all i can do is watch…

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when i think about my son graduating, i just feel kicked in the stomach.  he’s awesome.  warning:  i’ll probably write totally from a mother’s heart, so if you can’t take it, x-out now!  i just look at this child who helped make me the person i am today and i can’t believe he’s ready to spread his wings!  but he is.  i know he’s ready.  he’s beautiful and sweet.  he doesn’t ask for much of anything.  he is always plugged into what the smallest part of society is lacking.  he will give his last dollar to a homeless person.  he is amazing.  he doesn’t like a bit of fanfare.  no party, mom.  i just want to graduate and go on my trip.  senior trip, that is.  as soon as i feel the way i do no, like i am losing him, (i know i’m not), i remind myself of what life must be looking like from his perspective – bright, open to all possibilities…that makes me feel better.  i don’t ask much of him; i don’t have to.  the one thing i have asked of him, however, is to please continue to go to Mass every Sunday.  i told him that even if he doesn’t feel like it, seems to be too busy, whatever the case may be, please promise me you won’t stop going to Mass.  don’t let this minute crack of missing a Sunday here & there be on your own front porch.  just go.  just do it.  you will feel so much better afterwards.  he will be living an hour away from here.  i realized he can come home for Sunday dinner if he wants to.  he’s so independent.  i guess for me, i just can’t believe this chapter of his life is coming to an end.  i know the next chapter will be awesome, i just wish i had as big a part : )  Knowing he’s a short-timer in my home, i just keep drinking him in with my eyes, giving him extra hugs, and trying to hang on.  He is the first person in my life who i would lay down my life for.  i never felt that way before i became a mother.  i think motherhood brings us so much closer to Mary & Jesus & Joseph – knowing how much i love my son, seeing him go on to live his own life and make his own way, i cannot fathom how much God loves us that he would give Jesus to us, undeserving sinners.  so, when my heart feels so heavy i don’t think i can stand it, i think about God’s gift to us and ask Him for His help during this transition. 

Lord knows I can’t stop time.  It’s happening.  Senior crawfish boil.  Party bus.  Graduation supplies.  Prom.  Trips.  Vehicle.  Insurance.  Apartment.  Tuition.  Books.  Housewares.  Bed.  TV.  Living room furniture.  All the things that go with growing up.  All I can do is watch.  And make things as pleasant and good for him as I am able.  I’ve watched this sweet boy go back and forth from my home to his dad’s and grandmother’s.  Part of me is excited that he can now have his one address.  He doesn’t have to lug a Target bag of clothes around because he won’t be back at my house tonight.  That part makes me happy.  I love knowing he can have his own stability and continuity.  I love him so much that that part is a huge comfort. 

I truly could not ask for a better son.  Thank You, God, for entrusting me with this beautiful soul.

About southernrunningmom

Contact me like this: Via FaceBook - Mary Broussard, Certified Health Coach (feel free to private message me) or e-mail me - southernholistichealth@gmail.com. I am also on Twitter - MaryBob143. Instagram - Southern Running Mom...peace out. I keep my original profile details up because...well, that was my truth back then. Today, I'm much different. And busy. So, I'll update the About Me section very soon. Meanwhile, my tags would be: recovery, AA, 12 Steps, honesty, abuse, recognizing narcissism. Any who, thanks for reading this far. Mom with great husband & family...I totally love running, cooking, gardening...

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