grace of God, made it into the car.  i was silent.  (shell-shocked)  “just let me get them to the bus stop in one piece,” was my silent wish.  we continued on toward highway 90, as usual. from the back seat, i heard, “In the name of the Father…” and as i turned slightly to glance over my right shoulder, i saw my beautiful 12 year old, who had just made the Sign of the Cross, looking at me, waiting for us to say our prayers.  it was just one of those moments that will live with me forever…she was so fresh-faced (it was early;); her curls were beautiful and healthy, and her eyes were wide open, as if to say, “c’mon, mom, let’s go!”  of course, i took her thoughtful lead, and we all said our usual prayers, even my sweet pumpkin seed fire cracker sitting behind me chimed in and just like that…the day had re-started.  it was wonderful.

i was so grateful and so moved by my daughter’s prompt that i couldn’t keep it in any longer.  i had to get it out of my coconut and into my blog.

those words continually resonate in my head…In the name of the Father, i can do ANYTHING.  as long as He has ordered it, it’s happening, y’all.  In the name of the Father, i can ASK HIM for ANYTHING, including forgiveness, faith, wisdom, understanding, love…you name it, He will bless good.  time & time again, He blesses good.

when i was in that dreaded part of my marathon a couple of weeks ago – when the wheels fell off around mile 16, i thought of my daughters and the fact that every day, no matter what, they totally fulfill their God-given ability.  no half-stepping there, i promise you that.  so, at that point, i marinaded in THEIR STRENGTH, their beautiful, quiet, God-given strength…i put one foot in front of the other, the way i see them do on a daily basis.  and i knew God was there.  like always, pulling me along when i wondering what in the world was i thinking…

peace…

P.S. :)

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…so i totally hung in for whatever the disk was for today…let’s just say putting on deodorant is painful.  but i gotta say…i like it.  i give myself a strong c+ for today’s effort.  some exercises were just nuts.  i tried.  i couldn’t hang with everything but i did my best.  i have to wonder if people begin p90x and just go from beginning to end?  wow.  y’all who do?  amazing.  i am not there.  but i will give it a good shot and see what i can do.  i figure some percentage of doing it is better than no percentage of doing it.  i’m also thinking of calling it p45x since i seem to be half-stepping through it! 

meeting was good.  good stuff came out of it.  my sweet daughter.  she came into this world a strong little fighter defying the odds and she hasn’t stopped yet!  she words incredibly hard, academically, to achieve what success she has – totally deaf from birth and nothing gets that girl down!  i love it!

okay, i’m needing some caffeine…the afternoon is waiting!!!!

peace.

false start :)

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post-marathon evokes all kinds of feelings & such…i am now just over a week finished with the inaugural louisiana marathon.  i decided i wanted to start p90x….BRING IT!  heehee…ouch, dude, friggin’ ouch.  day 1 yesterday left me running around my house trying to figure out how to do pull ups (our door frames are all super-high 🙂 and those tube thingys that i have never been a fan of…

anywho, i found out that i could do P90X, the lean version?  sweet!  well, probably sweet.  i’m going to give it a try.  i did realize, however, that having a housekeeper, while a blessing on the days she’s here, makes me not want to to P90X while she is here – i feel too badly – you – clean – me?  workout.  no.  that’s not nice.  i’m just too codependent, i guess.

so, for today, i will see what it is like.  it can only help my level of fitness.  then, i will go to the meeting to which i was summoned at the girls’ school.  sheesh.  now what?  what could they possibly have to say?  how will i be blindsided today?  i was praying the Rosary last night when hubs came to bed & he realized i was stressing over said meeting.  he reminded me that we are lucky to be raising a girlie steve jobs – she is brilliant and i’m not just saying that 🙂  plus, God willing, he’s coming with me…oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah!  the dude has the gift of the word.  love him.  love having him on my side.

okay, so that’s it for now.

oh, this week past has held a few slow runs, bike, walking.  yes.  gotta start somewhere.  that’s the only crappy part about marathons…recovery.  yuck.  it’s like you spend all your fitness savings during those 4 hours & then for the next 2 weeks, you have to turn into something completely different so as not to hurt yourself.  geez.

peace.

p.s.

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thursday, post-race…okay, so last night i opened an e-mail addressed to all marathon finishers of the inaugural race on sunday – early bird registration special, $50.00…you see where i’m going with this, don’t you?????  i couldn’t even put off registering until this morning.  i registered for the full last night.  i know that’s a dangling participle. but today i rode my bike 20 miles, didn’t eat enough, and now i’m weak.  and in trouble.  not trouble gotta disappear to mexico trouble, but oh crap i rode my bike all morning & then had a baby-spa-salad with my sister for lunch for 2 hours and now my blood sugar is pissed and there are dishes in the sink and stuff to do for my family trouble.  yeah, that kind of trouble.  oh, and me thinking i’m so awesome that i can cook spaghetti sauce in the slow cooker while i wile away riding & salad eating…well, put the damn thing on a real setting other than low.  okay?  how bout that?  so, yeah, things are looking up.  i can’t wait to pass through enough days that i can run happy again.  my legs are still a little weak.  i’m 44 whaddya want?  i’m not a slacker, tho, and that’s a good thing.

gotta run.  peace.

what i think…what i know

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race is done.  marathon number 6.  yay.  happy.  accomplishment.  bottom line – i pr’d – 4:02.  no bq, no sub 4:00.  THIS time.  i ain’t gonna lie.  it was frigging HARD.  went to BR after Mass on Saturday.  expo was wrapping up, but we still managed to buy bondibands & tshirts.  got my race packet, etc.  – i was really sorry we were staying at the belle – really old, run down hotel.  early 80’s decor.  barf.  won’t make that mistake again.  we had a nice dinner, courtesy of hubs, at capitol grille, oddly enough, right by the state capitol 🙂  typical burger, fries & beer for me.  i was a little concerned about the race.  wasn’t sure which direction i was going to head in race morning to get there.  there was no map in the packet, i found out that evening in my hotel room.  i just figured i’d wing it.  i was happy to find out the next morning that the hotel was shuttling people the 1.1 distance to the race site.  long story short – i was on the last bus to the starting line, which happened to be right in front of the state capitol.  beautiful.  being that i was last, the corrals were FULL!  i momentarily panicked.  i still had to check my bag, which almost didn’t happen.  but it did.  as the anthem was playing, i was turning on my BFF Garmin and trying to get Runkeeper to comply.  i guess i just felt a little off kilter going in to the whole experience – yes, i did my best doing the training i had done.  it wasn’t enough.  there is a way to bq.  i didn’t do it.

race wise – i loved the pacer.  very even splits.  8:30’ish through mile 14 for me.  then, the wheels fell off.  i had never run that pace for that long ever.  i just slowly lost our group.  it wasn’t that i didn’t have the “want” but it was as if i just could not keep the pace.  my hopes went from hoping for a bq (3:45)  to sub 4:00 to simply finishing as strong as i could.  oh, and i totally started my period at mile 16-17.  there was a random port o potty in a neighborhood, but was definitely for the runners – assessed the situation, started running again.  guess what the street name was???  Scarlett.  yes, i can’t make this crap up.  anywho…i just felt this bad, lonely sinking feeling.  i was screwed.  for the moment.  my temporary tattoo splits were going to be all askew.  i wasn’t sure who to follow.  who to pick off.  the pacer had been great.  then i was by myself.

tuesday morning – the first time i’ve been by myself in forever, it seems.  wow.  ow.  hurt.  legs.  i’m going down the stairs normally again, albeit with frankenstein sounding steps.  oh, well.  i’m trying to find a reason to put on my shoes & hit the road just to flush out the lactic acid.  a storm is coming.  hopefully i’ll get to run in it.

what i know…

this, too, shall pass, this feeling that reaks of ingratitude.  i am sorry for that.  truly sorry for that.  i’m human.  there’s always a little let down after a big race.  i checked out the racing site for the next one.  didn’t see anything that struck my fancy.  i’m just gonna wing it for a bit.  okay, so back to what i know.

i KNOW God was right there with me.  He answered me, beautifully, i might add – i finished better than any of the other marathons.  i know my legs will heal.  i know my dented pride will, too.  i know i will find some questionable ways to up my fitness.  i know i will crave me some stadiums to run.  i know i will push myself in the louisiana heat this spring and summer, calling it conditioning.  i know i will push myself.  i know i will do other races and do them well.  i know i will continue to relish in being a good example for my children.

i guess i just can’t stand thinking i can do something and then NOT doing it.  i planned this race, i planned this training and the wheels fell off. i know if i could have stuck with the plan i could have done it.  i will have to plan differently next time.

i am happy.  i am fulfilled.  i look at pictures from sunday and i know i did my best with my capabilities…life happens.

it’s never too late for a new year’s “revolution” as my sweet baby daughter calls it – i shall do more speed work.  there.

peace, y’all.

taper begins

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well, i got my 8 1/2 this morning.  you already know the history.  great, on-track training & then…not so much.  on the training front, that is.  which is cool.  cuz i kept my foot on the fitness gas pedal.  so that’s a good thing.  i guess i’m in one of those moods.  because now i’m going to tell you what i ate for dinner last night.  3 of the best cheese enchiladas in the world.  la fonda’s restaurant.  a piece of chocolate cake in honor of my step-son’s 18th b-day.  3 mich ultras with pepper juice (it’s a texas thing & oh so good:), and a sampling of youngest daughter’s beef & cheese nachos.  she’s not a fan of blistered cheese, which, i happen to like.  come to think of it, i don’t think i’ve ever met a nacho i DIDN’T like!  anywho.   so, yes, i’m not usually a huge eater like that, but, in anticipation of what i knew would be a stellar meal, i had a banana & tangerine for breakie, a smoothie for lunch & then waited for the good stuff at La Fonda’s.  my step daughter even commented, “I’ve never seen you eat that much, Miss Mary!”  it is rare for me and it was GOOD! so, back to the run.  i ran at 8:50 pace for my miles this morning.  not terrible.  i didn’t know if i would even have time to do that run this morning with all that’s going on at home.  so, just the fact that i got out there felt like a success.  and that would be it.  for the longish run, that is.  now, i will have just a few short runs and two rest days prior to the Louisiana Marathon a week from Sunday.  my b-day is next friday and i was planning to do a 44 mile bike ride in honor of turning 44, but now i’m thinking i shouldn’t.  notice i didn’t say i’m not.  i shall continue to mull it over.  i don’t want to do anything dumb like stress out my legs, or FALL off my bike the week leading up to 26.2.  i’ll probably wait till after the marathon.  ;-\

the marathon, after all, is a birthday gift to myself.  i will be there the night before with my son & my daughters.  God willing, my son will haul my sweet little girls downstairs so that they can watch me finish.  they, after all, are my biggest fans, and i ADORE the looks on their bright little faces as they jump up and down screaming, “Go, mom, go!!!!!”  that, i believe, is my proudest moment of any race where they are watching…in an instant, i see reflected in their faces, the love they have for me and the pride they feel for me.  i know i am a good example of health, fitness, and healthy choices and i am so grateful that they are picking up on that & making those things part of their lives.  (okay, the nutrition part totally needs tweeking – there is wwwayyyyyy too much bread consumed by one of those little girls and not enough veggies & fruits by either:)  but that’s okay.  i was that way, too, when i was their age.

so, welcome taper.  i don’t love you, but i will tolerate you because it will get me to the starting line in a healthy, rested way.  today and tomorrow are kind of like “last chance workouts” – any biggest loser fans out there???  that’s our favorite show.  talk about motivation.  dude.  these people rock.  they are facing health crises head on and giving them a beat-down to non-existance.  i LOVE those people!  so, yeah, i will do a ridiculous amount of squats & sit-ups because for today & tomorrow, that will be money in the bank.  after that, not so much.  hence, the taper, i suppose.

geez, and i  thought i wouldn’t have much to say on the issue 🙂

peace, y’all.  do something good for your body today, won’t you?