I always thought the biggest ache of my life was losing my mom. It was this tangible, internal ball of darkness. I hated it. But the pain subsided because I knew she went to Heaven. Second to that was thinking I was losing the person I was so deeply in love with. Lucky for me, I didn’t.
Today, I took my three children to see Toy Story 3. Toward the end, when Andy, practically all grown up, was saying good-bye to his mom in his newly vacated room, I lost it. It was the biggest tug at my heart in so very long. I sat right by my beautiful 17 year old son who has been, hands down, the best relationship, most lasting relationship I have ever had. He made me a mother. He was such a gift from God when I really didn’t think I deserved a gift. Just the promise of that sweet little life in my stomach caused my life to do a one-eighty. I’ve never been the same. Thank God. Thank You, God. Luckily for me, my son and I have a great relationship. Nothing is off limits. I believe if it’s important enough for him to ask me about, I owe it to him to be honest. He knows he can ask me anything and tell me anything. I love being his parent and guiding him in ways my mom didn’t have the good fortune of being able to do. I see God in my son’s life. I see God in his eyes. He is so far ahead of the curve it makes me exhuberant. So, at this point in the movie, which I was totally not expecting, it’s Pixar, right? My son tapped my leg, in a re-assuring way that just made my heart melt. This sweet little boy…the first Toy Story, I took him to see it at Acadiana Mall, when they still had a movie theater! The second one, at the now defunct Westwood on Congress, in Lafayette. And, now, the third, we met at the Grand in Lafayette.
I know my son is growing up and growing out. I know he will go to college, too. It’s a new beginning, I keep telling myself. It’s a year away. But, as a mom, I know how quickly these years have ticked by and I just want to do my best to relish in the time he is still a kid with some naivete (sp?) in his life.
He’s sleeping out tonight. I just called his number to check on him and find out final plans for the evening. He didn’t answer the two times I rang him. But, I didn’t really worry, because I know what kind of kid he is. Sure enough, he called me back and told me he was swimming with his buddies and didn’t hear the phone. I told him I loved that he was having fun with his friends and just wanted to check on him and make sure everything was okay and what were his plans for the evening.
I have always believed that parents should be parents and kids can have friends at school. I still believe this. But, seeing what a wonderful young man I have been blessed with as a son, I delight in the prospect of being able to be friends with him as he grows up and out. This mentality has paid off, apparently, because he has a gift of discernment that is only God-given. He innately does good things. No, he’s not an angel, but after the movie we saw today, I am choosing to think of what a better world mine is because of him. I love that boy.