Mass was everything I had hoped for. Father Mouton is the BEST! The readings were right on for this day. My daughters were so well behaved and prayerful today. Thank you, God! Mass resets my spirit. Love it. 4 more days till school starts. My beautiful son is flying home from Europe as we speak. Our other beautiful son had a party here last night – lots of juniors and seniors. And red cups. Everywhere today…red cups.
Anywho, looking forward to making the MOST of this beautiful day! Peace.
Those are the stats from my run a little while ago. HOT. dang. hot. passed the first test: took 5th grader to party with her life-long friends and i didn’t cry. i was melancholy, but held it together. sweet. i KNOW God will put us where we need to be according to His will, in His time, REGARDLESS OF WHERE MY DAUGHTERS ARE ENROLLED in school.
Had a great talk with my son who is in Frankfurt, Germany, waiting to fly home in the morning. I surely miss that child. He’s so insightful for being so young.
Peace. Can’t wait for Mass in the morning…
i want to wake up without feeling that there is a hole where my stomach and heart should be. i’m tired of crying and feeling on the verge of crying. i thought i was done with tears. if you knew this school…it’s just amazing. i’ve always said you can always spot a Sacred Heart girl…i believe that. there is something in the education there that just includes so much more than books. i need to get past this. i wonder what it will be like when they start their new school. i am actually ready for it so that we can resume some sort of routine and i’m thinking the change will take my mind off it. i’m definitely praying a lot more these days for God’s will. He knows best and He’ll get us through this…i guess what i’m feeling is that HE didn’t bring us to this, my hubby did ;[ and that makes it harder because i love him so very much and know he’s trying to do what’s best, but in my heart, i don’t think this is it. so now what? i took my daughters to their new school yesterday afternoon for a sports physical. i knew lots of people there; it’s a popular school. still, there was this mother lion part of me that observed lots of stares at my girls…was it there beauty? was it their unfamiliar-ness? was it their implants? was it their voice quality? was it something people couldn’t put their fingers on? yuck. i don’t like the way i’m feeling. i have a list as long as a sheet of paper with things to do so i think i’ll focus on that. Lord, i’m here. Help us. Peace.
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p.s. okay. update. i did a 5k on tm and averaged 8:15 per mile. super-sweet. love that. NEEDed that. even took the plunge after my endorphin lift and called our dear friend/head of girls’ school. left her a message. but i could have talked to her without dying. even made plans for next week with another wonderful ASH mom & her daughters to take our kiddos swimming. okay, and the biggest? i just broke down and ordered uniforms. God put it in my heart and helped me make sense of it – if we can spend a ton of money getting the girls ready at the “wrong” school, can’t i spend some money getting them ready properly for the “right” school??? yes, i see Your point. wow. now my prayer mantra is asking God to make sure we are ALL in the place where He wants us. i believe when we are so close to God, working on our relationship with Him everyday, He really takes care of us. so. what i thought was going to be an awful day has had some nice, light & bright spots. i’m even considering what to do with my front porch full of fried plants…perhaps getting all those lovely pots ready for some new plants, yes? new soil. new foliage. sounds like a plan. for the plants and us. peace.
Woke up feeling better today, thank you, God. My daughters are pretty much okay, just sad about the friendship situation. I am going through the motions and reminding myself of the blessings in store for all of us due to the move. I must say, as a cradle Roman Catholic woman, feeling the distance from the Sacred Heart School has ignited more furiously the love of Jesus in my own heart. I will teach my daughters our catichism out of the same books used by our church, except here at home. I have put a rosary around my neck since I felt the incredible sadness flood over me. Okay, forgive me, Jesus, but the one I had around my neck was plastic, short and glowed in the dark (LOL) and I just now took it off to take my 5th grader to her new school for a physical for sports…I did,however, replace it with a gorgeous sterling, very simple cross on a brown leather choker necklace. Got it in San Antonio as a gift from my dear husband. And, I have a clinging cross in my pocket. I KNOW everything will be fine, for Heaven’s sake. I just feel the need for lots of heavenly buffering right now.
Did two, count ‘em, two 5ks on the tm today. The second one was to ward off a crying moment. I’m a mess. I’ll be okay.
Gotta get girls in gear…
Peace. Peace. More peace.
10:21AMCDT
90 ° Partly Cloudy
Y’all. wow. woke up feeling soooo badly i started crying. again. tried keeping it in. how much female-ness must a man endure? didn’t work. he, being the wonderful gorilla he is, tried to fix it/tried to fix me. i didn’t want that. i don’t want that. i just want to be. i just want to cry when i need it. it’s all related to leaving something behind that is dear to me. i don’t want to leave it. i don’t want my daughters to miss out on life even if they are getting a first rate education that i have dreamed of for my whole life. we did make progress. he at least offered that he would not keep them in a new place where they truly weren’t happy. we would wait and see. that’s cool.
anywho, he went to work, a little heavy-hearted, no doubt. i slept in my running clothes. i just needed to be held by something i loved. it ain’t pretty, but it’s the truth. i didn’t get to run yesterday. my day was out of whack, no doubt. so, i knew today would be the day to get back on step. i didn’t see ANYBODY outside except me, a few yard guys and a few contruction dudes working on houses under construction. they all had big hats on! i ran happy. i only had the sounds of my feet and the slish-slosh of my lime FRS on ice bumping around my bottle. i tortured myself a little. i liked it. i did extra loops and ran ran back the same way from whence i came. i turned up the heat about a quarter mile from home. i ran like i wanted and made myself happy doing it. and now? as a reward, i am swigging from the glass bottle, yummy cold san pelligrino WITH gas. i don’t care if the bubbles displace room for more hydration. i’ll just drink more.
daughters are fine. they are resilient little angels. i love them so.
gotta run. interior decorator is coming with floor samples.
peace. peace.
I have to get this out. We switched schools for our girls today. I feel absolutely horrible about it because their school where they have been since kindergarten is so wonderful. It’s 25 miles from our home. It’s an all girls Catholic school and I used to ask my mom if I could go. No way. Too expensive. So, pregnant and knowing I was having a girl, I knew she would go to this wonderful school. Long story short…another girl later and two diagnoses of profound deafness, I wondered if my dream for them would be realized. By God’s will, it was. They have been at school for 4 & 5 years. Now they are going to a different school that is not Catholic. I can’t stop crying. I’m trying to keep my feelings from my sweet girls. I didn’t want to influence them negatively because they were fairly receptive to the change. When my 5th grader saw my puffy eyes this afternoon and asked me if I was sad about school and I said yes, she broke down in tears and let her own feelings out. I talked with both my daughters about their feelings and honestly, I think I’m more affected than they are. So, we go on. I just feel raw, emotionally. So, we are going to the store for ice cream, milk and beer. I can only think of a handful of times that I felt this horrible inside. I keep reminding myself that God doesn’t give me more than I can handle and that He is with me. I know He’ll get us through this, too, but I can’t help feeling like a child who wants what she wants – a beautiful education in a beautiful school for her beautifl daughters. I will miss the school – the only other place I felt that type of serenity was while skiing in Colorado and I would stop high on the mountain and listen to the stillness that could only come from God. It was truly divine. I will miss the teachers – they go out of their way for the girls…I will miss the great, inspiring moms who I just love.
P.S. Okay, back from the store…forgot ice cream, probably better that way. Bought Diary of a Wimpy Kid (kids are loving it), Miller Light mmmm…, and a wonderful candy bar that is dark chocolate, crisp, and filled with pepper and pop rocks. I know. Sounds weird. If I were a chocolate bar, that would probably be me. And, I feel better after a conversation with a fellow mom of two wonderful daughters the same age as mine…she’s out of town, but we agreed to get together next week. She gets me. She’s great. I love her…peace.
Oh, and I did NOT run today. Even though I’m dressed for it. I spent huge hunks of time praying, too, but didn’t feel prompted by God one little bit to hit “start” on the treadmill. I’m setting my sights/sites on tomorrow, in more ways than one…and more tomorrows than tomorrow. Lord help me. Do you think we run out of tears in a given day? I think we do. I think that now. After all the tears I’ve cried today. Tomorrow has to be better.
Wow. Yesterday was my first chance to write in my blog for the longest thanks to being in Dallas and thanks to my lack of computer savvy on the business center’s computer at my hotel ;|
Anywho, I managed to type what I thought was a great quick & dirty rundown of my previous week. It was a doozie, even if I had not been out of town. Still, like in what I wrote yesterday, that is for another entry. I happily punched the “publish” button & saw my 93 word count. WTF??? I KNOW I wrote way more than that. Couldn’t retrieve it out of the internet abyss. I’m sure my beautifully written blog entry is sitting on some bureaucrat’s desk, awaiting approval that I’m pretty normal…IDK about you, but I swear, since this new administration in the White House, my computer acts weird. I’m just saying. I didn’t make up the term, “Big Brother.”
Anywho, as I often get to in my blog, I wrote about a crying jag/very brief pity meet & greet (it didn’t qualify as a full-blown pity party, thankfully) due to growing pains within our family…for another blog entry at another time…but I just got on my knees, laid it all out for God to deal with and, as usual, He did what any great Father would do. He made me get up, wash my face, lace up my shoes (Brooks b/c my Mizunos were still packed), and jump on the TM for a very therapeutic 5K. It worked. I realized that sometimes even though we feel like doo-doo on the inside, we must push on and do what’s normal on the outside, especially moms. So, things are pretty much back on track. Just had me another 5K and averaged 8:31 per mile. SWEET. I needed that.
Today. Wow. wow. I guess that’s why I ran at 4′something. I was just hanging on to this day. Well, I conquered it, really. I got everything done that needed to get done. I still don’t know what school our youngest daughters are going to (that’s foreshadowing, y’all!), but we are all in tact and healthy. So that’s good.
I have Bieber blisters on the tops of my toes, as in Justin Bieber. Took the girls to the concert last night at the Cajun Dome. Wore my cute high-heeled wedges. Parked about a dang mile away. Left the concert with cute, high-heeled wedges in hand. Was very happy about that. My blisters are pretty much ripped off skin. Sorry for the curses I mentally threw at you, Justin, in case I had pain while I ran today. Of course, the blisters woke me up several times during the night because the tops of my feet touched the sheets!!!!!!! It was either that or hang them over the side of the bed for Robiespierre, our cat, to scratch at like a hanging toy while I slept. Trust me, I speak from experience~!
Oh, very cool news…I registered for the Houston Marthon. Well, it’s a lottery this year. But in an effort to up my chances, wink-wink, I’m ordering a shirt, shorts, the training (Focus ‘n Fly), and I indicated I would stay at the host hotel. I registered on the opening day, too. I’m just superstitious. I just don’t think it’ll be a full-blown lottery because if it were, there would be a chance to have a field of 20,000+ marathoners who finish right before the cut-off, like 6 hours or something. I know that won’t happen. I just think if they see my entry, they’ll say, “Oh, look, she ran her first Houston Marathon ON her 40th birthday! Decent time, too! Look at all the money she’s willing to cough up! That doesn’t even include the expo! And she’s eager, registering on the first day & all! She’s IN, yo!” Heehee…a girl can dream, can’t she?
Okay, gotta run. Oh, I got a “Life Is Good” shirt with those very words on it! Love that.
Peace.
