Monthly Archives: August 2010

fervor

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still.  just can’t shake the feeling of not belonging at the new school.  i get an a+ for keeping my stuff under wraps.  after all, it’s the girls who are there; i want it to be good for them.  5th grader told me last night, among other things she misses, she misses the hard work she did with all the girls!  those girls learned!  there was not a moment wasted in their day.  it just seems like they have taken a step back.  i keep reminding myself that we are still in august, but i believe that when we lower the bar, for kids or ourselves, we lower ourselves and our abilities to do what we are truly capable of.  so, with that in mind, me and the girls will be doing some extra work.  in fact, i am going to order some workbooks to keep them up with what they are capable of learning.  bright spot.

have to share.  things like this don’t happen for us not to share:  me.  doing the dishes saturday evening.  quiet.  alone in kitchen.  for about 2-3 seconds, had the most heavenly scent of roses!  stopped me immediately.  no one there.  still just me.  even grabbed my dish detergent.  nope.  citrus!  this was the most glorious fragrance you can imagine.  it was Mary.  i know she was letting me know that my prayers are indeed being heard.  i thanked her. 

in the words of my 5th grader’s closing on her paragraph, “I am trying to do what God wants me to do at my new school.”  what a sweet little saint in training. 

still packing.  still running.  ran crazy fast last night with girls on their bikes.  felt like no humidity.  the sun was going down and it was just divine.

Lord, help us.  Peace.

bring us back

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wow.  dropped off the girls.  prayed the Rosary.  cried.  briefly.  got home in time to help hubby get going and made it to Mass at our boys school.  the only thing that helped me not cry was watching the big guy on the drums.  he was getting after it.  Father Joe is awesome.  i love that guy.

girls had Eucharistic celebration today at their school.  i already checked with our priest about whether or not they could partake in communion on days like this.  no.  he reminded me that while we know Jesus is alive when we receive communion, other faiths use the bread as a sign of breaking bread, not our living Lord Jesus.  he further reminded me that this is why we are Roman Catholic.  we broke away all those years ago because of our beliefs.  hey, i’m with you…they won’t partake. 

but my heart aches.  i want them to be back at their old school where everywhere there were reminders of the love of Jesus and Mary and the saints.  i want them to go to school each day and partake fully in everything that we have been so fortunate to be able to pursue in our chosen religion.  i don’t want to see the worry in their eyes about what to do when it’s time for communion at their new school. 

i looked in my 5th grader’s binder, as usual, to see what homework she had and she had her First Communion prayer book tucked away in there!

i continue to pray as heartfelt as i can to be accepting of where we are at this point because i am trying to see the bigger picture.  who knows what our good Lord Jesus has in store?  we can’t know.  which is why our faith cannot falter. 

oh, my heart is heavy.  i just keep on keepin’ on.  no choice in that matter.  life does go on.

we are getting ready to get all the first floor stuff moved out to get the walls & ceiling painted, the wooden floors pulled up & replaced with stone.  that’ll be something.

i have a run on tap today.  my heart is not in it, but i will do it nonetheless.

peace.

still

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the one thing that continues with regularity is my running.  got up & got my 3 yesterday morning, even tho on verge of tears.   i guess knowing  paid for my training program and knowing how quickly non-runners can lose ground, i’m keeping my head up.  however, other than that, i cling to what i know is right, that being my faith in God.

i still feel this amazing hole right where my belly is.  i just can’t get over the feeling of loss without my girls’ school.  it wasn’t just that they went to school there; it was that they were becoming the little people with beautiful character and spirits.  yes, i know they still have that part and no school can change that, but school CAN foster that and that is part of what i loved about ASH.  there is no point in talking to my husband about it; it just causes a fight.  i’ve just continued to stay underground with my stuff – feelings & such – and will handle it with God.  It’s better that way.  I don’t end up feeling bad for feeling bad. 

i don’t like feeling like the rug has been yanked out from under me.  the things i counted on, the things they counted on are seemingly over and i’m not sure why.  i’m not sure if i care to find out why.  i’m just thinking i’ll figure it out myself like always. 

i never realized how much i don’t adapt well to change.  i think maybe i do, except for when i’m blindsided with it.

in the meantime, my strength in God is growing and i know He’s got my back.  what more do i need?  peace, y’all.

Asphalt shoulder blade angel

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Snazzy title, no?  Heehee…

  • 88 ° Partly Cloudy
  • Feels Like 97°
    Relative Humidity 66%
    Barometer 29.97(Steady)atm
    Dew Point 75 °
    Visibility 10.00 Miles
    UV Index 5 Moderate
    Wind Speed WSW  9 mph

    Love Focus & Fly training.  prescribed 7-8 miles today.  I am DRENCHED.  did 7.07.  accomplished feeling.  nice.  when I got to the back of the neighborhood for the second time, I saw this shadow cast by a brick column.  I couldn’t resist.  I laid down for a couple of minutes pondering the 1.4 mile run back home.  This is on the heels of almost 6 very sweaty miles.  But God just pulled me on through like always.  I even stopped running (gasp) for about 25 seconds on my way back there.  Lo & bhold there is this old dude running in my direction.  To my eye, he looked like he should be home in the ac.  but, hey, dude, more power to him, he was out there getting it done.  I said, Thanks, God, I needed that.  I picked my pace up again.  Then, after cloud watching for a couple of minutes, I got up & saw the sweaty outline of my shoulder blades & arms where I was laying!  Too much to take a pic, so I just started running again.  And God made a nice breeze just to get me home.  Not the blow-dryer kind of breeze, but the kind of consistent breeze that, here in south louisiana, makes you say, “Where’d THAT come from?”  Oh, yeah, God.

    Thanks, Dude, I needed that.  Peace.

    What a day, what a beautiful day.

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    Woke up at 4.  A.M.  That is.  wow.  tried my best to go back to sleep to no avail.  kept thinking about my girls and all the changes we are all going through.  finally time to get up for real and i got the girls to school – we finished the rosary we started yesterday.  Even started a new one on my own.  (Thanks, IPhone)  Then, went to Mass at STM.  wow.  those kids.  those kids are just wonderful kids.  the feeling in that Mass is just indescribable.  a lot of these kids are children who i have seen since pre-kindergarten at Our Lady of Fatima!  We are talking 4 & 5 years old!  Today, I found myself sitting and looking with amazement at these same children…the boys are soooo tall, facial hair, squared jaws, broad shoulders.  The girls have gotten beautiful and lady-like… just blows my mind.  And all of them, pretty much, had such reverence at Mass and especially at Communion.  It was just a huge blessing to me.  My sweet step-son had a solo as part of Campus Ministry!  He sounded great and looked so proud to be such a big part of something so close to our hearts.  I cried.  Just looking at these children and knowing how innocent (yes, innocent still) their little spirits are just makes me cry. 

    I have been doing great with my rosary.  I can honestly say that I feel differently after being so intensive in my prayer life.  I literally stop myself from saying things I know I shouldn’t say and taking part in things I know I shouldn’t take part in…us women, you know we like to gossip!  But that isn’t a good thing.  I love knowing that while God is busy stretching me waaaaayyyy beyond my comfort zone, I am able to keep my eyes on Him and know that we will all come out alright in the end.  Oh, and it hurts.  Doing something day after day that just doesn’t fill up the cup of internal joy…I heard it termed somewhere that when we feel this way – this internal sorrow and emptiness, yet, we still forge ahead and do what is right – it’s called digging a trench.  We are doing the work that must be done, knowing that it’s for the good to come later.

    Anywho, got my 3 miles in and talk about HOT.  wow.  I was ready to walk the last .2 of the last mile.  Did I?  NO!!!!  We don’t quit!  We keep moving!  Makes us strong runners!  I was so happy to reach my driveway. 

    Tomorrow – 7-8 mile run.  I’m looking forward to getting kiddos to school, going to chapel – 4th grader had to write closing prayer – then, home to run.  my two objectives for the morning!  then i gotta buy porch plants before hubby freaks.  bare porch.  ugly porch.  just bare.  then i gotta start moving this house around to get ready for the renovation!  woohoo!  that’ll be great.  can’t wait for that.  whole downstairs getting new floors & pain on walls & ceilings.  i’m feeling some new window treatments and furniture & bedding might be in our future, too!

    off to parent’s night at the new school.  as i got ready, i surely wished i was going to my old school parent’s night.  we Catholics start everything with a prayer.  We even started the swim-team meeting with a prayer!  I LOVE THAT!  Oh, Lord, help me not judge.  Oh, Lord, just help me.

    Oh, Happy Day!

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    Got my five in.  Mostly in the driving rain.  It was fabulous.  I had to stop and swipe a newspaper plastic covering to slip my IPhone into.  I nestled the naked newspaper snugly against the homeowner’s front door…hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!  I’m better today.  Mainly because my sweet babies had a great day at school yesterday and I don’t feel like the world’s worst mother, thinking they are someplace sucky all day.  They are even picking back up with piano lessons starting next week.  The new school offers only after school lessons and two lessons opened up that seem to be pretty convenient.  We are trying.  Anywho, loved my 5 today.  I was genuinely happy and relished in the feeling.  I have a longer run on tap for Friday, 7-8 miles I think, and I am hoping for equally rainy weather.  No obligations tonight!  I am cooking something delicious for my family!  I just don’t know what.  Alas, I will figure it out.  I think I may surprise all of them on Friday evening with a crab & shrimp gumbo, complete with potato salad and ciabatta bread from Poupart’s.  Talk about good, y’all!

    Okay, gotta go get ready to go soak up the Son!!!!  I can’t wait!  I’m bringing my rosary and my very open heart. 

    May the peace of our Lord Jesus be with each of you…

    my iphone has changed my prayer life…

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    wow.  my iphone has truly changed my prayer life!  as a cradle Roman Catholic, i was raised praying the rosary when it was necessary…at wakes before funerals, sometimes when my grandparents were in town.  as an adult, i have prayed to be able to say it the right way.  yes, there is a right way.  it’s not just 50 hail Mary’s.  but, the older i have gotten and the busier i have gotten, i have settled on asking the Blessed Mother to be my mom since my mom is in Heaven.  anywho, now that i have my iphone, there are apps for EVERYTHING!  including the rosary.  i have been saying the rosary every day for several days and i’m so happy about that.  it’s extremely soothing and peace-inducing.  i know Mary hears our prayers and her gift to us was the rosary.  i feel like i have a lot of time to make up for because i knew i should say it, but i wasn’t sure exactly how.  it’s not that hard.  i think i probably have ADD; okay, i’m sure i do.  so, it is difficult for me to be still and contemplate the mysteries of the rosary, but i am finding that i am able to do it better and better. 

    as far as the girls’ school goes, well, i’m trying to love it.  hubby and i had an argument over it because i’m not in love with the new school.  i’m trying.  i just don’t feel it.  the way i was raised, the way i am, IS my faith, now more than ever.  i adore being a Roman Catholic and can’t imagine any other way.  on the other hand, being at a new school is a great opportunity for the girls to recognize that while Jesus is THE Way, other children and their families pray differently, through Jesus.  so, that’s a good thing. 

    i’m still not clear on this…are Roman Catholics the only ones who make the sign of the cross?  i’m not sure. 

    i dropped off my paperwork for the girls yesterday to begin Cathechism (sp?), via home study.  i think that will help.  i help them say the rosary, too, on the way to school each morning.  we can’t do the whole thing in one morning, but it’s a start and Mary knows our hearts.

    tomorrow, i get back with the Son in the Adoration Chapel!  CAN’T WAIT!!!!!

    The best thing I have ever learned in my life is…well, there are two…most importantly, God loves ME.  Just like i am.  Faults and all.  the saints were regular sinners just like me.  they just accepted the grace of God, got up when they fell, and kept on going.  we can do that, too.  Secondly, it’s not about this world.  It truly is not.  None of the external things we have acquired will come with us to Heaven.  but the things we have acquired internally can help us get there and the things we have acquired internally can be used to help other people while we are here to get to Heaven, too.  wow.  may the peace of our Lord Jesus be with each & every one of you.

    P>S> ;)))))i won the lottery!  the houston marathon lottery, that is…heehee.  i’m so excited!  i just downloaded my training plan.  ouch.  i’m not used to following a plan!  it’ll be good.  today is 2 miles?????please, people.  okay, i’ll be good.  i’ll follow it.  because by the end of the week i will have run 18 according to training plan, but in actuality it’ll be 24 cuz my tm workouts…sweet!