i checked the calendar. nope. not even close to being girlie time. whatever the date is, it is seemingly my moment to crave salt & sugar, quantity, please, not quality…unless you consider the giant Peep hearts i jacked from my daughter’s Valentine’s bag as quality…me? mmm, not so much. but did the trick. that’s what i was after. chased them down with a few handfuls of garlic infused, salted, organically grown sunflower seeds. MMMMmmmm…who’s hungry? c’mon now! oh, and to make sure all goes well, i finished it off with a big tumbler of coooold water to swish all that crap around my stomach. oh, my bad. and i highlighted the Peeps with chilled Dove milk (couldn’t find dark) chocolate hearts…”Be Your Own Valentine” Okay! Chomp! “Sleep Under the Stars Tonight” I wish! Chomp.
I think it’s stress eating. Totally not obedient. i know. i know. yesterday i was unable to get any kind of workout in. girls off school due to conferences. so, i took the chance to dream about today’s run – 10 glorious miles…just me, my Mizuno’s, my really cute Fila running clothes hubs hooked me up with for my birthday last month…oh, and a fully charged iphone so i could zone out and pound out 10 glorious miles. sounds great, right?
bed. nightmare. for real. this very large, sweaty, at-first-kind-but-then-scary-was-gonna-kick-my-ass-in, short, 50’ish year old black lady, just came into a dressing room where i was in order to terrorize me. oh, and there was a toilet in the dressing room. yeah. dreams. nightmares. go figure. i just call ’em like i see ’em. anywho, so yeah, there she was. i realized it was going to be me or her getting the ass kicked in and i made the decision it was going to be her. at which time, hubs, trying to rescue me even in my dreams, or nightmares as it were, held onto my arms and i went friggin’ bananas. in bed. he was trying to either wake me/restrain me, or both, but that’s how i woke up. either way, i was happy to get that lady’s face outta my head! frea-ky.
back to sleep eventually. lovely iphone harp gets me up at 5:45. make lunches. go into wake up girlies. “mmmmmooooommm, mmmyyy vvvvoiiiice is goooooone” in a very pained whisper. snap. 10 miles. out the window. bam. just keeping it real. that’s what i thought. i mouthed to my deaf, achy, voiceless sweet pea, “go back to sleep!” next! 4th grader got up. that went well.
2 hours in a walk-in clinic, $30.00 co-pay later, i was informed that we would not be leaving with a prescription for anything. “she’s got what everyone else has got.” oh, really? and for this gem, you went to what medical school? and she had ZERO bedside manner. and i’m pretty sure she had dentures. upper. like betty white in “you again”. whatever. if my mom were alive, she could have given me the same diagnosis for FREE without the stiffness! i still thanked the staff after signing the charge slip. i don’t get why i do that. like survivor’s guilt or something. putting my purse on my shoulder, “thanks. have a good one.” inner conversation: “oh, shut up and get your ass out of here. they just made you wait, probably contract a real illness that’ll bring you back over the weekend. quit being so nice. sign the shit & hit the door.” 😉
“mom, i’m soooo hungry!!!! look! my voice is back!”
yes, eating is going to happen. first we have to get your brother’s glasses fixed. he bent them while working out. i didn’t even ask. then we have to get him out of class & get him his glasses…so he can see for almost half the school day. then we would eat. that part was fun. just me & my sweet daughter. then pharmacy for something they naturally didn’t have in stock but could order and have by noon monday. something for hubs. “thanks. have a good one.” Inner: “Are you kidding? you think they are really gonna have their shit together by monday at noon? did you see her? you trust that???”
drive 25 miles one way to school to give deposit for next year. walk through the olllld oaks. enjoy. breathe. k, gotta go. 25 miles back toward home. stop at grocery store for only-cuz-you-are-sick ramen noodles. speed home. 2:00. rest, daughter. are you resting? good. teapot. tea. organic earl gray. heavy on the leaves. oh, yeah. i did. words with friends. words with sister, more accurately.
rested? good, gotta go. pick up sister at bus stop.
now. full. feverish daughter. no run. on tap for tomorrow? before today? a king cake 5k and soccer game. now? looks like a soccer game that sick kid won’t be in, but well kid will be. run? mmmm-noo. good news? i didn’t pre-register.
guess i feel dragged around when i don’t get my miles. natural, i suppose. gotta smile. life is good. too good. too good to dwell. the moment i feel myself like this, cruddy, i know it won’t last. i have clean water to drink, gas in my car, food in the pantry, a roof, a beautiful family that loves me and i love back, health, blessings too abundant to account for…most of all, i have the Good Lord above with an eye on me. He knows my heart. He knows i think dumb things that i would never say out loud. He loves me anyway. He sees how hard i work. He knows my heart better than anyone. He taught me that when i make time for prayer and praise and all the things He expects of me, with a happy heart, He’s got my back. always has & always will. no doubt.
some days are just like that. unplanned. changed. sad. just give it all to Him.