what do moms do???

seriously?  i think it’s all a lesson in humility and putting others’ needs in front of our own…God knows i love my family to pieces and would (and do) anything in the world for any of them.  for my whole life (thank You, Jesus) i have been fortunate to be fit.  FIT.  my big sister was the biggest example to me and i will never forget her for that.  “why do you drink REAL pepsi?  Diet pepsi has NO calories.”  and so it began.  truly.  i’ll never forget it.  in her un-airconditioned, yet very cool, gold…what was that car??? oh, well, we were by Acadiana Mall, stopping for gas on the way home and that’s what she told me.  i also rode my bike alongside her as she ran, which was frequently.  she had so many track trophies, looked great, smelled great, and was MY big sister.  so, yeah, i just followed her path…after a regretful deviation, emotionally speaking, but i always followed her fitness example. 

so, now…i could ride…for friggin’ ever…and run the same…swim?  yeah, i could do it.  kids.  they change all that.  they inspire so much.  some of the things i thought i could never do i have attemped because i see my daughters-born-deaf singing in musicals, talking in front of groups, doing what their beautiful little spirits tell them to do because they are insulated from so much garbage that penetrates our world…i love that about them.  i would never have tried to run a race!!!  but i have kids.  ‘hey, mom, there’s some…i dunno, a 5kk or something…’ and there it went – my child is telling me; he must be interested…and so it began…we don’t know where the inspiration will come from, but as moms, we know it’s coming, right?  it always does.  and like our Good Lord Above, the inspiration surprises us in ways we never thought possible. 

but…for real…what DO moms do?  i squuueeezzzeee in my workouts when i can…yes, i’m slightly…SLIGHTLY…panicked for the summer.  but not obsessive about it.  i’m in good shape.  i just look at other’s mom’s blogs and think, ’dddanng, she is a running coach, AND a mother?  AND she looks friggin’ great!’  just makes me admire them…and wonder…what do moms DO???  Peace, y’all…

the end is near…;)

Just a few more days of schools for my girls!  Then summer will officially be here!  I just had my highest mileage week and I am so pumped.  I managed to run and ride over 60 miles and today…well, today will be lagniappe (means extra) cuz I usually don’t get a solid workout in on weekends – as I say that, I am thinking it could be rollerblading, swimming, pool running…family is still asleep and i just drained my first cup of coffee! we’ll see…

there are signs of a positive summer happening all over my neighborhood – i relish in the sights of kids with lemonade stands, mountains of dirt with abandoned toys on top, boys fishing from the bridge, kids playing in ditches!  imagination at work…love it.

looking forward to Mass today – that’s my secret plan…hubs doesn’t relish Mass on saturday like me, so we’ll see…our church recites my favorite prayer that escapes me at the moment …but, yeah, my girls and i love to go early to be a part of it.

 

too real not to share…

Mass Sunday morning with my daughters – just the 3 of us…they dressed alike in their beautiful coral lace skirts & shiny shoes & black “big girl” shirts…as soon as Mass ended and we genuflected and were leaving, 5th grader commented, “Did you see those kids by us?  They didn’t pay attention the way they should have.  AND they didn’t hug their mom for peace.”  I didn’t say anything.  I was going to wait until we were in the privacy of our car (and where they could hear me better) before I reminded them about judging people.  IN CHURCH?  Are you kidding?  So, as we walked quietly and got into the car, I was trying to make sure I could safely leave my spot and THEN I was going to say something.  But this conversation pre-empted regularly scheduled programming:  “Look at my ribbon tie, JaJa; I braided it.”  JaJa laughed, “It looks like a penis!”  So now what?  And, after all, the way 5th grader had her ribbon braided and held at the end with a pony tail holder, it did sort of look like that…wow.

Sunday afternoon – “Mom, did you see the word I played on Words with Friends?”  No, I didn’t.  “Qat.”  “Do you even know what that means?”  (I didn’t even know it was a word but I will be storing that little gem in my quiver.)  Funny look over takes her and she gently moves her arms out to the side – “Like when you ‘quat’ down?  gosh, mom!”

I thought that was hilarious…born deaf.  ADD to boot.  Amazing in every way.  I love that girl.

Love it!!!

i was a little panicky yesterday thinking about hubs getting oral surgery today – i don’t do well on rest days, especially forced ones!  that’s just how i am.  i do well taking it easier on myself but i don’t like totally taking off.  sometimes i do.  mostly i don’t.  so, i tried to get a good workout in yesterday, against my body’s wishes, knowing that the weekend was peeking at us and i fit runs/swims/rollerblades/etc in only when my sweet girls can accompany me.  lo and behold, i took hubs to the dentist, stocked up on soft/warm/cold/fizzy things at target in anticipation of his impending pain.  came home, ran over 4 biked almost 9 in really hot temps – like almost 90 degrees…and the wind was brutally honest   just pushed me all over the place.  i loved it.  so i jumped in the shower and don’t you know that’s when the phone rang!  hubs was ready to be retrieved.  oh, lord.  dashed.  dressed.  sped. my Catholic cd playing   i didn’t want to leave my hubs there any longer than necessary.  the shocker?  he was so ready to go!  he even wanted to eat lunch!  so we ate at my favorite salad place and now he’s off with his son doing baseball something.  wow.  i never know what to expect.  i thought he would have wanted to come home and crawl into bed. 

so, i got to post a blog entry

thrilled about the weekend and the warming temperatures!  i’m hoping the pool is warm…son is in bahamas.  i’m trying to give him his freedom and not call him as much as i would like   now that’s a hard thing to do.  but i know i have instilled in him good things, and Lord knows i’ve consecrated him to Mary, Jesus, and God Himself mannnnny times.  so, i feel good.  i’m glad about that. 

okay, the weekend is waiting…plants need to be watered and oh, yeah…there is a deceased dove in my front garden…we found her in the driveway last night, not moving, but very alert.  so, we placed her gently among the irises.  and there she sat.  and sits.  and now, evidently, sleeps eternal ;\  my daughter ran out to check on her this morning…she’s not moving, mom.  the sprinkler sprinkled her last night and she looks like this – at which point 11 year old gazed upward, void of expression…yikes.  thank you, darling, thank you for showing me what she looks like.  wow.  okay.  party on.

better…

aaahhh.  day is turning out much better than i had hoped.  thought i’d get a run in.  angry ankle blister keeps getting bumped & further irritated – rollerblading almost 4 miles with my daughter on saturday – fun & costly, evidently!  guess i won’t wear my husband’s socks again when i rollerblade!  my right shin still held a slight grudge after the vibram cross-country run yesterday.  sheesh….get over it.  so, i had a cruddy running start.  plan b.  got on treadmill with my mother’s day gift – a 20 pound weighted vest – my daughter so GETS me.  I walked for :20 & then walked & ran another :20.  not good enough.  just moved on to other obligations.  kitchens don’t clean themselves, i am sad to report.  got a lot of house stuff done.  had a smoothie at lunch – vegan rice protein powder, banana, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, a drizzle of honey, ice, water, and a healthy tablespoon of flaxseed.  now that was energizing.  i grabbed my hand weights & had a nice 2.8 very basic loop that i needed.  so much better.

on the treadmill, i cried.  yes, i was a mess this morning.  i cried because i was happy at the thought of my son in the bahamas, doing what his classmates were all doing, having fun, celebrating victory over high school!  knowing what a fight that child has fought for years, academically, and knowing he never complained; he just got it done.  such the way he is in so many areas of life.  i love that. 

i cried because i knew i had actually done a good job with him.  i knew what he needed and i made sure he got it.  sounds easy.  not so easy.  i didn’t have an example.  my mom dropped the ball with me.  i didn’t have prom, i didn’t look at colleges, i didn’t think about college.  i quit high school in my junior year and got my equivalency diploma sooner than my classmates.  i really missed out.  as a mom, i knew better.  God granted me the grace and wisdom to hang in there with my son even when the going got tough.  and it got tough.  really tough.  we never took our eyes off the goal.  i was determined to help that child experience what i knew i should have experienced.  i knew better.  i listened to God.  i didn’t want to turn my life over to Him in word only.  i craved Him and wanted to do His Will because i knew, somehow, that His way was better.  He outgives me EVERY time.  He outgraces me EVERY time.  He out-loves me EVERY time.  i submit to Him every day.  He is our Living God and He is right THERE.  through all the good, bad, indifferent, He knows.  and thank You, God, cuz He can handle it.  He rocks my world EVERY day.  for someone looking in, that might seem questionable, but when you have this kind of relationship with Him, that’s what it is like. 

gotta go grab dinner ingredients for tonight…peace, y’all.

like a child…

Luke 18:15-17 ¹⁵ Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. ¹⁶ But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. ¹⁷ Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

hey, y’all.  this part of the Bible has always comforted me, but it has also always puzzled me.  last night, i read a comment that was simple and glorious.  gave me chills.  i thought about it a lot.  for someone to take a moment out of an extremely busy world, get to the comment section, write nice words and send it…wow.  that blows my mind.  it means so much.  we’re all sinners, here.  it’s pretty easy to judge people in a harsh light while not looking at our own stuff.  that’s been my prayer for the last few months.  just let me see people the way You do, Lord.  and it happens.  i love when it happens.  it’s like seeing people through Heaven’s eyes.  so, i wanted to respond to this comment.  i could only say thank you for your kind words.  i really wanted to say, you are awesome for stopping your world long enough to say those kind words.  you are the kind of person who makes a difference when no one else might notice, but our Good Lord above most certainly does.  i know that. 

so, then i got to thinking about what i started this blog post with – i think i get it now.  when i was in my 20′s and early 30′s, i would think about these words and i couldn’t understand how adults could be like children and receive the Kingdom of God.  i get it now.  the older i get, the clearer my thinking and understanding become.  the wiser i become thanks to the grace of God.  i know i am a much simpler person now thanks to God.  i love that.  i didn’t think i ever would, but i do.  it’s as if all the junk is clearing away from my vision, from my heart, from my feelings.  i am able to see life in a much purer sense.  i still see the atrocities that are plastered all over the news.  but i don’t see bad guys.  i see sinners who don’t know the love and forgiveness of our Lord Jesus.  i think that’s what Jesus meant about receiving the Kingdom of God like a child.  get rid of the junk.  love purely.  love wholly.  and most importantly, open yourself up to God.  just submit to him.  see what happens.  it’s truly astounding what will happen.  and what you will receive is available to everyone.  everyone.  everyone.  there is nothing you can do that separates you from the love of our Lord.  i know that.  i can testify to that all day.  if He can love me, and He does, He can love anybody.  and He does.  but you gotta receive it.  make an effort.  show Him you are interested.  when i say it is all good, i mean it is ALL good.  He will give you the tools to deal with everything that comes your way – good, bad & otherwise.  your heart will continue to ache, but He will be there to get you through it. 

today is graduation day for my son.  i am so proud of him.  i bought him the Diary of Saint Faustina.  I got a copy for me, too.  wow, y’all, wow.  Jesus really worked amazingly through this lady.  check her out. 

gotta run.  didn’t run yesterday.

6

finally went to doctor for ME…very weird.  i, thank You, God, never get sick and when i do, i just deal with it.  i was so tired i couldn’t take me anymore!  3 day zpac.  cool.  cortisone shot.  NOT cool and so not happening.  pills? old doc asks…  will they make me fat? i retort.  he laughed. i didn’t.  seriously.  you can write it, but i doubt i’ll be taking any.  and i didn’t.  i looked it up.  i’ll deal with a little inflamation.  it’s not that bad.  sheesh.

anywho.  6, you wonder, i guess?  well, last friday, i took off running and i like these kinds of running days.  i just get my warm up in and listen, interiorly, to what i should do that day.  i’m not following a strict training plan.  tear.  sigh.  snot rocket.  seriously, i love the back of my neighborhood for my runs.  i can get my fill of cross-country and it’s perfect.  i have figured out this loop.  a little asphalt, a lot of ass-kicking -field.  sums it up.  it takes about 2 of these lovely loops to reach a mile.  last friday, i knew i needed 6.  really, God?  6?  seems like a lot.  but, when i clung onto Him to be my personal trainer 24/7/365 and FREE, FREE, yes, FREE, i submitted.  it was great.  took me just like i was.  sinful.  sorrowful.  hopeful.  playful.  when He puts it on my heart, there is no arguing.  well, mostly no arguing.  i question His assuredness at times.  He affirms.  anywho, so, yep, 6.  hot.  humid.  just finished a weighted run the day before.  but i did it cuz i knew He said it’d be alright.  and it was.  it was fabulous.  so, here we are, friday again.  warm up is over, whatcha thinkin’ Big Daddy????  6.  LOL.  i’ve been “sick”.  c’mon.  really.  6.  wow.  okay.  6 it shall be.  i did it.  it was great.  it was fab.  I ended up with 5.75 miles for the run. 

He knows it all, anyways, right?  if He says i can do it after feeling fatigued & stopped up, then i can do it.    just gotta trust.

today is a good friday.  college graduation tomorrow for one of my favorite people…she is amazing.  she inspires me.  i love that girl.

my beautiful son got his graduation gift from his dad & grandmother today – a beautiful new car!  he was so over the used one he got 2 years ago.  we both pretty much wanted to sledgehammer it.  i’m sure it might be of use to somebody. 

gotta go get my girlies and get the weekend started!

on a nutritional note – i am trying to increase my protein intake.  it ain’t easy for someone who eats precious little meat.  i keep thinking about it, but i can’t get there.  eeww.  ick.  don’t want it.   guess i’ll boil some organic eggs and eat the whites.  or maybe i’ll just quit reading about how much better i would be with more protein. ;]

so much stuff…

so much stuff happening.  good, bad, indifferent…stuff.  mostly good, thank You, God.  maybe it’s just the verb, HAPPENING.  you know, life does that…just happens.  just keeps on happening, whether you are ready or not.  almost goes so fast, you don’t have time to marinate in feelings of…of…of whatever…in my case, there’s lots.

senior prom.  junior prom.  mother’s day.  prep school musical. making up for lost time. reflecting.  trying to reflect.  trying not to forget anything.

as much as i try to balance things in my life, i cannot deny that at this moment, my son is always at the forefront of my thoughts.  he graduates next week.  he was voted Prom King on saturday night.  this child has worked unbelievably hard beginning since about fifth grade.  so, i was thrilled that he was voted king.  i think his friends at school must see him for the sweet soul that i do.

so, all those things, goings-on, i listed, are happening with me on total sleep deprivation.  i haven’t had a full night’s sleep since i-don’t-know-when.  various reasons, mostly a loud hubs…growling, as my 10 year old calls snoring

i get to this point a few times a year and it isn’t easy…grabbing zzz’s when i can during the dark night because i surely can’t grab them when the sun is shining.  i try.  i get prone.  maybe 5 seconds go by and i’m up again, planning what i’m going to do.  today it happened.  i heard the birds, saw the sun shining.  immediately, i was up, talking myself into a run.  i did it.  then i rode my bike.  3 miles of each.  then my son called & we planned on going to avery island, the very place where Tobasco Sauce is made.  it was a wonderful day with him.  it was a busy day.  high school is over for him.  next comes his graduation ceremony and summer and college.  he is ready for everything.  i know that and it is comforting.  i’m not sad.  he has earned a little academic freedom until college starts.  he is excited about beginning his life.  i am excited for him.  i am thrilled that he will have A home.  ONE place to keep his clothes.  ONE place to keep his glasses.  this is my greatest comfort.   i feel like – this is odd – i JUST NOW realized this – he is finishing his “divorce sentence” – anyone who is divorced and shares custody feels this – i can say without fear of contradiction, being divorced with a child is the MOST PAINFUL part of my life.  seeing that child have to divide everything – his time, his love, his clothes, keeping track of books, just him wanting to be a kid in “his” neighborhood, which, by the way, was no longer MY neighborhood…hard stuff.  doesn’t go away.  doesn’t heal.  just doesn’t make me cry anymore.  scratch that.  doesn’t go away.  ever.  just absorb it and deal with it.  for years, i would drive down that road after dropping him off at his dad’s and just cry.  cry.  cry.  i couldn’t help it.  i just wanted things to be good for my son.  i knew i couldn’t make things good for him in that house, though.  choices.  parents.  guidance. 

anyway.  i find that my heavy heart reaches way down to my legs and makes them pay.  dearly.  i feel like i ran so slowly today.  like my legs were cement. 

it’s a beautiful evening.  getting ready to watch tv with my two girls.  my son is at his grandmother’s, swimming with his best friends.  i am in awe of that beautiful child.  i thank God every day for entrusting me with him. 

in one week, i will watch him graduate and approach the next part of his life.  i suspect he will do that the same way he does so many other things…introspectively, under the radar, quiet beauty, quiet, wry sense of humor…

feeling good…

As I was just responding to The Mommy’s comment, I realized I needed to blog about it!  I mentioned to her that my relationship with running is better than it has ever been and this is so true!  I used to flip out before a race, wondering if I had done enough (I always have done enough;) and I worried about hydration, etc.  Hydration is indeed something that must be considered.  But I would carry my own in a marathon.  I haven’t done that in any lengthy races in a good long while, at least a couple of years.  Here in South Louisiana, though, there are some races that are extremely humid.  I mean, the streets are just wet with dew.  I have definitely carried a hand-held hydration thingy.  I mean, you’re running fast, sweating, AND it’s humid & warm out??? 

Anywho, I feel like I am a purist when it comes to running and I love that.   Actually, RW had a quiz to find out what one’s running style was, and that’s what I was labeled.  It fits.  I like it.  So, now, when I’m out there, I just do it.  It feels good to me.  I know I am capable of running almost any distance (I would adore an ultramarathon!).  I don’t even have anything on the books right now.  Nada.  I’m looking and thinking.  Hubs wants me to qualify for Boston.  Mmmm.  Okay.  That takes lots of training.  I have to shave almost 15 minutes off my personal best.  That ain’t easy, folks.  I can do it.  I know I can do it.  But, hubs gets cranky about 3/4 of the way through training.  Just makes me say, “Oh, shit.”  I mean, I’m committed at this point, right?  I can’t just start slacking when the long runs start coming.  But that is historically what has happened with each of my 5 marathons.  I always end up cutting out at least a couple of long runs and I pay for it with my finishing times.  I have always managed a 20 miler or two before hand, but if you have ever looked at training plans, they are serious.  So, if I had my way, I would do the Louisiana Trails 50K (counts as an ultra!) just cuz I really love running cross country, which is at the beginning of November.   Then, I’d do a full, Boston Qualifying race in January.  That would give me enough time to recuperate before Boston.  BUT I’m sure Boston would be full by then.  So what in the hell am I talking about???  I don’t know.  I would rather do the Trans-Rockies Run more than those two races I just mentioned put together! 

Time will tell.  I am just unpacking & getting my house “organized” (organized chaos)…Hubs was home sick.  Video filming fever hit – everything was on hold getting that going.  It was over.  Hubs relapsed.  HARD.  Home.  Sick.  Lots of organic chicken noodle soup and Lysol.  Easter vacation.  18 year old son’s birthday.  Same kiddo’s graduation coming up.  Just a whole lotta glorious life pouring over us.  Loving it.  For sure. 

So, I’m gonna get my act together and hit the road.  I’m feeling like I have taken that gift of a long run and stretched it out – I ran over 5 miles yesterday, too, actually a little longer than the raining 5+ I had the day before.  Oh, who am I kidding?  The way my life is, hubs can pull the plug at any time on a nice long run due to some immediate need…actually, while I was running yesterday and thinking of this gifted long run that I have waiting for me, I considered that very thought.  So, my mantra yesterday was “run today because who knows what tommorow may bring!”  So true.  On so many fronts.

needed this run

wow.  just did 5.18 miles in the chilly drizzly rain.  i would still be out there if i could.  choices, you know?  18 years ago today, i was walking in circles, still very pregnant with my son.  so, today, while i thought i would only do a 30 minute run so i could get back to my still-sleeping boy, i decided mid-run to celebrate me.  and do i have a lot to celebrate!  my son was my defining turn around for my life.  a permanent, glorious turnaround.  i literally jumped up and down when i realized i was going to have him.  finally, no one was going to convince me that i was garbage, unworthy of being a mom.  as it turns out, i’m good at it!  and i love it.  anyway, to celebrate me, i decided to run a little longer. i ran a bit cross country.  i loved listening to the wet, swishy sound of my speedy quick bright pink shoes.  i even relished in the thought of another pair.  i adore these kicks, i must say.  it was defintely a happy run.

anywho, back to the run…i am sopping and happy.  i’ve been on vacay for almost a week, and this is my second run since i’ve been back.  for mother’s day, i always give myself the gift of a nice long run some time during the week leading up to Sunday.  today doesn’t count.

there has been lots of building up stress in my life due to various things and with each run, i feel it dissipating.  running truly fixes me.  i need it and i love it.  and i thank God most of all, for the ability to get out there and do it.

yesterday, i was fortunate enough to substitute for my daughter’s p.e. class so that their coach could enjoy the teacher appreciation luncheon catered by Catahoula’s in Grand Coteau.  the moment i walked into the gym, the air was cool, the place was quiet (the girls hadn’t gotten there yet), and the sun lit the place up with a soft glow.  it was heavenly.  after i got my instructions, the girls came into the gym and lit up when they saw me!  it was wonderful.  “MMMMmiiissss MMMMaaaarrrryyyy!!!!”  They all ran across and hugged me, their sweet bright little faces just beautifully reflecting everything i love about that school.  i can’t describe what that time with them was like.  they played volleyball.  they were sweet to one another.  they laughed.  they danced.  they totally lifted my spirit, which had been heavy until that moment.  it was completely delightful and i will treasure that time with them. 

gotta get some work done around here…peace, y’all.