always trying to gain momentum in my physical life and more importantly, spiritual life, i have been craving the Rosary on CD. a good version. not so much music…just get to the prayers and meditation on Our Lady…so, i remembered a cd I had in our “stock”. Found it, popped it in. even figured out the right mystery for that day. however, there were prayers that preceded the Rosary. the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. where has that prayer been all my life??? seriously??? it’s beautiful and repetitive and the history behind it is astounding. Sister Faustina, i think, is the one who received this meditative prayer from Our Lord. so, i’m bouncing around here, but…oh, well.
today, i got to Adoration and there are all the sweet, bright faced children waiting to participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation – beautiful site. i immediately found an obscure place, on the floor, of course, against the wall. i would never ever want to distract a kiddo from prayer. so, i begin the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, which is said on regular Rosary beads. it’s very soothing to me. i’ve said that prayer many many times, but never had this experience: while praying and meditating, i knew the words i was praying in my heart were the exact words given from Our Lord. it was an overwhelming sensation to know that i was praying the same words sent from Heaven and trickled throughout time and had found a permanent home in my heart. i don’t think i have ever felt so united with Heaven than i felt at that moment. it was awesome. it was one of the best experiences of my life.
so, the cd…that prayer is on it. i have had that cd for YEARS. now i’m wondering, why didn’t i listen to it? this plethora of goodness just sitting there among bob marley, frank sinatra, you name it. i know the point is i have it now and i truly appreciate it. however, i am continually surprised by situations such as these because the Chaplet is on there. did i simply forward through the tracks without listening? not sure. my current answer is that i was not in this place on my road to Salvation. i was wwwaaaayyy back. not where i need to be now, but surely so much further ahead than i used to be. Thank God. Thank You, God. Truly. i am so grateful to know what i know now. and to use it. for Heaven’s sake! use what the Good Lord gave ya!
i see in myself such a different creature than the person i once was. i know we are all sinners on the same road. i love that about life. we are all headed toward the same end. one day we’ll stop breathing in this world. i wanna see Jesus. i wanna see angels. i wanna see my mom. my dad. my grandparents. my ancestors. Paul! Peter! the face of God, Who created me…little, sinful, undeserving me…but me who He took the time to create. me who He listened to when i didn’t know where else to turn. He heard. He was always there, i know that now. but i wasn’t. i wouldn’t even face Him. i was too busy trying to figure it all out on my own. the most freeing event in my life was the transformation that took place within me after i decided to “try” it God’s way. gave me an out, you know? hey, i’ll ask Him for help, tell Him i’m a little unsure about all this…what about all the fun i’ll miss? can i go back to it if this God relationship doesn’t pan out? i can always go back, right? these were my thoughts, i kid you not! i started asking. even tho my heart wasn’t in it. to make a long story longer, i didn’t feel remarkably different. okay, God, is this IT? is this the big change i’ve heard about from people who promise You are THE WAY? hmmmm. having more endurance than i gave myself credit for, i kept on. i’d ask for help on the little things. i’d ask for help on the big things. one day, i said to God, that’s it. just take me. for You. tell me what to do. take my worries; i can’t do it. just be my mouth and my arms. be my eyes. be my feet. be in me. and He was! it was as if He was waiting for me and had been right there all along. i know He was. when i surrendered every little piece of my life to Him, no stone unturned, it was as if He had taken me into His very arms. i saw things differently. i filtered things differently. i yearned for different things.
now. i love peace. i love quiet. my relationship with God, Jesus, and Mary is off the hook, y’all. there is nothing i can’t do without Them!
yes, the devil is real. i know that. having the relationship i have with God takes that burden off my shoulders. God already won that one.
we can always go back to Him no matter what.
so, my momentum continues. i continue to crave the things that help bring me closer to Jesus. i continue to ask for help in being obedient to Our Lord. i just want to make Him happy.