sometimes i wanna just BE. not making decisions. not driving in my car. just quickly summing up my existence and wondering if God took me right now, would i be okay with that? my son broke terrible news to me this evening about an acquaintance of his good friend who died in an alcohol-related crash saturday night. 19 years old. not even old enough to drink. barely old enough to drive. seriously? just cut to the end of your life, my young man, just like THAT. no, you don’t get to graduate from college. you don’t get to fall in love. you don’t get to hear your baby’s first cry. it’s OVER. DONE. the hole that is certainly left in his family’s hearts will scab over, but NEVER heal. never. time passing, yadda, yadda, all that…nope. doesn’t heal. you just manage to put enough stuff between you and the most horrible thing you could ever witness and hope it’s enough.
so. whaddya do? what do you SAY? nothing is right. nothing. it sucks. big time sucks. a wasted life. yes, i KNOW GOD has a BETTER plan. but it sucks for us sinners. we are the ones piling stuff onto the never-healing wound. it still sucks. bad.
what do i say to my son? who hardly knew this kid, but knew him enough to ask to go to his wake tomorrow. not just for the poor soul who died, but for support of his friend.
so. live your life. like there is NO tomorrow. there might not be. BE right. WITH God. Tonight. This moment. You might not have the chance. Tell God in your heart you are sorry for all the times you were an idiot – you lied, you whatever. just get it out there with Him. Get it straight with Him. And if you are lucky enough to wake up tomorrow, give it up for HIM. “Thanks, God,” in your not-yet-opened-eyes-don’t-talk-to-me-yet thinking.
And then…go LIVE. the life you have. within the means you have. with the people you love. don’t judge. that’s a toughy. but don’t. stop. look at your life. what is wrong with it? spend too much? then stop. eat too much? then stop. just think about the choices you make. make choices that bring you closer to God. and if you don’t know how? look for someone in your life who just seems happy. observe. quietly. or loudly. ask. Why are you so friggin’ happy all the time? do something. but please don’t do NOTHING. it’s too important, this life we have.