Monthly Archives: April 2011

Dear Jesus,

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no running.  video.  no running.  video.  gotta help get this video-thingy going.  and i am helping my never-known-to-me-to-be-such-a-promoter-hubs…wow, dude.  you should see him in action.  hollywood has nothing on him.

anywho.  Mass this morning.  i was not allowing that one to be pushed off the table.  thank God i didn’t.  as it turned out, it was the last senior all-school Mass.  immediately, i saw things in a whole new light.  keep in mind, i absolutely LOVE STM Mass.  LOVE it.  i look forward to it.  anywho, i looked at the seniors, sitting up front like always.  but i really LOOKED at them.  i saw their sweet goodness that God created in each of them and i was BLOWN AWAY.  they are beautiful, the whole bunch of them.  they put their arms around each other, they sing, happily.  they are exquisite little beings, pretty much finished with this chapter, but no where near ready to get off the potter’s wheel.  Father had a beautiful message about mission statements.  i will write about that.  i must.  it was wonderful. 

i was doing fine in Mass, really.  till it was time to extend the peace of our Lord with one another.  then, the tears fell.  i sat in the parents’ section, but amidst many students.  as each one turned to shake my hand, their eyes were welled up with tears.  like mine.  i was so happy to be united there with them.  i was so happy to not be alone.  but then i was sad because i knew what they were feeling.  it was just awesome.  all the goodness of what lies ahead, all the sadness of leaving all THIS behind.  i held it together enough to not make an idiot of myself.  i could have just let it rip into a full blown crying jag.  but i didn’t.  the peace we extended to one another was a true desire to reflect the love of our Lord Jesus.  we all knew it, too. 

so, then i thought, “get it together, listen to the song.”  are you KIDDING?  The Fragrance Prayer.  forget about it.  i learned that song at STM.  i was so moved by it, i put it on my Ipod.  i was so touched by it, i looked it up and realized it was actually a prayer that Mother Theresa helped craft.  the reason it moved me so much was “Dear Jesus…” that’s how i begin my prayer.  all of them, and people, there are LOTS.  that’s kind of my salutation to Him, like, “hey, it’s me, do you have a moment?”  He ALWAYS does.  i LOVE that. 

so, now i type, waiting to hear from said senior…get ready for this.  he checked out early to get to baton rouge to go through the orientation and testing.  he and his friend.  he went to his car to come home.  his beloved car – broken into, his 16th birthday gifts stolen – his navigation/sound system screen – gone.  his IPod that he treasures – gone.  he is sick about it.  not only that, but the thieves drilled into his lock.  so, now he can’t open his car.  he’s in a bad part of town.  an hour away.  irritated that thieves are in his midst.  locked out of his car.  waiting for AAA.  i told him to get in his car, drive to TJ Ribs and eat dinner on me – bless my baby’s heart.  he is such a good person and would give his last dollar and his shirt to a stranger.  he didn’t deserve this.  i love that boy so much. 

life calls.  kids fight.  i never blog this late.  had to get some of that off my chest.

peace.  Lent is coming to a close.  Holy Week begins Sunday.  If you haven’t participated in this beautiful week, do yourself a favor, and go to where a church celebrates Palm Sunday.  LOVE it.  you won’t be sorry.  do something good for Him, won’t you?  He did something amazing for you…peace out.

for real

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real:

long weekend.  good weekend.  toyed with idea of a workout & threw that off the table.  i rollerbladed yesterday & really have my sight set on a long run this week coming up. 

sleepover pick-up, Mass, Peter Pan ballet, Hop late feature, mexican restaurant for dinner, boiled crawfish for dinner a different night, a really drunk to the point of wondering who you are  in our house and i had to make his reaking a$$ a sandwich just to absorb the alcohol and he wouldn’t puke on his dad on the way home, a couple of smoothies, a nap in the sun, hot tub, seriously about 10 loads of laundry…these are things that filled my weekend.

this evening – i’m typing stuff on the computer, trying to get & keep tickets & seat assignments organized for friday nights shindig – all the while 11 year old is continually asking me to take her to the park down the street so she can show me the new see-saw.  finally, yes, we can go for 20 minutes.  after i internally freakout about senior son’s powerpoint presentation that isn’t done.  is it started?  well, i have some ideas, he says.  you’re a senior, you better not blow this.  mom, i’m going to my friend’s at 9 tonight when he gets back from his brother’s to finish it.  oh, Lord.

park.  cooool seesaw.  pebbles in sandles.  bees flying crazy on perimeter.  i spot a place to sit to park my bootie & watch my girlies have fun.  i was trying to get to my camera app.  trying.  ‘mom, you gotta watch this!’ i’m watching.  ooooooh!  smack, 4th grader just smacks her face on the quickly rising part of the seesaw.  oh, baby!  i scramble/wade through dagger pebbles, trying to get my hands on her, still in her church clothes.  she jumps off her end and runs so fast to the end of the park in all her freaked-out-ness, i told her sister, ‘i wish i had THAT run on film.  wow, that must be a record 100 meter run!’ gathered 4th grader with bitten lip, get her home, assuring her on the 1/2 mile ride there she is NOT losing a tooth.  5th grader is teary, ‘i went too hard on her, mom!  i’m soooo sorry!’

we get home.  ice.  water.  further inspection.  ‘sall good.  to fifth grader, i say, ‘why don’t you go take your shower & wash your hair right now and then you’ll be all done with that.’  ‘no, mom,’ she retorts, ‘i’m tired & too upset over what i did to my sister.’  ‘okay, a.m., she’s fine.  really, no big deal.  and, not to hurt your feelings, but you stink.  k?’ i PROMISE i did not make this up:  ‘mom, that’s cuz i just farted.  like 10 seconds ago.’  LOL.  oh, man, never a dull moment.  ‘a.m., you stunk way earlier, okay?  just do as you’re told.’

Thank You, God, for bringing my baby home safe from Lady Gaga.  I was so worried he would be sitting by some freak using drugs.  As it turned out, there was “an old lady” on one side, and “a fat lady” on the other.  Neither of whom, from what I understand, did anything more than rock out to Lady Gaga in their seats!  Wow.  Did we get lucky or what????

fast. forward.

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friday.  i haven’t even written about last sunday.  it was awesome.  truly was.  4th grader had monday off.  tuesday morning, 5th grader had raging allergy attack and began the morning back in bed.  had miraculous “white bus” recovery upon finding out that track team would be making the 7 mile trek to opelousas in the “white bus”…”i’m sure i’ll be feeling better by this afternoon when the team gets on the bus.”  of course.  so, i delivered her to school at 12:00.  time enough to socialize, meet with all her teachers, get assignments, and get on the bus, gus.  yes, she did.  she ran great, too.  1 mile in 7:30.  not bad for a 5th grader.  800 in 3:35.  sweet baby. 

anywho, i’ve been “helping” with music stuff all week due to my step-son’s soon to be debut song & video production happening next friday.  i am not musical.  in any way.  shape. or form.  God knows i try. 

little fockers is waiting…are waiting?  whatever.  i don’t know.  lady gaga.  lady gag.  lala gaga.  my son’s going tomorrow night.  my best advice?  for the love of God, son, don’t put anything in your mouth.  anything.  i want to see you on sunday in the same way i see you now.  healthy.  bright-eyed.  not on an acid trip never to return.  okay.  onto the fockers.

today…again…

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woke up extremely heavy-hearted thinking about that boy.  thinking of the harsh reality the high schoolers will face in being supportive and going through the motion of funeral home, etc.  …I think that’s actually a good thing and will be therapeutic.  I was really sad gathering clothes for my son to wear to the wake, thinking about that child’s family and what they must feel like.

i did what i had to do.  i ran.  hard at first and then easy.  my quads were heavy and i remembered why – on Monday morning, i blistered through a focus & fly workout of 12 (i’m pretty sure i did 14) 1:00 repeats of all out running.  i was at 8 and 9 mph on the treadmill.  my quads were cookin’!  I knew it was a successful workout because i had a slight inclination to hurl.  slight.  nausea is my barometer.  yes.  ugly truth.  i don’t visit that part of the barometer too much, but every so often, getting an intense workout gets me there.  it passes quickly, thank goodness.

anywho, i met my son for lunch.  he informed me he wasn’t going back to school today.  i love when God grants me perfect grace at the perfect moment – i looked at my sweet son’s face, razor stubble framing his fair complexion, and those big blue eyes and responded, “Well, I don’t blame you.”  I immediately sensed what he must be feeling…heavy-heartedness…

gotta run to the girls’ school – track pictures – more later.

peace, y’all…

tonight

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sometimes i wanna just BE.  not making decisions.  not driving in my car.  just quickly summing up my existence and wondering if God took me right now, would i be okay with that?  my son broke terrible news to me this evening about an acquaintance of his good friend who died in an alcohol-related crash saturday night.  19 years old.  not even old enough to drink.  barely old enough to drive.  seriously?  just cut to the end of your life, my young man, just like THAT.  no, you don’t get to graduate from college.  you don’t get to fall in love.  you don’t get to hear your baby’s first cry.  it’s OVER.  DONE.  the hole that is certainly left in his family’s hearts will scab over, but NEVER heal.  never.  time passing, yadda, yadda, all that…nope.  doesn’t heal.  you just manage to put enough stuff between you and the most horrible thing you could ever witness and hope it’s enough. 

so. whaddya do?  what do you SAY?  nothing is right.  nothing.  it sucks.  big time sucks.  a wasted life.  yes, i KNOW GOD has a BETTER plan.  but it sucks for us sinners.  we are the ones piling stuff onto the never-healing wound.  it still sucks.  bad. 

what do i say to my son?  who hardly knew this kid, but knew him enough to ask to go to his wake tomorrow.  not just for the poor soul who died, but for support of his friend. 

so.  live your life.  like there is NO tomorrow.  there might not be.  BE right.  WITH God.  Tonight.  This moment.  You might not have the chance.  Tell God in your heart you are sorry for all the times you were an idiot – you lied, you whatever.  just get it out there with Him.  Get it straight with Him.  And if you are lucky enough to wake up tomorrow, give it up for HIM.  “Thanks, God,” in your not-yet-opened-eyes-don’t-talk-to-me-yet thinking. 

And then…go LIVE.  the life you have.  within the means you have.  with the people you love.  don’t judge.  that’s a toughy.  but don’t.  stop.  look at your life.  what is wrong with it?  spend too much?  then stop.  eat too much?  then stop.  just think about the choices you make.  make choices that bring you closer to God.  and if you don’t know how?  look for someone in your life who just seems happy.  observe.  quietly.  or loudly.  ask.  Why are you so friggin’ happy all the time?  do something.  but please don’t do NOTHING.  it’s too important, this life we have.

today

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so, i went to bed with a nice, long run on my mind – glorious weather, perfect running conditions…5th grader this a.m. had major allergy attack to the point where she couldn’t go to school!  so, instead of running in zero-humidity, i cleaned the fountain, filled bird feeders, watered plants, laundry, dishes, you get the idea.  all the things i would have wedged in sometime later this morning, after my long run!  such is life.  my sweet daughter will be going into school around noon…there is a track meet this afternoon, white bus ride included (team will be going together), so that certainly perked her up!

anywho, i gotta try to get my workout in somehow.  i’ll run long tomorrow.  not only that, but, more importantly, i need to love up on my sweet girl, who is ordering Little Fockers as i type…plank, anyone?