gotta be honest


I have to get this out.  We switched schools for our girls today.  I feel absolutely horrible about it because their school where they have been since kindergarten is so wonderful.  It’s 25 miles from our home.  It’s an all girls Catholic school and I used to ask my mom if I could go.  No way.  Too expensive.  So, pregnant and knowing I was having a girl, I knew she would go to this wonderful school.  Long story short…another girl later and two diagnoses of profound deafness, I wondered if my dream for them would be realized.  By God’s will, it was.  They have been at school for 4 & 5 years.  Now they are going to a different school that is not Catholic.  I can’t stop crying.  I’m trying to keep my feelings from my sweet girls.  I didn’t want to influence them negatively because they were fairly receptive to the change.  When my 5th grader saw my puffy eyes this afternoon and asked me if I was sad about school and I said yes, she broke down in tears and let her own feelings out.  I talked with both my daughters about their feelings and honestly, I think I’m more affected than they are.  So, we go on.  I just feel raw, emotionally.  So, we are going to the store for ice cream, milk and beer.  I can only think of a handful of times that I felt this horrible inside.  I keep reminding myself that God doesn’t give me more than I can handle and that He is with me.  I know He’ll get us through this, too, but I can’t help feeling like a child who wants what she wants – a beautiful education in a beautiful school for her beautifl daughters.  I will miss the school – the only other place I felt that type of serenity was while skiing in Colorado and I would stop high on the mountain and listen to the stillness that could only come from God.  It was truly divine.  I will miss the teachers – they go out of their way for the girls…I will miss the great, inspiring moms who I just love.

P.S.  Okay, back from the store…forgot ice cream, probably better that way.  Bought Diary of a Wimpy Kid (kids are loving it), Miller Light mmmm…, and a wonderful candy bar that is dark chocolate, crisp, and filled with pepper and pop rocks.  I know.  Sounds weird.  If I were a chocolate bar, that would probably be me.  And, I feel better after a conversation with a fellow mom of two wonderful daughters the same age as mine…she’s out of town, but we agreed to get together next week.  She gets me.  She’s great.  I love her…peace. 

Oh, and I did NOT run today.  Even though I’m dressed for it.  I spent huge hunks of  time praying, too, but didn’t feel prompted by God one little bit to hit “start” on the treadmill.  I’m setting my sights/sites on tomorrow, in more ways than one…and more tomorrows than tomorrow.  Lord help me.  Do you think we run out of tears in a given day?  I think we do.  I think that now.  After all the tears I’ve cried today.   Tomorrow has to be better.

About southernrunningmom

Contact me like this: Via FaceBook - Mary Broussard, Certified Health Coach (feel free to private message me) or e-mail me - I am also on Twitter - MaryBob143. Instagram - Southern Running Mom...peace out. I keep my original profile details up because...well, that was my truth back then. Today, I'm much different. And busy. So, I'll update the About Me section very soon. Meanwhile, my tags would be: recovery, AA, 12 Steps, honesty, abuse, recognizing narcissism. Any who, thanks for reading this far. Mom with great husband & family...I totally love running, cooking, gardening...

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