Monthly Archives: February 2011

venti-ng

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i checked the calendar.  nope.  not even close to being girlie time.  whatever the date is, it is seemingly my moment to crave salt & sugar, quantity, please, not quality…unless you consider the giant Peep hearts i jacked from my daughter’s Valentine’s bag as quality…me?  mmm, not so much.  but did the trick.  that’s what i was after.  chased them down with a few handfuls of garlic infused, salted, organically grown sunflower seeds.  MMMMmmmm…who’s hungry?  c’mon now!  oh, and to make sure all goes well, i finished it off with a big tumbler of coooold water to swish all that crap around my stomach.  oh, my bad.  and i highlighted the Peeps with chilled Dove milk (couldn’t find dark) chocolate hearts…”Be Your Own Valentine”  Okay!  Chomp!  “Sleep Under the Stars Tonight”  I wish! Chomp. 

I think it’s stress eating.  Totally not obedient.  i know.  i know.  yesterday i was unable to get any kind of workout in.  girls off school due to conferences.  so, i took the chance to dream about today’s run – 10 glorious miles…just me, my Mizuno’s, my really cute Fila running clothes hubs hooked me up with for my birthday last month…oh, and a fully charged iphone so i could zone out and pound out 10 glorious miles.  sounds great, right? 

bed.  nightmare.  for real.  this very large, sweaty, at-first-kind-but-then-scary-was-gonna-kick-my-ass-in, short, 50’ish year old black lady, just came into a dressing room where i was in order to terrorize me.  oh, and there was a toilet in the dressing room.  yeah.  dreams.  nightmares.  go figure.  i just call ’em like i see ’em.  anywho, so yeah, there she was.  i realized it was going to be me or her getting the ass kicked in and i made the decision it was going to be her.  at which time, hubs, trying to rescue me even in my dreams, or nightmares as it were, held onto my arms and i went friggin’ bananas.  in bed.  he was trying to either wake me/restrain me, or both, but that’s how i woke up.  either way, i was happy to get that lady’s face outta my head!  frea-ky.

back to sleep eventually.  lovely iphone harp gets me up at 5:45.  make lunches.  go into wake up girlies.  “mmmmmooooommm, mmmyyy vvvvoiiiice is goooooone”  in a very pained whisper.  snap.  10 miles.  out the window.  bam.  just keeping it real.  that’s what i thought.  i mouthed to my deaf, achy, voiceless sweet pea, “go back to sleep!”  next!  4th grader got up. that went well.

2 hours in a walk-in clinic, $30.00 co-pay later, i was informed that we would not be leaving with a prescription for anything.  “she’s got what everyone else has got.”  oh, really?  and for this gem, you went to what medical school?  and she had ZERO bedside manner.  and i’m pretty sure she had dentures.  upper.  like betty white in “you again”.  whatever.  if my mom were alive, she could have given me the same diagnosis for FREE without the stiffness! i still thanked the staff after signing the charge slip.  i don’t get why i do that.  like survivor’s guilt or something.  putting my purse on my shoulder, “thanks.  have a good one.”  inner conversation:  “oh, shut up and get your ass out of here.  they just made you wait, probably contract a real illness that’ll bring you back over the weekend.  quit being so nice.  sign the shit & hit the door.”  😉

“mom, i’m soooo hungry!!!! look!  my voice is back!” 

yes, eating is going to happen.  first we have to get your brother’s glasses fixed.  he bent them while working out.  i didn’t even ask.  then we have to get him out of class & get him his glasses…so he can see for almost half the school day.  then we would eat.  that part was fun.  just me & my sweet daughter.  then pharmacy for something they naturally didn’t have in stock but could order and have by noon monday.  something for hubs.  “thanks.  have a good one.”  Inner:  “Are you kidding?  you think they are really gonna have their shit together by monday at noon?  did you see her?  you trust that???”

drive 25 miles one way to school to give deposit for next year.  walk through the olllld oaks.  enjoy.  breathe.  k, gotta go.  25 miles back toward home.  stop at grocery store for only-cuz-you-are-sick ramen noodles.  speed home.  2:00.  rest, daughter.  are you resting?  good.  teapot.  tea.  organic earl gray.  heavy on the leaves.  oh, yeah.  i did.  words with friends.  words with sister, more accurately.

rested?  good, gotta go.  pick up sister at bus stop.

home. 

now.  full.  feverish daughter.  no run.  on tap for tomorrow?  before today?  a king cake 5k and soccer game.  now?  looks like a soccer game that sick kid won’t be in, but well kid will be.  run? mmmm-noo.  good news?  i didn’t pre-register. 

guess i feel dragged around when i don’t get my miles.  natural, i suppose.  gotta smile.  life is good.  too good.  too good to dwell.  the moment i feel myself like this, cruddy, i know it won’t last.  i have clean water to drink, gas in my car, food in the pantry, a roof, a beautiful family that loves me and i love back, health, blessings too abundant to account for…most of all, i have the Good Lord above with an eye on me.  He knows my heart.  He knows i think dumb things that i would never say out loud.  He loves me anyway.  He sees how hard i work.  He knows my heart better than anyone.  He taught me that when i make time for prayer and praise and all the things He expects of me, with a happy heart, He’s got my back.  always has & always will.  no doubt.

some days are just like that.  unplanned.  changed.  sad.  just give it all to Him.

different

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always trying to gain momentum in my physical life and more importantly, spiritual life, i have been craving the Rosary on CD.  a good version.  not so much music…just get to the prayers and meditation on Our Lady…so, i remembered a cd I had in our “stock”.  Found it, popped it in.  even figured out the right mystery for that day.  however, there were prayers that preceded the Rosary.  the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.  where has that prayer been all my life???  seriously???  it’s beautiful and repetitive and the history behind it is astounding.  Sister Faustina, i think, is the one who received this meditative prayer from Our Lord.  so, i’m bouncing around here, but…oh, well. 

today, i got to Adoration and there are all the sweet, bright faced children waiting to participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation – beautiful site.  i immediately found an obscure place, on the floor, of course, against the wall.  i would never ever want to distract a kiddo from prayer.  so, i begin the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, which is said on regular Rosary beads.  it’s very soothing to me.  i’ve said that prayer many many times, but never had this experience:  while praying and meditating, i knew the words i was praying in my heart were the exact words given from Our Lord.  it was an overwhelming sensation to know that i was praying the same words sent from Heaven and trickled throughout time and had found a permanent home in my heart.  i don’t think i have ever felt so united with Heaven than i felt at that moment.  it was awesome.  it was one of the best experiences of my life. 

so, the cd…that prayer is on it.  i have had that cd for YEARS.  now i’m wondering, why didn’t i listen to it?  this plethora of goodness just sitting there among bob marley, frank sinatra, you name it.  i know the point is i have it now and i truly appreciate it.  however, i am continually surprised by situations such as these because the Chaplet is on there.  did i simply forward through the tracks without listening?  not sure.  my current answer is that i was not in this place on my road to Salvation.  i was wwwaaaayyy back.  not where i need to be now, but surely so much further ahead than i used to be.  Thank God.  Thank You, God.  Truly.  i am so grateful to know what i know now.  and to use it.  for Heaven’s sake!  use what the Good Lord gave ya! 

i see in myself such a different creature than the person i once was.  i know we are all sinners on the same road.  i love that about life.  we are all headed toward the same end.  one day we’ll stop breathing in this world.  i wanna see Jesus.  i wanna see angels.  i wanna see my mom.  my dad.  my grandparents.  my ancestors.  Paul!  Peter!  the face of God, Who created me…little, sinful, undeserving me…but me who He took the time to create.  me who He listened to when i didn’t know where else to turn.  He heard.  He was always there, i know that now.  but i wasn’t.  i wouldn’t even face Him.  i was too busy trying to figure it all out on my own.  the most freeing event in my life was the transformation that took place within me after i decided to “try” it God’s way.  gave me an out, you know?  hey, i’ll ask Him for help, tell Him i’m a little unsure about all this…what about all the fun i’ll miss?  can i go back to it if this God relationship doesn’t pan out?  i can always go back, right?  these were my thoughts, i kid you not! i started asking.  even tho my heart wasn’t in it.  to make a long story longer, i didn’t feel remarkably different.  okay, God, is this IT?  is this the big change i’ve heard about from people who promise You are THE WAY?  hmmmm.  having more endurance than i gave myself credit for, i kept on.  i’d ask for help on the little things.  i’d ask for help on the big things.  one day, i said to God, that’s it.  just take me.  for You.  tell me what to do.  take my worries; i can’t do it.  just be my mouth and my arms.  be my eyes.  be my feet.  be in me.  and He was!  it was as if He was waiting for me and had been right there all along.  i know He was.  when i surrendered every little piece of my life to Him, no stone unturned, it was as if He had taken me into His very arms.  i saw things differently.  i filtered things differently.  i yearned for different things. 

now.  i love peace.  i love quiet.  my relationship with God, Jesus, and Mary is off the hook, y’all.  there is nothing i can’t do without Them! 

yes, the devil is real.  i know that.  having the relationship i have with God takes that burden off my shoulders.  God already won that one. 

we can always go back to Him no matter what. 

so, my momentum continues.  i continue to crave the things that help bring me closer to Jesus.  i continue to ask for help in being obedient to Our Lord.  i just want to make Him happy.

untitled

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great weather.  seriously.  it’s raining.  i love it.  wish i had time to grab my rain jacket & run for it.  had a great one this morning, speaking of running.  my first time pushing myself since houston and it was great.  22:59 for 2.8.  inspired me. 

went to adoration to soak up the Son, as usual.  it was phenomenal, as usual.  until this mean spirited, totally not being God’s servant first, swung the door open, did this c minus genuflect and proceeded to tell the amazing kiddos in there that “we will sit on our gluteus maximus, ooookkkkaayyy????” pour as much syrup as those words can hold.  “oh, and the light stays on.  we will not lay down in front of the Blessed Sacrament.”  i for one, liking to be out of the forefront, so that no kid comes in there feels like the parent of the moment is “in the way”, was sitting indian style against the back wall, with my elbows on the wood floor in front of me.  very casual, yet, deeply in prayer till mean thing inserted herself in the middle of all that goodness.  so, the door closed.  with glaring lights on, i looked at each traumatized kid and whispered, “did that really just happen???”  they went on to tell me she did the same thing yesterday, but there was no parent in the chapel.  these sweet kids could be doing way worse things than hanging out in the adoration chapel!  are you kidding?  then, mean thing came back again to make sure no shananigans were happening…she went and told the vice principal and then shortly after, a very sweet teacher who happens to teach my son came in.  she lowered the lights and i told her what happened.  she was a little horrified, too.  it gave me the chance to stand up for these sweet kids who are spending their lunchtime with Jesus.  Are you kidding?  Seriously????  This place is awesome.  i specifially volunteered my time for the lunch hour because i am so inspired by the children who come into the chapel.  so, nice teacher left.  i had to leave shortly thereafter, too.  i told those children not to let one mean person stand in their way of being close to Jesus.  i pointed out that the mean teacher’s behavior simply robbed Jesus of more of their time with Him.  most importantly, though, Jesus has their backs, right?  He knows the real deal.  shame on mean thing.

Houston Chevron Marathon report…and stuff :)

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I was pretty worried about the race.  In the lead-up to it, there was lots of communication between the race people and runners regarding the possibility of weather/lightning/heat/humidity/storms/cancellation of the race!  Wow.  I had it planned.  When they started to try to get runners off the road, I would just push harder & run faster.  I was going to finish that race!  I trained for months!  Are you kidding? 

So, Saturday morning, I drove to Houston with my senior  son and two daughters.  We really enjoyed the expo…it was a runner’s DREAM!  Almost overwhelming…almost…

Before I went to bed, I prayed to God to just let the storm leave the race course alone…I had a full night’s sleep and woke up with the familiar race anxiety in my belly.  I kissed all my kiddos good-bye, and found my way to my corral.

The race was AMAZING.  I love the course.  The crowds are great.  The volunteers are the best I’ve seen.  Everyone seems genuinely happy to be there.  Even after the race, when it seems like the volunteers are ready for things to be done, they all take a moment to make eye contact, ask questions, even say “thank you for running Houston!”  “Did you like the course?”  Just blew my mind.

I finished in 4:03, which is my best time out of my now-5 marathons.  I’m really happy with that. 

I noticed a few people had pacers toward the end of the race.  I really like that idea…someone jumps on the course to run alongside a numbered runner, usually a friend or family member I guess, and helps motivate the runner to keep on keepin’ on!  I saw a young lady being encouraged by what appeared to be her dad.  It was motiviating to ME and I didn’t even know these people!  I think it must be nice, though, to have that.  I realized this morning that the absolute toughest part of a race for me are around miles 23-24.  I mean, you’ve been pounding pavement for hours, you know you are within 30 minutes of finishing, your quads are screaming, hamstrings tight as piano strings, feet feel beaten with a hammer, and the internal conversation?  “Okay, is my head tired or are my legs tired?”  At that point, it’s tough.  You don’t want to slow down.  Walking is out of the question.  More conversation, “Okay, God, You got me this far, now what?”  And, then a word will fall into my heart – this race was “faithfulness” because I knew God was showing me that I was faithful to Him through thick and thin…eyes on Him.  He wasn’t about to let me down.  Our God is faithful.  I just felt so slow at that point.  But, rather than look down at my Garmin and freak myself out, I knew I was stepping my way toward the finish.  Toward my sweet children.  Toward my goal.  I don’t ever rejoice in the fact that I am indeed finishing a marathon until I feel confident the end is in my sight.  I was really happy to see the clock ahead.  I knew I was going to make it. 

I am happy to report the weather was wonderful.  Drizzle at times, breezy, lovely, perfect.

Oh, and after I finished and reunited with my children, the first moment I had, I was on my knees, making the sign of the cross, and thanking God for answering my prayer.  And thanking Him for blessing me more abundantly than I could have ever hoped.  Weather held out, a PR for me, safe travels, strength, and endurance to finish the course laid out before me.  Gotta love it.