the one thing that continues with regularity is my running. got up & got my 3 yesterday morning, even tho on verge of tears. i guess knowing paid for my training program and knowing how quickly non-runners can lose ground, i’m keeping my head up. however, other than that, i cling to what i know is right, that being my faith in God.
i still feel this amazing hole right where my belly is. i just can’t get over the feeling of loss without my girls’ school. it wasn’t just that they went to school there; it was that they were becoming the little people with beautiful character and spirits. yes, i know they still have that part and no school can change that, but school CAN foster that and that is part of what i loved about ASH. there is no point in talking to my husband about it; it just causes a fight. i’ve just continued to stay underground with my stuff – feelings & such – and will handle it with God. It’s better that way. I don’t end up feeling bad for feeling bad.
i don’t like feeling like the rug has been yanked out from under me. the things i counted on, the things they counted on are seemingly over and i’m not sure why. i’m not sure if i care to find out why. i’m just thinking i’ll figure it out myself like always.
i never realized how much i don’t adapt well to change. i think maybe i do, except for when i’m blindsided with it.
in the meantime, my strength in God is growing and i know He’s got my back. what more do i need? peace, y’all.