well. today it seemingly started. the new school, that is. 5th grader had half a day. i seemed to be the only parent walking my middle-school child in, but she’s new, so there. just seeing that precious baby in the sea of all these other kids, strangers at this point, jerked my heart right out of my chest. and she is so sweet. she just rolled with it.
4th grader. i stayed with her, as protocol dictated. i observed everything, just like a new kid. it’s all new to me. and them.
then, finally, after getting home & getting some things done, i got on the tm. trying so hard to fight to get my 5k every day this week, feeling like it or not. i knew immediately it would be a slow run, if at all. it was. i cried. i ran. i cried while i ran. i even closed the blinds so i wouldn’t see outside – pool, plants, etc.
i simply turned on my ipod music and listened to Hail, Mary, Gentle Woman. i cried a lot. good thing i ran slow! i feel like a truck ran through my insides. i hate the way i feel. i want a big beer. i want a big snow cone. i want my old school. i want to feel that special feeling that is only out there at the Academy. i want to feel Mary’s eyes on me, i want to feel Her hands on my shoulders. this new school is nice, but it’s not our Roman Catholic tradition. we start everything with a prayer. they didn’t. i saw a cross, but Jesus wasn’t on it. i know He is alive and doesn’t need the cross anymore, but i need it. i love the reminder of what He did for me. i live everyday trying to be my best for Him. i don’t want to seem ungrateful, but why are we at this school again? for extra time in the afternoon? wow. i think we missed that mark. i want my old school back. i thought i was out of tears.